To be upset by what my husband said/did

[staringatstars]

Husband just made a gesture to me about me being fat/pregnant. I'm 25 weeks pregnant, don't like looking the way I do right now, keeping up with running and fitness as much as I can with a toddler, intense job, and being pregnant. I had an eating disorder years ago, which doesn't really leave you. I'm in tears. He has apologised for making me upset. Not for what he said, but for making me upset. I just can't do this. I want to throw myself down some stairs and not be pregnant anymore.

Honestly, I think this is you being understandably sensitive having had an ED and currently being pregnant.

You're intent on running, playing in water fights etc and then asking him if you looked fast or commenting that you were outran.

But wanting to throw yourself down the stairs and not be pregnant anymore because of his responses to your questions about you physical activity sounds like you need to speak to your midwife about your mental health.

It was a bit insensitive but I don't think he was saying you were slow or fat, relax and enjoy your pregnancy, of course our bodies change and we put weight on.

I mean OP you didn't run fast, why ask a question like that when you know you didn't? Him saying you didn't look fast isn't anything other than a normal thing to say, it's not insulting.

The gesture sounds like he was just miming being pregnant?

Do you speak to anyone about how you're feeling? Your husband answering your question about being slow shouldn't then lead to you wanting to throw yourself down some stairs and miscarry, that's quite a big step up in reaction from what happened. I understand eating disorders don't leave you at all, but also you're going to need support in a situation like being pregnant that comes along with weight gain.

I think you should seek some support for your eating disorder.

You did set him up to fail by asking him if you looked slow in the race. What was he meant to say in response?

You're pregnant, so you're not going to be setting speed records, and that's fine. But setting traps for your partner and then getting upset when they answer factually isn't going to do you any good.

I'd have a chat with your midwife about the former eating disorder and your current feelings about your weight. They should be able to signpost some assistance, as it sounds as though you need it.

Based on your description, he did nothing wrong. You are projecting your insecurities onto some innocuous behaviours.

Op I understand you have had ED and feel sensitive she has never done anything like this before and likely didn’t think you would take the gesture to heart. Everybody has said or done something they would be funny and it’s not landed well. He has apologised.

Theres nothing wrong with what he said. You wanted to know if you looked slow. You are bound to be slower at the moment. If he had have said ‘no you looked liked to usually do when not pregnant’ you would have then known he was lying.

I appreciate this all down to your feelings around your body, but your feelings can’t dictate everyone’s words.

You hate looking like this? Pregnant look? Why? I felt special when I was pregnant, a few months out of your whole life, important ones for you and your family. Have a re- think. I know at 8-9 months you are huge and waddling and it is hard to get around quickly but but it passes sooo fast. You are young, and lucky to be bearing a child…

oh lord ... how old are you guys?

Honestly my DH is a gem and so supportive but he absolutely does not understand why I am so sensitive about my weight when pregnant. In his logical mind, OF COURSE I'll get puffy and big, and does not understand the upset. I'm 30 weeks now and my appetite became uncontrollable about a week ago so it's not gonna get better from here lol.

If your DH is normally nice, I wouldn't dwell on it.

I was ready to call him a knob but after reading the updates i do think you are being sensitive.

Me too. You actually asked him for his opinion on how fast you were. Then he gestured to indicate that the fact that you are pregnant (not fat) would understandably slow you down. I'm sorry OP, but it sounds like this is your experience of dosordered eating that's causing you to feel this way, and probably to misinterpret your husband's comments. To most people, pregnant does not equal fat.

You hate looking like this? Pregnant look? Why?

Did you miss the fact that the OP has had an eating disorder?

I think you should edit your first post so that it says what actually happened.
Your husband is getting a load of abuse that is unwarranted.

There is nothing about what your husband did or said that would have upset me. Your first post is really misleading.

This. The update is very different.

It's your ED that has you feeling like this. You asked a question, he answered.

So what if you are huge? You're carrying a little human inside you, that's what happens when you're pregnant

It doesn’t matter what you weigh, you could be 20 stone and he’d still be a prick for talking to you like that by the way

I am so sorry that you are feeling like this. You are doing incredibly well. Please don’t be hard on yourself. Unfortunately your husband is unbelievably insensitive idiot.

I think if you want to throw yourself down the stairs after someone may or may not have insinuated you are fat whilst pregnant you probably need to seek some help from your GP

He’s a cunt. Stop being so damn polite ~ I’d get a box of chocolates or a nice big cake and fucking eat it in front of him.

You are pregnant OP. You are carrying a life, it’s probably mostly water anyway! You can and will lose the weight once you’ve given birth and he’s looking after the baby whilst you work out! Might remind him of that now actually.

You also need to work on your body image, you are no doubt fit as hell- look after yourself. Is your partner ripped? (He’s still a cunt).

Brilliant, and very accurate, comment - “the only extra weight you're carrying is in the form of an idiot for a husband”. 👏😂

How is he a cunt?

and what will eating A box of chocolate achieve.

at no point has op suggested he is unhappy with her eating whatever she wants.

He’s a cunt. Stop being so damn polite ~ I’d get a box of chocolates or a nice big cake and fucking eat it in front of him.
Do you really think for one nanosecond this is useful advice to someone with an eating disorder?

I want to throw myself down some stairs and not be pregnant anymore

if that is true, you need help, fast. Life is about more than what you look like and you have a child who needs you, and another inbound.
If it’s just a dramatic turn of phrase, you need to tell DH to not be a knob and try getting him to run carrying 6kg on his front.