Stumped.. even at my advanced age by guy?

[Swanmute]

Would welcome all advice. Dating again in midlife.. been with loving, attentive partner for six months, sex life revigorated. Promises made, holidays booked etc etc. phones me all time.. utterly loving. Yesterday I was shocked that he drove me home from his house early, barely after 10 pm, gave me my coat and casserole dish( I’d cooked tea) and basically’ There’s your hat, what’s your hurry’.. attitude. Today not willing to talk about it, closed down. I asked for conversation to clarify..not happened. So I’m giving him space but he does know I’m finding his behaviour unfathomable.
Two factors he works away.. part of time offshore, we’ve managed this well to date, love seeing him when he’s home. Secondly my adult son is recovering from cancer, going well waiting at moment for CT scan which will hopefully be clear. This man was Uber communicative to me, incredibly responsive and communicative. Was I love bombed..not feeling great tonight?

This was exactly my thought. So he got you to go to his house, cook for him, have sex with him, then he ushered you out rudely. Escorts get treated better - at least they don't have to cook - and they get paid for their trouble. I'd be incandescent.

My advice is to block him, nurse your heartbreak, and learn from the experience. This is exactly why dating advice to women is don't be too accommodating with men until you're absolutely certain they're decent, solvent and crazy about you.

Its so odd. The only thing is that he wanted to play golf and created a fight so he could. If thats the case you will hear from him this evening when its over. If not I don't know what you do really. I wouldn't block as I would be curious to know what actually happened and what his next play is but it would be over for me personally

👏🏻brilliant

He ghosted his wife?? Well that tells you all you need to know about this man's inability to behave like an adult or have an adult relationship.

I'm afraid I would send one last message including the words "childish inability to communicate", "stupid wanker" and "fuck off and grow up".

It's horrible because you can't get closure when people do this. You end up forced to find your own closure by ending it for them but will never find out why they suddenly went cold and always question yourself. At least if he'd just say something you'd know where you stand. At the same time there's that awful what if. What if this isn't the end and there's actually a perfectly legitimate reason for his sudden silence and he doesn't want to end things.

Yes I’d def be calling him out on it! Otherwise they think they can just slink off without any repercussions or being held to account!

I’m not going to text him now.. I did ask him twice on Sunday for a conversation which he ignored and then he didn’t show up today when we’d agreed to go out at 11 am.. I actually doubt they’ll be any closure. I saw him as reputable, caring, communicative guy but am now wondering whether this is a playbook? Yes, it’s the week my son hears about CT scan( hopefully cancer free) What kind of man/ human being does that?

That’s my thinking.. but I doubt I’ll hear from him now? His behaviour is starting to be seriously off and incomprehensible? Yes he was loving and communicative but he’s risked everything we had, plans, holidays and is staying silent? Worst case scenario is that he’s got someone else lined up and contrived a situation with me to end it?

It is very strange. I'd really like it if you could take a deep breath and relax this evening and put his behaviour out of your mind, I can't decipher it.

At least it's only been 6m.

Contacting him isn't holding him to account though. There's no consequences. The only way to come out of these situations is to show zero emotion or concern. Ding his ego by showing that you couldn't care less. If you text him, it shows that it's bothered you. Don't give him the satisfaction.

But OP has had 8 pages of saying the same thing. Why should she pretend he means nothing to her just to not give him the satisfaction. I hardly doubt he's sitting in the clubhouse now with his mates talking disparagingly and waiting for a text so he can mock her. Maybe act like grown ups and get to the bottom of the issue then either sort it out or move on.

I will. All sorts of stuff comes to mind but it’s now so horribly bad behaviour that I can’t get passed it. I have to focus on my son..

I hope it’s good news for your son, OP. I’m sorry for your heartache over this immature little man, but at least you know now rather than on holiday or after wasting more time on him. Whatever it was, IF there was any reason, that’s not the way to deal with it. He’s showing he doesn’t respect you. Respect yourself and ditch him.

@Blouson .. I came here to offload and am really feeling low tonight. I will go off Mumsnet in moment and just update if anything happens. I did try two or three times yesterday to ask for conversation.. he just ignored me. This is the opposite of the way he has been for six months, he’s very communicative and interested ( usually). On our WhatsApp my message to him is last one.. he isn’t getting back.

You can post as much as you like @Swanmute ! Don’t be silenced here too by a few whinging posters.

Lucky escape for you but so hurtful ☕️

This behaviour is more than odd , Id say its massive NPD who in the right mind behaves like this !! Dont get in touch with him walk away you have had a lucky escape . If you met him on a dating app i would report him to the agency he could be a serial mind fucker who gets off on treating women like this. So weird.

Sorry, missing my point, which was OP obviously cares a hell of a lot, so PP saying to ghost him is nothing but immature though I do see what you're saying that you messaged last and he hasnt replied. Has he read your whatsapp message?

Just a thought and please don't flame me as NRFT. Is he OK? Perhaps he was feeling unwell on Saturday night and he might not have replied for the same reason? Only you know him and how his mood was and whether it's a possibility he could be unwell, hence not showing up today. It really is strange behavior.

Yes it’s been read.. I tried to explain how I felt.. then just left it there.

Please don’t go back to him if he profusely apologises. This is only the first time he’s shown you who he really is (there always has to be a first time), make sure it’s the last time too!

No he wasn’t unwell, he played golf apparently with his son the next day.. his car goes in tomorrow for service.. he didn’t show up for 11 am date with me today. Loved me/ missed me terribly on Friday/ Saturday… ghosted me on Sunday.

He knew the weather was going to be fab and got a message from a mate to play so opted for a tee time instead of spending time with you. He will come crawling back but personally I would block him. How immature of him - major ick!

I hope all goes well with your son x

@Swanmute Well, it's really puzzling then. What on earth could have happened during your visit on Saturday to turn him against you. It's either another woman and he was having one last session with you or he suddenly got the ick from something that happened on Saturday. Either way, you don't deserve this treatment. Better you find out now, especially terrible to treat you like this with your son's results due. What are you going to do about cancelling the holiday? I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

Yes.. I think now it’s a combination of that, his golf obsession overtaking him, so me kicked to kerb and the relationship getting more real so he’s gone awol. None of which is acceptable to me and my values. The reason for my own obsessing/ ruminating is I heard and witnessed all the things he said/ promises made, how he made love to me, future plans etc… just a few days ago? I admit it’s crazy making? Now though I’m going to occupy myself with hobbies/ work/ friends and my son. I’ll come back and update.. thanks so much for all advice, so helpful and reassuring.