Anyone else trying not not to contact a guy part 2??

[YouAreAllMySymmetry]

Hey loves @namechangeforthis5 @Frith2013 and whoever else I can think of.

How we all doing?

I'm having a weird night; I've been drinking and guess what skill it reminded me I've developed: crying out of one eye. It means that people generally don't notice, in the car, or lying on the couch or in bed.

That's sad, isn't it.

That's a long time. How did it start?

Men are scarily good at compartmentalising I think.

Work day and night team building thing. He left the company later that year

Yes definitely and he used to say stuff like he doesn’t think like a normal person. Of the consequences

He said he 'doesn't think like a normal person'. What on earth is that supposed to mean?!

You know what that’s why this thread is so good for me because I’ve been hearing this shit for five years and thinking it’s normal. But when he first said that to me I had the same reaction. He said he doesn’t think of the consequences or anything beyond the doing.

It sounds like an excuse. If there are adverse consequences to some action he has taken then it's his get-out clause. He can pretend that he has an inability to think through potential consequences.

Yes you’re absolutely right. I have long suspected he’s a narcissist. I seem to fall for the act.

But you know when you can’t talk to anyone about it so you start to think it’s normal

Of course. And if you are right about him being a narc then you shouldn't blame yourself. They are so convincing it's mind-boggling!

I ended up working from home so avoided him for another day! I’m on leave today so won’t see him now until Monday.

I’ll let you know how I get on. As it stands currently I don’t know why I ever looked at him twice, he’s so far removed from what I would ever find attractive, both physically and intellectually. I looked at a photo of him yesterday to test the waters and kind of felt a bit sick that I had ever gone near him, so that’s a good sign!

I know but is he one? I’m not always the best judge of character and whenever I challenged him he would say I’m deluded. As in he likes me more than I give him credit for

That’s great! I did the same! Yes let me know how it goes but sounds like you’re doing great x

Does it matter @namechangeforthis5 it's been five years, it's not going anywhere.

True. I just worry maybe I wasn’t fair to him. He know it’s messed up thinking.

I know I mean

@namechangeforthis5 is he, or any of these men, worrying if they’re being fair on you/us.

Course not.

you’re doing SO well. Stay strong!

Thank you @Peaceatlast01 😍. And you know what it’s definitely not fair on his wife or my husband so I know I’m right

Just wanted to join this thread. Me and my ex last had contact 3 months ago. He has blocked me on absolutely everything so no way of contacting him. I still have feelings for him and it wasn’t a mutual decision to end things so (embarrassingly) I am still struggling. I have days where it doesn’t feel as painful and I hardly think of him but a lot of the time he is in the back of my mind and there is a sad, heavy feeling.
We live in a pretty small area and have a lot of mutual friends, which doesn’t help as keep seeing him pop up in tagged pictures on Facebook and then find myself zooming in and trying to see who he is say next to. Does he look happy!
Have a feeling he is back with an ex. She was always OBSESSED with him and sent him loads of messages throughout our relationship just to “check in” as a friend and he didn’t respond and always insisted that he had ended things as he realised he didn’t have feelings for her.
I really hope this gets easier!

@Tulip844 that sounds hard but you know you can be strong

Sorry me again. Was just thinking about how nice he was to me a few weeks ago. He gave me some advice and reassurance on something that was really worrying me. I don’t know it’s just making me feel bad. I know I’m pathetic

@namechangeforthis5 but are there, say, 10 other occasions where he hasn’t treated you well, or made you feel a bit shitty, or been a bit hot and cold? I expect so.

I think we cling onto the “but he did this lovely thing so he must care about me/like me” as a way of justifying keeping in contact.

Think of your best mate, how many times have they given you advice or reassurance? Hundreds probably, but you don’t get hung up or cling onto every single occasion like we do with men.

He gave you reassurance, yes, but you’re still so much better without him.

@Peaceatlast01 tbanj you. I know I’m being a pain now. You are right. He’s upset me a lot of times. Just why is he being nice to me if there is nothing in it for him

So you'll stick around for when he wants you.....
Breadcrumming...

Also the fact you can remember incidences of him being nice, show that they are few and far apart!!

Being nice should be the norm, and so often that you wouldn't be able to keep track

True. I just think it’s a huge investment of time although I probably gave him too many chances