To be upset by what my husband said/did

[staringatstars]

Husband just made a gesture to me about me being fat/pregnant. I'm 25 weeks pregnant, don't like looking the way I do right now, keeping up with running and fitness as much as I can with a toddler, intense job, and being pregnant. I had an eating disorder years ago, which doesn't really leave you. I'm in tears. He has apologised for making me upset. Not for what he said, but for making me upset. I just can't do this. I want to throw myself down some stairs and not be pregnant anymore.

Yes this is also a big fear of mine. I'm desperate not to pass on any negative body image feelings to my children. I have been so well the last 6 years, and since having my daughter I've been so so well. I barely thought about the ED. But the pregnancy has triggered some negativity. The comments this weekend have just blown up in my head. Pregnancy hormones too maybe. The midwives won't be interested. I'm a very healthy weight, when they measured my bump a few weeks ago, I was bang on 50%

Op. Just be kind to yourself. I bet you look a picture of health being pregnant.
men can be ridiculously stupid without knowing it.
good luck and best wishes 💐

You have OCD op.... its a hard illness and it's chronic aswell but it can be controlled with help. You should visit your GP they will be understanding

The midwives bloody well will be interested that symptoms of your eating disorder have re-emerged. It’s a serious mental health issue.

That’s not actually true. The midwife will likely be interested if you tell her how you are feeling.

people with eating disorders can be a healthy weight. Especially when it rears its head again. It’s better to catch it now rather than a years time.

If the midwife isn’t interested speak to your gp.

The midwives will be interested.

Wait so you asked him if you looked slow, he said you didn’t run as fast as normal and now you’re upset? Trust me pregnancy hormones do this to you but I think you are being unreasonable. Don’t ask him for his answer then get upset about it

Dear God, where are you getting OCD from?

The fact you are able to recognise this is great. Girls have such a hard time growing up as it is so really need to see self love and kindness. I fake it tell I make it. If I go swimming I feel so self conscious about my body but try not to let it show or say anything out loud about the size of anyone's bodies.

Anytime you get intrusive thoughts can you try imaging your daughter saying those things and what you would say in response. Reframe it in a way that allows you to be kinder to yourself

OP, please speak to your midwife, or somebody at the surgery about how much you're now affected after being triggered by your pregnancy.

If they don't know how you're feeling they can't help you.

Please take care of yourself.

"I know - showing a pregnant women that they are pregnant is soo evil isn’t it…

and the bit where he responded honestly to her question about how fast she ran - such a disgrace isn’t it…"

Yes @CoralReader it is. I mean you can be as sarcastic as you want if you like, but commenting on a woman with an eating disorders weight, knowingly aware of how she will take it requires a bit of tact. He doesn't have any. Do you think people with eating disorders can separate things like a person without one does? I can assure you, we don't. A loved one, knowing about such disorders would use their brain. He's not dealing with someone who can brush off comments relating to weight as easily as others.

@staringatstars two things I'd like you to think about- firstly the midwives will want to know. As you know disordered eating isn't about what you weigh. It's in the mind, and yours needs a little support right now.

Secondly, something was always going to trigger this reaction in you- if not this comment and gesture, there would be another one- maybe a photo or an outfit that doesn't fit the way you want.

Look after yourself- you and your baby deserve it.

He doesn’t have any?

Op says this is the first time in 15 years he has done something like this.

and Op also says she has been well for 6 years. So no it won’t be at the forefront of his mind every time she asks a question.

and for most people they wouldn’t think that pointing out you are pregnant to a woman who is pregnant would be an issue. Op has only just realised her ED is returning so how would he know?

Expecting perfection 100% of the time is unrealistic.

You need professional help

You want to throw yourself down the stairs to miscarry....
I would bloody well hope the midwife cared

He's an awful person ? Things will get worse ? Leave him ??!!! There are some crazy posts in here !

Huh?!? But this is a compliment!

You're 25 weeks pregnant so of course you got outrun and he is reminding you of this amazing fact! You're carrying a human being inside you.

I think this has more to do with your own body perception and your husband was trying to remind you of the amazing thing that is happening to your body.

At no point has he commented on her weight. Or how she looks. Or anything else.

OP asked him if she looked slow in a race and he said 'you weren't fast'.

OP commented to him, looking for a response, that she was out-run in a water fight with children. And he gestured a round belly and slow jog.

Because OP is pregnant and running more slowly. Because she IS almost in her third trimester of pregnancy.

He's made no comments at all about her weight. OP has asked him questions or wanting him to respond to her statements and he's been pretty neutral, in fact he offered reassurance when OP was wanting reassurance about being out-ran by gesturing 'you're pregnant' i.e yeah, you're 6 months pregnant, that's why you were out-ran, that's the reason.

She's obsessed about her weight the excersizing is the compulsion.... she's asking for reassurance from her partner and then obsessing more about the weight when he doesn't give the reassurance. It's classic OCD symptoms believe me I live with it.

She got control of the eating disorder but she's developed OCD now instead.

OCD isn't all about hand washing and cleanliness it can be anything unwanted thoughts, fears, health anxiety. It's a whole range of issues.

Believe me, I know what OCD and EDs are and what the differences are.

She has an ED.

Don't project your mental illness onto others. It's not helpful.

There's some info on the Internet about eating disorders and OCD. They are very intertwined

https://iocdf.org/expert-opinions/expert-opinion-eating-disorders-and-ocd/

Your DH is a shallow prize prick.

You might want to read the thread.

There are links and they could have both.... I can do without the lecture thankyou.... you would have thought someone claiming to know so much would have more sympathy with sufferers... I could obsess over your criticism for days now.... who knows what the stranger from the Internet that your being mean and condescending to will do... think before you speak

With respect op, I think you need to get some counselling for your ED.

It sounds like all your h did when you told him the kids had outrun you was point out that; of course they did, because you are pregnant and not running as fast as usual.
Maybe he could have done it more delicately, like said it instead of gestures but ..

You feeling that you'd that you'd injure yourself to miscarry so you don't have a pregnancy bump anymore and can run as fast as you'd prefer...... You've to know that's off the bracket (?)

You seem utterly fixated on how much weight etc you're putting on; you're pregnant! You're growing a child. And loads of women get puffy/water retention too.

This ED disorder is clearly rearing it's ugly head and maybe you have antenatal depression or anxiety or similar too.