Stumped.. even at my advanced age by guy?

[Swanmute]

Would welcome all advice. Dating again in midlife.. been with loving, attentive partner for six months, sex life revigorated. Promises made, holidays booked etc etc. phones me all time.. utterly loving. Yesterday I was shocked that he drove me home from his house early, barely after 10 pm, gave me my coat and casserole dish( I’d cooked tea) and basically’ There’s your hat, what’s your hurry’.. attitude. Today not willing to talk about it, closed down. I asked for conversation to clarify..not happened. So I’m giving him space but he does know I’m finding his behaviour unfathomable.
Two factors he works away.. part of time offshore, we’ve managed this well to date, love seeing him when he’s home. Secondly my adult son is recovering from cancer, going well waiting at moment for CT scan which will hopefully be clear. This man was Uber communicative to me, incredibly responsive and communicative. Was I love bombed..not feeling great tonight?

Thankyou so much, I own I hoped he’d appear today at 11 am because we’d fixed date ?All stuff would have been sorted.. but he didn’t show, it was like an electric shock? His words weren’t real, his commitment was fake.. my son has just recovered from cancer and my ‘partner’ is going silent on me, when I have offered discussion. These are facts. I’m being treated horribly…after hoping for so much.

The good thing.. is even today I can feel my culpability lessening. I did much right in the relationship and very little wrong. If it goes into another few days.. then I’ve been duped? He’s set me up as girlfriend without the real commitment and managed me on his terms. I’m so sad about it but anger is just prickling away too…

I have a feeling he will come back in a few days when the weather is not so good and/or he's played enough golf. Expecting you to just be happy to see him again.

Sorry to hear about this, OP. Why can people just be honest/straightforward?

Just remember that the only things you know about his previous marriage, and the reasons for the breakdown, have been told to you by him. And he would have only told you what he wanted you to hear.

What? So op should just sit and wait prettily for this twunt to come back? After rudely dropping her off, ignoring her, not communicating, ghosting a planned date, calling her his girlfriend and making plans? Lol i dont think so, this is why the bar is so low and men get away with treating women as disposable, to be picked up and dropped at there convenience.

Op, his silence speaks volumes, actions over words, hes got what he wanted, block, delete and move on....you deserve better

This is my feelings, after so much promise( and sex!) ghosted? Only really awful men do that?

Sounds like he arranged to take you home so that he could be in control of when you left so his plan all along was for him to take you home earlier. I think what is much more important though is that you've made it clear how upset you are he has no intention of explaining himself or validating how you feel.
That's the only red flag you need IMO

@Swanmute if the arrangements for today were firm, did you not message or call after 11am asking where he was?

Personally I think messaging him to say that it’s over and blocking him lets him off the hook especially after six months.

Dreadful behaviour on his part.

I considered asking him but he hadn’t responded to previous? I’ve got all Friday/ Saturday.. love bites and promises? He’s just ghosting now. Let him ghost. First time in six months.. I do wonder what’s occurring?🤔

I know this is the wrong thing to say, but in the OP’s shoes I would want an explanation

You obviously care about it, so why not try and see if he has indeed binned you off for the golf club. All this angst is driving you mad so I agree with @Thursdaygirl try and get to the bottom of it, not in an arsey way but just ask him straight up whats going on.

I think he was ok about ‘falling out’ with me.. he’d get to golf obsessively? I did make it patently clear I was confused and hurt but all his answers just promote distance not resolution. Again.. he wants me out of pic to play GOLF! I didn’t ever mind the golf but I mind the gaslighting shit.

Well I do care about it.. it’s been six months of professed love and commitment. He will always deny golf commitment/ obsession. He’s probably there now and it’s world famous course. I have asked him.. told him I don’t mind if he’s up front about hobby.. Yet still lying and subterfuge.. from him. This floored his marriage and is flooring our relationship.. he’s silent? Go figure cos I
am?

So you had a full day date planned today but he didnt appear? And you suspect he's at the golf? TBH he could be anywhere. If an opportunity to pay golf came up then he could have just told you that and suffered any consequences rather than this sudden about turn.

Yes, unfathomable… but? I think he ‘ghosted his wife’ when she got on his case about golf? I’m now realising that this prize communicator, wordsmith, loving gentleman just goes cold when feet held to fire? So I’m doing nothing, just trying to get on with life( reeling, upset etc).. but what can I do?

Yes.. my point exactly. Just play.. I didn’t mind but don’t fcuk me about with work and my taking day off. He just scuppered my day? It could have been all worked out but he created a situation/ argument to be free to golf for a week! I’ll never see him again.. will live with memories and false promises and financial outlay..

Well drop him a text this evening, not war and peace, but just asking whats going on. He definitely owes you an explanation and the longer this goes on the worse it's going to make you feel.

@Swanmute it's also The Open at Royal Troon July 18th to the 21st he will definitely be glued to that or attending. You dont deserve this the dick! Why can he not just give you the respect you deserve and bloody well communicate.
Good luck this week with your sons results OP ❤️

He's behaving badly but you are making a lot of assumptions. It might not be golf. You both sound annoyed with each other but the lack of clear communication is the biggest red flag. If he can't tell you what's going on and instead stands you up and gives you the silent treatment then it doesn't bode well for sorting out future issues. I've just been in a relationship with someone like this - shuts down when stressed and goes quiet. It's impossible to have an adult conversation without him assuming that he's being got at and blamed for everything.

😌

What a terrible way to treat you on the week you find out your son's results. That, in itself, would stop me from ever seeing him again. He's obviously not the person you thought he was. It sounds like he just used you for one last time for sex and a free meal. I'd guess that he's met someone else. I had similar happen to me many years ago. He'd met someone else but he used me for sex one last time then went very cold on me, almost forcing me to dump him as he became so unavailable. I think I'd assume the relationship is over and that this cowardly man just didn't have the decency to tell you to your face. Move on and find someone better and I hope your son is OK.

Tell him you've realised after your last meeting that you're not sexually compatible and that you've just realised that you undercooked the chicken/whatever it was and you hope he's not suddenly taken short with a violent, uncontrollable stomach like you were. Let him walk round the famous golf course with his legs crossed.

At least you got the casserole dish back.

It's always golf or cycling they are obsessed with.

Terrible advice. NEVER do this. He's not interested for whatever reason. Never give him the satisfaction of thinking you give a single shit.