No sex. Is it over?

[abcdefg22]

Have a great relationship with my husband in every area apart from sex. He’s loving, kind, supportive, funny, interesting and we are very close. Best friends.
But physically it’s not there. He has some problems with ED for as long as I’ve known him, I’ve been very patient but nothing is getting better and it’s been about 10 years of no / very bad sex.
I love him and I love our life but I’m finding myself very low because I’m missing such a big part of a relationship and I feel like I’m wasting my younger years. We tried again the other night and it was just awful, we both agreed it wasn’t working. He says he’s still very attracted to me but unfortunately i don’t feel the same as I did. I can’t see a way forward that doesn’t involve divorce. Which I really don’t think either of us want. I’d love to hear what people in my situation would do. We have no kids.

I was also gonna ask if he's watching porn a lot. He may have given himself the death grip.

I’m 34 and he’s 41. I’ll definitely encourage him to go to the Dr

No intimacy at all? He might as well be your gay best friend. You are flatmates.

Assuming you are young OP you have too many years ahead of you with no sex, unless of course he gets help.

Honestly I wish I knew whether he’s doing any of the above. There’s zero sexual communication. I’m very open sexually and would like to know these things, but he’s quite prudish and closed. My guess is he’s definitely masturbating. He used to use toys on me and go down on me, until one day he angrily said he felt he was ‘only there to make me cum’ which made me feel awful and since then I have just gone solo.

I’ve asked him if he’s gay. I’m bisexual and have had long term relationships with women so I would be a good person to open up to, I don’t think he is gay. He never looks at other women though 🤔

Can you imagine possibly never having sex again?

It would kill me!! The thought is just appalling

can you imagine if a man wrote this about his wife? there would be uproar! I think its a little sad that because there is no sex, then there can be no relationship? my husband is type 2 diabetic and has ED. he did get pills from the GP but to be honest all they did was give him jumpy legs. We just came up with a work around. foreplay, masterbation and sex toys.

it is what it is.. i wouldn't dream of leaving him just because he can't perform in bed... the poor man

My situation isn't exactly the same as yours but honestly let me tell you the truth. The rot will set in and you'll be at high risk if cheating. If you've got no kids, I'd leave and try to stay friends. If he doesn't want to have sex, doesn't want to do anything about it but also doesn't want you to have sex with anyone else then you've got an unsolvable problem.

I think therapy comes in handy when it comes to stuff like this OP, if he doesn’t want to attend a couples counselling then get some counselling and professional advice yourself. He’s thrown you to the curb when it comes to sex, so wouldn’t call him “my best friend”.

I think I’d have a very serious conversation where you tell him that you need him to try to see if there is help out there. Tell him this is not how you want to live without knowing that you’ve tried everything. Explain that if he doesn’t, you have to consider splitting.

I haven’t ever said I want to leave him! Please re read my post, it sounds like you have misunderstood me. I stress how much I love him and have reiterated how happy I am living with him. I personally cannot completely annexe my sexual needs, everyone is different.

If sex was not important to you the relationship could work; as it is, then I guess you will have to find another partner.

He's not interested in doing anything about it though? Totally different scenario to what you describe.

But OP you said you can’t live without sex so what gives? The marriage or he seek help!

I mean I’m hoping that he will seek help

Would you consider couples therapy? Whilst individual therapy would probably be good for him if he’s not open to it you can’t force him. I imagine couples therapy would be a different bag because you’re doing it together and taking joint responsibility.

And if he won’t?

Why would he need therapy unless he had some sex related trauma? He needs to get testosterone levels up, there's bound to be supplements to help.

your post mentions ED? if it is, its not going to get much better, infact maybe worse.. if you don't want to leave him, and its not going to get better I'm not sure what else can be suggested to be honest.. you can't make him get it up!

I’m going to discuss therapy with him tonight and also encourage him to go to the Drs regarding testosterone

He knows it bothers you, yet refuses to do anything about it. Aren’t all issues in a relationship the same? - if one party won’t discuss it and engage in finding a solution one has to wonder if they really care for the other person.

My libido has reduced. DH and I work on ways to get me more up for it as sex is important to us.

Maybe he is asexual and so no therapy or dr’s appointments will help.
he clearly doesn’t want to have sex for what ever reason and this isn’t going to change

I’d do a trial separation. My husband and I can “get out of the habit” and it really impacts my mood but he’s very on it re being proactive when I point it out and happy to make an effort plus we have kids.

if he wasn’t and he didn’t I’d be gone.

but… don’t leave because you think the grass is greener leave because there’s nothing lonelier than a romantic relationship with no romance.

You're asexual Martin. Thanks! A sexual what! No, asexual.