Anyone else trying not not to contact a guy part 2??

[YouAreAllMySymmetry]

Hey loves @namechangeforthis5 @Frith2013 and whoever else I can think of.

How we all doing?

I'm having a weird night; I've been drinking and guess what skill it reminded me I've developed: crying out of one eye. It means that people generally don't notice, in the car, or lying on the couch or in bed.

That's sad, isn't it.

Honestly I’m a bit freaked out by this. Obviously I know it’s not on and I’ve told him before but why am I so soft. The message hasn’t gone through yet so I’ve just said I’m out instead as you’re right. The other day he asked if I thought about him sexually and I don’t but I felt scared to tell him that. What’s wrong with me?

I mean...yeah, I reckon.

You had to put up with being called 'slut' as he called you over sensitive otherwise.

He seems to have coerced you into sharing photos you weren't totally comfortable with.

Mate. What would you tell your best friend if she described this situation to you?

Well I’d tell her to tell him to fuck off obviously. I only ever wanted to be friends with him really. And prob lack of self esteem. Now I’ve had some therapy and I would never do the photos thing again. That was a long time ago and we’ve lost contact since then but when he sent the ok slut reply I felt all cold. He started this. I’ve got low self esteem and some stuff happened whilst this has gone on in my life and he’s been nice to me and helped me with it so maybe I’m painting him in a bad light but I know underneath it’s not good. Funny I don’t seem to have an issue with telling everyone else if they treat me badly so why am I putting up with it from him. God I feel quite ill x

@Frith2013 sorry I digress but thanks for sharing your experience too x

Why are you disgusted and disappointed in yourself?

I can't really speak for others on this thread but I'll hazard a guess that we're all disgusted and disappointed in him.

There's nothing wrong with you at all but this is a bad man and you need to stop now.

The photos were a long time ago but he is the same man. He will be able to hide it for a while and say the right things but he will still be a little creep.

Don't worry about making a mistake. I have absolutely zero self esteem or confidence (thanks, weird childhood and shitty marriage) hence my very flawed decision making process.

@Frith2013 thank you. That really
means a lot. I just think I’m a bit pathetic. Actually he’s called me that before as well. Gosh my husband is lovely so I’m obviously pretty flawed to be putting up with this shit. Well I’ve told him now it’s a bad idea and I’m done. You guys on this thread I wish I could buy you all a drink honestly. Xx

This is my mantra from now on
There's nothing wrong with you at all but this is a bad man and you need to stop now.

I've never told anyone this before, but here you go...

A few years ago I was learning about mantras and being positive etc. At that point, I could not have told you one positive thing about myself (I can only think of a few now!)

After a few days of thought, my mantra was "There is nothing inherently wrong with me".

Well, it was a start! 😀

You are not all these awful things that he said you are.

I made a mistake seeing bike man. I was very vulnerable (split up the week before), thought we were just friends and he just wanted to cook dinner for me, thought I could ignore the pleas for sex and somehow remain friends, thought I could dally a bit and miraculously go back to being friends.

It was just a mistake. You will have very different reasons for your decision and it was just a mistake.

@namechangeforthis5 this man is deeply unpleasant. Any man who thinks ‘slut’ is a pet name or cute has a huge void inside where his respect for women should be.
I’ve read your responses and what leaps out to me is how apologetic you are, how much of your self-talk is negative and putting yourself down, how worried you are about how you come across as.
You are none of the things you describe yourself as, you have no need to apologise and you most certainly are not what that vile man calls you, whether he’s joking or not.
Somewhere along the line during your life, you’ve got it into your head (or heard it from significant others in your life) that you are not enough as you are. You apologise almost for being here, for the very space you occupy in this world, you think there are a myriad of things ‘wrong with you’ and describe yourself as ‘pathetic’ and other negative words. It is no wonder that attention and validation, even from a clear jerk, have you so hooked in, it’s music to your ears after the negative things you say about yourself.
You are enough, Namechange. Look in the mirror and say it to yourself. Namechange is enough, just the way she is. Believe in yourself. List all your positive qualities. Don’t listen to the negative voice you use to beat yourself up with.
Everyone is flawed, nobody is perfect. But we’re good enough, Namechange, we’re good enough. You don’t need his validation. Seeking it out makes you feel worse about yourself. When you start to treat yourself better and change your internal narrative about yourself, you won’t need it.
There is nothing wrong with you, nothing. You just need some self-belief and realise the worth and value that your loved ones see in you. I mean this kindly: They can see how great you are, it’s about time you did, too.

Haven't posted in ages but have kept reading. However needed to post on him calling you a slut.

W...T...A...F

My FWB calls me that WITH PERMISSION when we're having sex and l play up to it as that's part of our kink.

BUT .... you have told him you don't like it and he continues. Absolutely not on at all!!! No respect for your wishes which is not acceptable.

You definitely shouldn't feel stupid. You're not stupid. It sounds to me like he got you into a place where you were vulnerable to him, and I don't think that was an accident.

You say he's more into you than you are him; that's great, because it means you can just block him and sail on by.

You've given it your last shot this week trying to be friends, and he's made it abusive and dirty because he's an unfortunate perv.

No more shots for him.

I had another sort of mantra, years ago, when I broke up with a horrible man.

I remembered it recently.

I made a list of pros and cons when he left. I made the list of cons as long as possible, including "wears a short sleeved shirt under a suit jacket" and "makes a stupid nom nom nom noise if he's enjoying a meal". I'm sure you could make a good list!

Anyway, I was pondering the list (held on my fridge by a magnet) and I suddenly thought, "I don't WANT him". I realised I felt incredibly sad but I didn't really want him back. I just wanted to stop feeling sad.

So Mr Bike. I don't WANT him. Not really. Not the waiting a fortnight for a very boring text, the stress and guilt, the boredom, his complete lack of a sense of humour etc.

Hi ladies. So a little update and by the way thank you ALL so much for your kind words and being so lovely. Wish I knew you all in person 😊
He read my messages this morning and nothing. So I sent a final one
I don’t want to hear from you again. I genuinely thought you wanted to be friends but you’ve blown it with that one disgusting word. I’ve told you before not to call me that. I don’t like it and it’s not what I am and you have done it specifically when I thought we were being friends. It was bad enough before. If that’s what you think of me then I’m not interested
he replied hey what did I do. I told him and asked how he didn’t know that. He said apologies and he didn’t know. There was a bit of a convo but the upshot is he doesn’t think of me like that and he read the situation wrong. I said in what way and it wasn’t ok in any situation. No answer but he never speaks on Sundays anyway. I’m done tbh. And I mean it. I need to work through who i am without him on the scene. My family deserve better and I’ve got other stuff going on. You guys have been real friends albeit it through the internet but I feel like I’m more supported by you than this dickhead x

Sometimes it has to get to rock bottom for it really all to sink in.

Yes absolutely true. I think I’ve always had this feeling but my low self esteem gets in the way x

He’s answered and said it was meant to be sexual banter. I’ve said yeah sure that’s what they all say.

It's sexual banter ONLY if you are both in agreement with it....and you made it blatantly clear ...more then once.... that you weren't.

Basically his sexual kicks meant more than his respect for you

Kick him to the kerb. No-one should degrade you.

So he’s apologised again and said if you don’t want to speak again I understand. Don’t know what to do. I have said I accept his apology and thanks for acknowledging my feelings but deep down I feel that’s what he thinks of me. And I don’t know. To be fair that is the first time he has apologised like that.

How many times does he get to keep calling you a slut and then apologising?

Or will he now use a different word....like whore... and start it up again?

Unless I didn’t make it clear enough before. But I think I did.

Omg he’s just sent the thumbs up message. That is really grating. I’ve sent a reply saying the fact I said I didn’t like it before and he still said it really bothers me. Awaiting the look I’ve apologised response

He has said ok. Fuck him. He’s getting nothing more from me.

I'm sorry but please stop engaging with this man he is toxic.

You need to stop.

Nothing good is going to come out of this.