Anyone else trying not not to contact a guy part 2??

[YouAreAllMySymmetry]

Hey loves @namechangeforthis5 @Frith2013 and whoever else I can think of.

How we all doing?

I'm having a weird night; I've been drinking and guess what skill it reminded me I've developed: crying out of one eye. It means that people generally don't notice, in the car, or lying on the couch or in bed.

That's sad, isn't it.

Quite, @YouAreAllMySymmetry. Complete opposite from my husband but wtf did I keep going back. I felt worthy somehow. Like I ‘knew’ him

I think that's just the same as saying -

Cigarettes help me calm my nerves, they're not bad for me

Spot on @pubertyalloveragain

Weird eh. How interest from some other random dude feels affirmative, more so than a long marriage.

Bonkers.

I know. It’s ridiculous but if it came down to it I’d obviously want my husband. I guess this other guy seemed ‘cool’ and ‘popular’ and ‘dangerous’ and with my low self esteem I couldn’t believe he’d chosen me. My husband is an amazing person. Lots of people like him but I’m more equal with him so it’s obviously something weird to do with my low self esteem and actually telling this guy I didn’t want to talk to him anymore felt good but part of me thought that he was being awful because he was trying to get rid of me but wanted me to do it for him

This is spot on

I mean, do I want my husband over some dude who drunk texts another woman while his wife works night shifts?

Yeah, in my logical mind.

Would I have blown up my life over him anyway?

Maybe. I could've a few times but always backed away at the last minute.

Would I still? No idea.

Nah you really don’t

The joint hobby has come back to haunt me!

The one I used to be entangled with did something fairly impressive on Friday connected with the joint hobby. (Let's say he won a swimming race). The Whatsapp group is now on fire with what my son would describe as "bum sucking" messages for him.

Logically, I know he did well and there is nothing at all wrong with people congratulating him.

I wish he would just move away. A little bit of me also wishes he ended up with a bit of groin strain but then I feel guilty and nasty for thinking like that.

Absolutely this.

The guy I was seeing is so good at what he does (hobby wise) and is regarded as a calm, sensible person - almost a sage for the excellent advice he gives other people - even me!

But you get to know him and the calmness is a veneer. He is actually quite highly strung, tetchy, falls out with people a lot.

He is highly qualified but he is also incredibly lazy.

And he's married. Which I didn't know (at first) and still no one in the extended friendship group knows...

And now I am angry.

Why can't I get over it. I can get over the last year but it's that last stunt he pulled. I pushed back and pushed back and relented and he set up this romantic thing with the fire and hours of such intimate chat and what you would think of as genuine friendship and closeness. And then nothing, waiting for me to message him for about three weeks and then I can only assume am blocked as I didn't. Why should I have to be the one to text and say ah that shouldn't have happened etc.

Who fucking deserves that, what kind of sick twisted stunt is that. How can I deal with my anger at how he treated me and the anger (sadly v little compassion) that I let him and now letting him get away with it.

I just wanna tell him what a horrible snake he is. To think he is sitting there with whatever his relationship is, happy as anything and no one the wiser and no come uppence

Talk about just fucking with someone for the sheer fun of it. Id have never imagined sitting there that night a month again that he'd slip off without a simple goodbye.

I'm also filled with anger, this week but particularly today.

He nearly broke me, picking me up and using me days after my ex left me and moved out.

No one knows. Everyone thinks he is great.

Texting me for sex then ignoring me for 2 weeks or more. Then trying to be friends (using the line "our friendship is sacrosanct") before reeling me in again, calling me names, trying to have sex with me while I was asleep, blocking me, unblocking me then silence.

I am so tempted to add onto the WhatsApp group "what an impressive achievement! I bet your wife is delighted for you".

I'm actually going to go to bed now to stop myself!

He must be a total nutjob his poor bloody wife, she no doubt knows it and can't say anything or get away from him.

I just cannot fathom how twisted that it and for me how it was in the end, when the whole way through I was direct but polite and straight up and nothing not a crumb in the end. I just don't get the rationale, was he ashamed, we he just cowardly sensing id had it or did he actually just get off on it.

I don't know if I am blocked. I cannot give him the satisfaction of getting a message from me if I'm not. But I would love to know if I amnor he's just deleted my number. He'd usually pop online intermittently but not this time. Did he confess, or get caught or what. I wasn't even doing anything with him. It's just gross.

Just a turd emoji that would suffice :)

I know I can't go back to the joint hobby. I can't see him again, swanning around like normal, talking to me as though nothing happened.

I know I would a) get emotional then not be able to tell anyone else there why or b) out him in some very dramatic way.

Or 'wow what an achievement, as they say, behind a strong man is an even stronger woman'!

So spineless

Him not you!!!

Haha, well also me, for not seeing through him immediately or getting rid of him the first time he behaved like a prick!

Absolutely not.

Well the first prick behaviour perhaps, me too. I am never giving anyone the benefit of doubt again ever ever ever.

Please don’t out these guys publicly.
Personally deep down I think they deserve it to be on huge advertising hoardings everywhere they go, absolutely. However there are innocent victims of all this.
If you went into it knowing they were married and willing to take the risks that come with affair territory: abrupt abandonment/ ghosting/ being strung along/ lied to by a man you have the advantage of already knowing is a liar, you’re not a victim, even if he lied to you, too, you’re a participant.
Publicly outing him, whilst maybe making you feel better momentarily (it will definitely backfire one way or another) has the power to wreck many lives, not just his, in an awful way.
The pain finding out in this manner, or the horror of seeing it served up as gossip if they already know about it, would cause the real innocent victims of all this, ie wives, partners and / or children, would be terrible.
Their wives might already know, their kids might not. There is a lot of unnecessary shame heaped on wives who stay with unfaithful men. Sad, but true. It’s bad enough finding out privately, but finding out publicly or through a third party as gossip must be a special kind of hell that I was mercifully spared at the lowest time in my life.
Infidelity is a choice made by the participants but the wives and partners’ had no choice, their right to consent or not was removed. They are not told that somebody else is sleeping with/ flirting with their husband, so they consent to sex with their husband as usual with no knowledge that their sexual health might be at risk. Consent removed. To have it aired publicly removes their right to privacy as well, just when they are at their absolute lowest ebb.
Then there is the eternal shade thrown at OW for you to contend with. If it is an affair situation, you would come across as the thwarted, vengeful OW and the usual outcome of that is that you get all the blame and everybody else thinks he dodged a bullet getting rid of a bunny boiler. Worse for you and almost better for him! Unfair? Yes. Totally. But true.
Unfaithful men don’t deserve to be able to get their lives back as if nothing happened, but the innocent victims certainly don’t deserve public outing and gossip.
I believe in telling wives the truth, giving them back their right to a choice, their right to consent or not, absolutely, but not in this way.
If anybody is thinking of doing this or vulnerable to drunk-texting (quite often when this sort of thing happens) then please be aware of the real victims in the scenario. When it hits the fan their life couldn’t be any more shit, believe me.

I heard something on TV last night. The worst thing to do is make a bad decision twice.