No sex. Is it over?

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Have a great relationship with my husband in every area apart from sex. He’s loving, kind, supportive, funny, interesting and we are very close. Best friends.
But physically it’s not there. He has some problems with ED for as long as I’ve known him, I’ve been very patient but nothing is getting better and it’s been about 10 years of no / very bad sex.
I love him and I love our life but I’m finding myself very low because I’m missing such a big part of a relationship and I feel like I’m wasting my younger years. We tried again the other night and it was just awful, we both agreed it wasn’t working. He says he’s still very attracted to me but unfortunately i don’t feel the same as I did. I can’t see a way forward that doesn’t involve divorce. Which I really don’t think either of us want. I’d love to hear what people in my situation would do. We have no kids.

Has he sought any help with his ED? Does he not wish sex was better too?

Options are
Have an affair.
Separate
Sex therapist
Stay together with no sex.
Have you thought about just living separately?
Presumably he's tried Viagra and Cialis?

I’ve encouraged him to see a therapist but I can’t take that step for him. He’s seen the Dr once but it wasn’t helpful

We enjoy living together.

Do you think it's physical or all in his mind? Im guessing after 10 years its more a physical thing.

It’s really hard to say, I’ve read a lot about it but I’m obviously not in his body. My guess is it’s physical but he seems to think it’s mental. When it first started happening he blamed me, which obviously didn’t make me feel very good

How on earth could it be your fault? I'm surprised youve tolerated it for this long.

It was so long ago I can’t remember why, I think he felt I was too demanding 😂 not something I’ve had issues with previous partners

I am too tbh - but I really do love him. He’s a wonderful person. I think we are really sexually incompatible

If you have explained to him how badly this is affecting you is he still unwilling to seek further help? It seems very selfish of him not to do this. I understand it may be embarrassing for him but if he really values your relationship and you he should be prepared to seek therapy for this.

To be honest it sounds like you are flogging a dead horse. If he wanted it to be better then he would have done something about it. Sounds like he has no desire at all despite what he says about attraction. Sometimes in life you have to make difficult decisions.

Yes I have, I’ve spoken to him about it so many times. He says he’s going to get help but it never happens.

As difficult as that is to hear I think you are right.

Maybe his testosterone levels are low? Why has he got no libido? He needs to know how unhappy you are about it all.

I was recently reading about low testosterone and mentioned it to him, there are other signs. I’m so unhappy about it, but anytime I bring it up - no matter how calm and kind I am he takes it as a criticism. It’s really exhausting to be honest

Sorry but if he blamed you for it initially and can't be fucked to see a therapist to resolve it then you owe him nothing. Tell him you want to open the relationship.

Sounds like he's happy having no sex drive??

I’ve brought this up a couple of times, it seems like an obvious solution, but he’s not open to it. He said he would be too jealous. The thought of him with another woman doesn’t bother me in the slightest which is very telling

Do you want children? Does he? That aside you say it is making you unhappy. This is unlikely to change, in fact it will get worse & you will end up resenting him. Some form of intervention is needed before you reach that point

He says that the drive is there but he never initiates anything so I’m not sure how true that is.

We definitely don’t want kids. I agree something has to change or resentment will build. It’s so hard to know how to discuss this without having him take it the wrong way

Say what? You'd be happy for your man to shag another woman? That does say a lot.

Honestly, yes. At least that’s how it feels. It might just be the result of how flat I feel about everything, and maybe wouldn’t be as ok about it if it actually happened.

What ages are you?

A friend's husband had low testosterone and treatment was quite easy and effective.

If he can't be bothered for your sake,he isn't a very good mate.

Your husband has sexual issues and refuses to work on them nor take accountability, he just sweeps them under the rug of: “SD”, end of discussion. I’m curious as to what is he doing with his sex drive, is he pleasuring you in other sexual ways? Sex toys? Is he wanking to porn secretly? Does he not have a sex drive? I think you need to put your cards on the table and tell him you need sex or otherwise you’re going to get it elsewhere.

(foot note: I would give you the same advice if you were a man)