Anyone else trying not not to contact a guy part 2??

[YouAreAllMySymmetry]

Hey loves @namechangeforthis5 @Frith2013 and whoever else I can think of.

How we all doing?

I'm having a weird night; I've been drinking and guess what skill it reminded me I've developed: crying out of one eye. It means that people generally don't notice, in the car, or lying on the couch or in bed.

That's sad, isn't it.

"He gave me a bit of excitement I'm unable to get anywhere else in my life. But equally he makes me feel shit and messes with my head"

This resonates!

Still mulling on whether to text him a happy birthday

Don't!! Bet he's sat waiting for you to text and when you do he will be all smug that you've contacted him first......and he won't reply, then you'll feel like shit again and wish you hadn't!!

Do you reckon? He might be thinking she’s horrible for not messaging me. I would love to hear from her.

Don't do it. You're looking for excuses .

I know a woman who posts happy families on FB with all her friends chiming in about what a wonderful family they are. She posts glowing tributes to her husband yet she has a man she messages and meets. I don't understand why people do this? It's to relieve the monotony of life? What the heck goes on in their minds? At any time one mistake could destroy what she has/ what any of you have....these men are fuckers. They think only of themselves. You're worrying about how they feel? Come on, wake up and look at this!

@namechangeforthis5 don't do it! Be strong!!
Still confused as mine does like me (&not just for one thing) I am wondering what his resolve is to not message me back!?

@loveburnt it's like a drug is the only way I can describe it. You know it's really bad for you and your family but all logical thought goes out of the window. It's not the nicest situation to be in!

You’re all right of course. I need to concentrate on myself and my family. Fuck him

Nailed it! It feels like an addiction.

I am not really feeling great. Do you reckon withdrawing from this can be a cause?

Do you mean can withdrawing from your person make you feel unwell?
For me I feel anxious, nervous/stressed & overwhelmed while I'm in contact with him (with glimmers of extreme excitement of course) and miss him a lot when I'm not in contact
Both affect my physical and mental health. I'm on antidepressants for the first time in my life and these have helped me feel better.
Sorry if that's not what you're asking.

Have you held strong @namechangeforthis5 ?

Yes I have. I mean I’ve been feeling a bit down and fed up. I guess texting or calling him was a bit of excitement but I have to admit it didn’t make me feel great mentally in the long run

Yeah I do think it's hard to feel the dopamine drop like a stone, I think it's physical and mental. The mental struggle is wild, and pretty damn near broke me.

I still wake up most days with my stomach in knots although now there's absolutely no reason.

It feels good and bad in equal measure and that's just not a healthy way to live.

I agree. Recently I’ve had moments of waking up not thinking about him at all so I think it’s just something I have to work through

I am in exactly the same situation as a lot of you. My co-worker paid me a lot of attention, I was feeling unloved and ignored at home and the dopamine hit was irresistible.

Unfortunately I ended up sleeping with him once and doing other stuff too.

He picks me up and drops me whenever I want and has never had a successful adult relationship of his own at all. He is emotionally unavailable and a manchild. He tells me he loves me and he wants to be with me but then but says it was all a mistake. He ignores me and then reels me back in. I ended up crying over him a lot and looking unhinged which really frustrated me!

He has been out of the office working on a job for 3 weeks so I took that as my opportunity to cut all contact. The relief has been immense. No more uncertainty or
overthinking. I’ve been abroad on holiday with my husband for the last week and we’ve had some meaningful honest talks and are totally back on track as a couple.

Tomorrow is my first day seeing him back at the office, so I need to stay strong and just be
polite and cool.

All your stories have really helped me to gain perspective and understand why I did what I did so thank you all ladies!

Totally agree with the "bit of excitement".... and the long run aspect.

I have been in a constant state of anxiety about him not messaging...why isn't he...who is he with...when are we meeting next...

Absolutely constantly on my mind.

I realise it's been all encompassing for not very much in return.

I must stay strong 💪 as l do deserve better... but equally it could have been so good if he'd just met me halfway with what l needed...but he wouldn't

Today is five years since this all started 🤦🏻‍♀️

@NeedToAskPlease you really do deserve better

@Teenagekicksmyass how did it go?

@namechangeforthis5 well done for not messaging on his birthday, I had the same situation a few weeks back and this was the first year in about 5 that I didn’t text HB. I’m sure he noticed but if he didn’t, who cares? What actual difference does it make to my life?

I was on the previous thread, won’t repeat my (long!) story but essentially have been no contact since January with someone I was in an EA with on and off for 5 years, though he’s still checking my LinkedIn profile often (neither have any other social media and no longer work together so don’t see each other), whatever that means.

i saw this earlier and thought some of you may find it useful:

”to heal a wound, you need to stop touching it” ❤️

@Peaceatlast01 thank you for that. It totally makes sense and resonates with me. I have had the kind of day where Im so thankful for what I have and I really have zero desire to message him or anything now. Yes I feel bad as he probably is wondering where I am and if it’s him but I need to park that and get over it. I feel major regret over it and very bad about what’s been done already. Time to move on for good. I am pleased you’ve found peace and healing. I do remember your previous posts so I know how far you have come.

Actually I take it back. He probably isn’t wondering where I am and if it’s him at all

I don't think mine even gives me a second thought when we are not together. If he did, he'd have messaged.

I think he's a very "out of sight..out of mind " person