Anyone else trying not not to contact a guy part 2??

[YouAreAllMySymmetry]

Hey loves @namechangeforthis5 @Frith2013 and whoever else I can think of.

How we all doing?

I'm having a weird night; I've been drinking and guess what skill it reminded me I've developed: crying out of one eye. It means that people generally don't notice, in the car, or lying on the couch or in bed.

That's sad, isn't it.

Why don't you talk about it? I did have some sessions and I'd say it did help, a bit maybe. If nothing else it was just a place to sit and go 'fuck I'm in love with someone else' without it being a friend who feels likes they have to then advise/fix/judge/be bored as fuck of my shit.

But actually you seem to be moving past it so maybe it would be dredging things up that aren't useful?

I dunno.

Feels like such a mess right now

What's that thread @Jaz1987 ?

Joining in as I’m thinking of my ex and really don’t know why. He wasn’t great to me but for some reason I’m feeling all emotional tonight. Saw a photo on social media of him and his partner and it hurt. I don’t know why.

I know I won’t text him but writing this down to put my thoughts ‘to paper’

I haven’t admitted to being ‘in love with someone else’ out loud. Only in my head, and I think I may have said it to him during our ‘mistake’ it was heavily drink fuelled though.
I guess that’s why it’s so hard, it’s more than lust or loosing a friend.
And the fact I let myself fall in love with someone else just highlights the issues I have at home, which is the one area I am pretty good at compartmentalising 🙄

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/3800477-Dumped-by-text?postsby=user1471427667&page=4

there’s also a part 2

My goal is to not text him all weekend.
I text him last night, he gave a brief reply then ignored my fairly emotional response.

’Before’ we would text on and off all weekend, just general chat. I miss it.

I’ll see him Monday, just need to get through tonight and tomorrow. Not sure if posting here is helping or drawing my attention to it.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/3835502-Dumped-by-text-part-2?latest=0

great thread 🙌🏻

Thanks, will have a read.

I just can’t do it. I don’t want to admit it to anyone and I think she’ll think badly of me. But it is helping and I genuinely can’t stand him now anyway. It’s more about how I got taken in so easily by him. I mean that’s worrying

It doesn't matter what she thinks; she's not there to judge at all.

Sounds like it would be useful to discuss because you sound like you're worried and floundering over why it all happened. If you don't understand it what's to stop it happening again?

I actually had some CBT hypnotherapy and it really helped. It covered anxiety and dealt with coping techniques. Part of the problem is that often you have no one to discuss it with as it usually is illicit. Hence it goes round and round in your head and you can convince yourself of anything! Actually voicing things is helpful and when a stranger asks you questions about the person it seems to release some of the mystery and in the hard light of day you think WTF.

Yeah you’re right but I just can’t. Talking to all of you has really helped though

I mean...tbf it hasn't moved the needle all that much for me. Here I still am, after all...

I want to get through today without messaging.
I text him last weekend and he sent a very short neutral response hours later and it made me feel worse, I need to remember that.
But also, in the back of my head I’m thinking ‘the longer I go without texting him maybe he’ll start to worry about me and text me’
I know that’s not true though. My plan is to be vague and dismissive at work tomorrow, but it's hard because of the environment we work in.
He’s trying to be ‘normal’, but it isn’t the ‘normal friendship’ I’m used to. He says we can be close friends again but have to find a way to be ‘safe’.
God I miss him.

Ok @noitsachicken let's get through the day.

I've been reading a little about Norse mythology and also stoicism, and one idea that I find helpful is;

You're not your body or your mind or both; you are the observer of what goes on in your body and mind.

With an extra little gap of distance, you can become more detached from your instinctive feelings and responds, to become more of an observer of your thoughts and feelings.

Hi all chiming in as I am following your messages. I think about him million times a day, like a pendulum - one minute thinking my God what a shit to bombard me for a year and then drop me to god I so miss hanging out with him. Grrr.

Now I have distance from ‘mine’ I can have a bit of clarity. So the Xmas after we met in the July he took offence at something I’d said and was really horrible to me. I remember sending him loads of apologetic messages and getting in a right state. This was the second time this had happened. The first time he didn’t talk to me for a few weeks. The third time was a few months later and in the first lockdown. He blocked me then unblocked me a few months later. For some unbeknown reason this behaviour pulled me in more. Looking back he was a prized prick and only now do I see it clearly. My inner self knew though.

@pubertyalloveragain it’s shit isn’t it

All day I have been thinking of legitimate reasons I could have to message him. Trying to step away from my phone

Oh don't, if one is certain for whatever reason you will ultimately feel shitter.

I think I hung a belief on to him and really it's not about him at all. Have come out of a marriage a fairly dead one, with a lot of heavy shit. He came along and showed me some lightness and I guess felt seen and therefore felt some hope about the future and that better could exists and could come along for me.

And then he swiped it away, it felt like I my own sense of hope in the future is just naive and foolish.

That said I've certainly learned that they're are utter shits out there who'll do anything for attention. Certainly will be able to spot them better them next time and that someone has to earn my trust instead of me handing it over with a ribbon on it. I've wised up, the only silver living of it all really.

He's a self entitled coward.

I will not associate my hope and belief in a better future with anyone else, it's an inside job.

Thanks @pubertyalloveragain

Thing is, I’m reading all these posts and stories and it all rings true. Yet I am still thinking ‘but it’s different for me, he’s different’
🙄

I used to think that but honestly I’m processing everything he’s ever done and said to me and I’d blocked out or made excuses for a lot of stuff. Like the time I said I wouldn’t just meet him for a bj and he called me an arrogant bitch or the time he made me cry and told me I was pathetic. There’s others as well. I’ll tell you one more. He told me he’d gone for a massage and happy ending then said it was a ‘joke’. Yeah I still thought he was a ‘nice man’ wtf

And btw there are nice points about him. He does good stuff for other people and volunteers with kids but my point is I’d let this stuff pass all the time knowing inside he was wrong. He’s helped me work things out in my head but this horrid side of him comes out and when he did the nice things I’d say well you can be nice and he’d say I’m always nice it’s just you sometimes

Oh my @namechangeforthis5

Thank goodness you've managed to break away from him: he sounds genuinely awful if not outright abusive.