Page 28 | Anyone else trying not not to contact a guy part 2??

YouAreAllMySymmetry · 2024-06-20T20:51:33+00:00

Hey loves {mention:namechangeforthis5} {mention:Frith2013} and whoever else I can think of. How we all doing? I'm having a weird night; I've been drinking and guess what skill it reminded me I've developed: crying out of one eye. It means that people generally don't notice, in the car, or lying on the couch or in bed. That's sad, isn't it.

namechangeforthis5 · 01/09/2024 18:14

I have I promise. I’ve told him I don’t want to talk anymore and I’ve only ever done that a couple of times before. I’ve also said it doesn’t matter to me what he thinks of me but it’s all wrong. Thanks again you have all really helped me see clearly. Sorry for all the messages. I do appreciate it. X

Frith2013 · 01/09/2024 18:16

Also, it doesn't matter what he thinks of you.

namechangeforthis5 · 01/09/2024 18:24

Frith2013 · 01/09/2024 18:16

Also, it doesn't matter what he thinks of you.

Thank you x

namechangeforthis5 · 01/09/2024 18:27

Thewookiemustgo · 01/09/2024 01:29

@namechangeforthis5 this man is deeply unpleasant. Any man who thinks ‘slut’ is a pet name or cute has a huge void inside where his respect for women should be.
I’ve read your responses and what leaps out to me is how apologetic you are, how much of your self-talk is negative and putting yourself down, how worried you are about how you come across as.
You are none of the things you describe yourself as, you have no need to apologise and you most certainly are not what that vile man calls you, whether he’s joking or not.
Somewhere along the line during your life, you’ve got it into your head (or heard it from significant others in your life) that you are not enough as you are. You apologise almost for being here, for the very space you occupy in this world, you think there are a myriad of things ‘wrong with you’ and describe yourself as ‘pathetic’ and other negative words. It is no wonder that attention and validation, even from a clear jerk, have you so hooked in, it’s music to your ears after the negative things you say about yourself.
You are enough, Namechange. Look in the mirror and say it to yourself. Namechange is enough, just the way she is. Believe in yourself. List all your positive qualities. Don’t listen to the negative voice you use to beat yourself up with.
Everyone is flawed, nobody is perfect. But we’re good enough, Namechange, we’re good enough. You don’t need his validation. Seeking it out makes you feel worse about yourself. When you start to treat yourself better and change your internal narrative about yourself, you won’t need it.
There is nothing wrong with you, nothing. You just need some self-belief and realise the worth and value that your loved ones see in you. I mean this kindly: They can see how great you are, it’s about time you did, too.

Sorry @Thewookiemustgo i meant to reply to this but read it first thing this morning. This made me feel quite teary. I will go forward with this and remember your words. Thank you x
BTW he has gone. He said take care. I haven’t replied. Might be rude of me.

namechangeforthis5 · 01/09/2024 18:38

Just did the thumbs up emoji 😆

pubertyalloveragain · 01/09/2024 19:44

pubertyalloveragain · 27/08/2024 14:17

I started a thread a few days ago with mixed responses, perhaps this group will be a bit more understanding and helpful. For some reason the commenters on the thread thought Id made it up or was an AI robot. I'm not. I'm just hurt and confused and feel used, angry and disappointed in myself, and would love some help to get this monkey off my back.

Someone pursue me for ages and turned out he was in an up and down LT relationship. We were only seeing each other for a little while and after discovering this he admitted he didn't tell me as he knew Id stop seeing him (at this stage as in stop hanging out doing activities rather than anything romantic), even though there was chemistry and tension. He kept in touch and occasionally me met up to play a game pf tennis or something. I thought to myself no harm but after a while realised how compromised I felt (I was lonely after a marriage break up and esteem probably not the best) and also I felt terrible if he did have a GF that I was some other woman hanging around with her man. I told him this and for a few weeks it would be fine and then he'd get in touch again, ask me to do something and then I'd relent and say fine and then immediately after say let's just leave whatever our friendship was there as it mad me feel uncomfortable. Even though I adore his company. We were very comfortable with eachother just chatting etc.

Anyway this went on for a good few months, I know, my boundaries were crap but I have been in a funny place and it was easy going and thought to myself stop being dramatic. Anyway over the last few months he has been in touch and the last time he asked me to do something I said no he persisted and I relented, admittedly because I usually do these things alone and having the company is nice. So the last time he went all out and lit a fire on the beach one evening and we sat there for hours (in previous thread people suggested I made this up) I havent! That's why I am here! He went to such an effort and at the end of the evening kissed me. Given all my previous messages saying lets just leave it I thought this time, I'd just go to ground to sort of sniff him out. It was two weeks ago and he hasn't been in touch at all, I know he is expecting me to get in touch but I cant this time. Why would someone go to that sort of bother and then not have the basic courtesy to say, that was a nice evening though sorry in hindsight I shouldnt have asked you and shouldnt have kissed you.

I am not looking for people to tell me on he is into me (if he was I wouldn't feel so hurt) - what I do want is someone to help me deal with my anger with him. He persisted and persisted, set up this lovely evening, was clearly pretty happy with himself and then not even an acknowledgment. I should have said that evening when I saw the set up why aren't you here with your GF but I was just taken aback.

Sorry I know I come off as ridiculous but I have kept trying to back off and then he reels me in again and now after the last evening I just feel so hurt and stupid. I have had the crappest few years and just feel like he is a shit test the universe has sent me and I am failing miserably.

Edited

Would you let someone get away with this? It has shredded me, I am so hurt and angry he pulled this stunt. Is silence always the best way??

namechangeforthis5 · 01/09/2024 19:49

Because he wanted to feel he could. Honestly the dickhead I’ve just got away from made loads of effort to get me where he wanted me then fucked off. They are willing to play the really long game. And yes silence is the best way.

pubertyalloveragain · 01/09/2024 20:09

namechangeforthis5 · 01/09/2024 19:49

Because he wanted to feel he could. Honestly the dickhead I’ve just got away from made loads of effort to get me where he wanted me then fucked off. They are willing to play the really long game. And yes silence is the best way.

Edited

It is so f'd up. It bloody cruel.

pubertyalloveragain · 01/09/2024 20:09

I just wish I could stop taking it so hard.

namechangeforthis5 · 01/09/2024 20:14

It will get easier. Are you keeping busy?

pubertyalloveragain · 01/09/2024 20:27

Thank you. I just don't know why he got to me so much. Yeah I'm always busy but my mind will always wander to him and I just want to be free of it.

How someone can pull out all those stops and then not get in touch to acknowledge it or say a quick sorry. He strung me along for flipping ages and I pushed back and then he just got me in the end.

pubertyalloveragain · 01/09/2024 20:27

It's just messed up my confidence so much. I feel like a fool.

namechangeforthis5 · 01/09/2024 20:51

Lovely, you’re not a fool.

TheMagicDeckchair · 01/09/2024 22:23

pubertyalloveragain · 01/09/2024 19:44

Would you let someone get away with this? It has shredded me, I am so hurt and angry he pulled this stunt. Is silence always the best way??

Show quote history

This isn’t your fault. He is a manipulator and a user. It sounds like he completely love bombed you and then withdrew. Please read up on trauma bonding and intermittent reinforcement, it might help you to understand why you feel the way you do.

Also I have seen many kind, intelligent and lovely women like you be taken in by these types because they are so good at what they do.

And yes, as hard as it is, silence is the best way forward. Please keep posting for support.

namechangeforthis5 · 01/09/2024 22:25

What @TheMagicDeckchair said is spot on. This is not you at all.

TheMagicDeckchair · 01/09/2024 22:37

@namechangeforthis5 I want to give you moral support too! This waste of space man is taking up far too much of your headspace. He really doesn’t deserve it. He is diverting your energy away from yourself and your loved ones- the people in your life that really matter. He is having a really negative impact on you. You say he is a friend- but I think if this was a female friend making you feel so rotten you would have cut them out of your life by now.

You can have a much better, easier life without him in it. I know it’s tough to break the addiction but I genuinely think you will be happier with this guy out of your life. Sending you love and strength!

namechangeforthis5 · 01/09/2024 23:26

Thank you @TheMagicDeckchair I am really grateful for your words. I agree with you. I had to cut a friend off a few years ago and although it was very difficult I didn’t feel the need to keep going back to her. She was horrible to me and I think this man isn’t much better although he puts the act on.

namechangeforthis5 · 02/09/2024 08:06

Good morning how is everyone. I’ve woken up this morning feeling very positive. Strangely I had a dream me and DH weren’t together although it was early on in our relationship in this dream. But I think it’s made me take stock of everything and I’ve realised I really have been giving to much of myself to this dickhead man who doesn’t deserve me or the family he has. Just wanted to thank you all again and I’m still here and hope to be the same support to you!

Thewookiemustgo · 02/09/2024 09:45

@namechangeforthis5 didn’t realise he had a family. The way he’s behaving at present is their worst nightmare.
I’m glad you feel better, remember this feeling and maybe write yourself a note in your phone with all the reasons you listed for feeling as you do this morning, to read if you feel down or bad about yourself. This is who you really are, and your positivity is coming from a feeling of freedom. He’s a millstone round your neck and it’s only a matter of time until his family find out what he’s been up to. They think they’re clever but most slip up somewhere in the end, and the longer it goes on the more cocky and careless they become.
So glad you feel so strong today. The more you invest in other people and direct yourself to other things, the sooner it will fade. Keep going!

pubertyalloveragain · 02/09/2024 10:18

TheMagicDeckchair · 01/09/2024 22:23

This isn’t your fault. He is a manipulator and a user. It sounds like he completely love bombed you and then withdrew. Please read up on trauma bonding and intermittent reinforcement, it might help you to understand why you feel the way you do.

Also I have seen many kind, intelligent and lovely women like you be taken in by these types because they are so good at what they do.

And yes, as hard as it is, silence is the best way forward. Please keep posting for support.

Show quote history

Thank you so much for your kind comment. The situation has made me behave so out of character it has frightened me.

What are the motives of someone who does this, I know that question makes me sounds terribly naive. Is it really just attention? Why isn't the attention and love they get from a girlfriend sufficient? Is there any sincerity at all?

pubertyalloveragain · 02/09/2024 10:26

Also I wonder if his thinking is that he has love bombed me again and I won't be able to control myself enough not to get in touch? I know he hasn't deleted my number and I see him online every now and then on WhatsApp.

TheMagicDeckchair · 02/09/2024 11:42

pubertyalloveragain · 02/09/2024 10:18

Thank you so much for your kind comment. The situation has made me behave so out of character it has frightened me.

What are the motives of someone who does this, I know that question makes me sounds terribly naive. Is it really just attention? Why isn't the attention and love they get from a girlfriend sufficient? Is there any sincerity at all?

Show quote history

He is displaying narcissistic behaviour. The love bombing and total lack of empathy is an example of that. I don’t know whether or not he is a narcissist but I think you would find it useful to read about the experiences of victims of narcissists- they will detail the love bombing, devaluation, discard stages. You will see how narcissists are not genuine caring people like you but instead completely lack warmth and empathy. It will help you to understand how these people can go about their business seemingly without conscience.

pubertyalloveragain · 02/09/2024 11:48

TheMagicDeckchair · 02/09/2024 11:42

He is displaying narcissistic behaviour. The love bombing and total lack of empathy is an example of that. I don’t know whether or not he is a narcissist but I think you would find it useful to read about the experiences of victims of narcissists- they will detail the love bombing, devaluation, discard stages. You will see how narcissists are not genuine caring people like you but instead completely lack warmth and empathy. It will help you to understand how these people can go about their business seemingly without conscience.

Show quote history

I have wondered about this. Someone mentioned to me who some what knows him from the past that he suffers from codependency - which is then the opposite of narcissism.

namechangeforthis5 · 02/09/2024 12:18

@Thewookiemustgo I have blocked him as well now as I’m determined never to go back there. I mean I have a family too so I guess I’m just as bad but there was rumours about him at work about what he was like and I’ve never done anything like this before. He denied it all of course and said the women were the bad ones not him. I think he’s the kind of person who if found out would drag others down with him. I just want to move on and not think about him again. And needless to say I will never do anything like this again

namechangeforthis5 · 02/09/2024 12:52

pubertyalloveragain · 02/09/2024 11:48

I have wondered about this. Someone mentioned to me who some what knows him from the past that he suffers from codependency - which is then the opposite of narcissism.

Show quote history

So I think the guy in question with me is a narcissist as well and I notice he was more interested when I backed off. They want to feel in control and like they are special. He would be lovely but then be a massive arsehole. Rarely apologise but then say I’m always honest and I’ve never promised anything blah blah. We don’t understand because we are nothing like them