Anyone else trying not not to contact a guy part 2??

[YouAreAllMySymmetry]

Hey loves @namechangeforthis5 @Frith2013 and whoever else I can think of.

How we all doing?

I'm having a weird night; I've been drinking and guess what skill it reminded me I've developed: crying out of one eye. It means that people generally don't notice, in the car, or lying on the couch or in bed.

That's sad, isn't it.

Some say to block, I was glad I didn’t block, it helped to see how little he truly cared with each day that passed. At first it was excruciatingly painful, but I’m not sure I would have healed the way I have if I had that what if he had contacted me, what if he’d apologised, what if he was actually the man I had believed him to be and it was just a blip. Nope, he was a fake, uncaring, gaslighting, love bombing, shallow, emotionally immature, twat. He had a beautiful side, but I’m not looking for a side, I’m looking for a whole.

@Sapphireroseisland I totally get that. I haven't blocked mine either, but I have deleted the chat thread so I can't contact him as don't have his number. I also think with blocking, I would always wonder has he tried to reach out etc and I would never know.
At least if they are not blocked and they don't get in touch, then we know how much they don't actually give a f###. It can be easier to move on that way.
if I genuinely didn't want to hear from him again and was indifferent toward him then I might block. But I still like him unfortunately 🙄

Mine sent me a song sort of out of nowhere, a song I didn't know before, and I'm sitting looking at the lyrics and...it's just sad.

It wouldn't mean much to anyone else but he and I know what music means.

I’ve actually unblocked mine. I don’t think he’ll message me and if he does it will be nonsense. I think it just makes it bigger in my head when I block and he’ll be more likely to text me asking why I’ve blocked him accusing me of drama

It's been weeks since I saw mine. Just over 4 weeks, I think. Still blocked everywhere.

The only stumbling block now is a joint hobby. I haven't been to that for 4 weeks but am still on the WhatsApp group (which I like) but am getting tired of seeing pictures of his silly face on there.

My older son would describe the treatment of him by others in the WA group as "very bumsucky" !! 😀

I'm half tempted to lose the weight I've put on since I left him then waft back looking serene. That will take a long time...

Haha @Frith2013 I'm determined to look effortlessly fabulous should I see him again. There's a couple of things this year I'm going to where he may or may not turn up, and I want to look causally amazing while he looks like a prematurely aging dude.

Hello all,

I’ve been v quiet on here as I found reading this thread was making me think about OM much more than I wanted. I was on the first thread and essentially had an EA over a period of 5 years, which I put a stop to in Jan this year and asked him not to contact me, he was working his notice at our company at the time and it felt like the right natural ending.

so fast forward to this evening, after 8 months of no contact, he’s messaged me…asking for work advice. I’ve responded, pretty formally and didn’t ask how he was etc, and to his thank you message I’ve just done the thumbs up reaction thingy…but I’m really quite annoyed. To think it’s okay to message when he knows that’s always been a slippery slope for us and he knew my reasons for not wanting to message anymore..but because he needed work advice and didn’t apparently trust anyone else he thought it was okay to break our agreement.

I know I’ll struggle to get him out of my head for a few days now too, the prick.

Thank you for listening to my rant!

Utter rubbish about work.... he's contacted you on purpose knowing it's a slippery slope using that as an excuse!

Block his number otherwise he'll message again now.

@Peaceatlast01 oh, what an arse!

@Peaceatlast01 i agree. I was doing really well until mine messaged me a random place name. Load of nonsense but knocked me. I almost sent mine a pic yesterday then thankfully lost signal. It’s more about my mental health I know that

He didn’t really open up the conversation though, didn’t ask any questions and just replied with “thank you very much” so I do think he was just being incredibly user-ish and knew I’d be able to answer his question.

I’m a bit annoyed I responded to quickly, about 30 mins after he messaged, but happy with my pretty formal reply and that I then didn’t respond to his thank you message. Sad, I know!

They’re weird. Mine just wrote one word and when I asked him he said sorry. I then pressed him and he said I think I was thinking of you! Load of crap

Mine got in touch a week and a half ago, I've ignored him but if he tries to contact me again, I know I will reply. I don't feel strong enough not to, if he was to get in touch a second time. I still like him even though he treated me as an option and was inconsistent and basically making me feel anxious etc. I'm hoping he tries again and that's why I don't want to block him. Wow, I am actually a bit pathetic

@Inawe81 you’re not pathetic. I have been the same in the past. At least you’re admitting it.

Was it 'it ain't me babe' ? 😅

No @Danbury it was more like...living like this is shit, I'm wasting away, can't wake up from how I feel.

So that was helpful!

Cant believe how close I was to messaging mine yesterday

We spent all day messaging @namechangeforthis5

🤷‍♀️

Yeah but I’m on holiday and haven’t spoken to him properly for weeks now. Since June 10th. He messaged me a couple of weeks ago just a place name but except for that it’s been ages.

Yeah you're definitely better at holding the line than me!

I'm an idiot. But there's absolutely nothing being said that there shouldn't be, it's all very above board chit chat.

And now I'm sitting here realising that it's never going back to how it was, nor should it, and I know the damage the contact does, and I can't seem to put a stop to it.

I just know the risks involved if I do. If my DH sees it will be devastating so that’s a massive factor. He’s seen before that he’s called me or whatever and I’ve had to think of something and I don’t want to live like that. My family deserve better.

@namechangeforthis5 whatever you do keep that at the front of your mind. The definition of “devastating” will instantly need a redefinition when you really understand the consequences. You won’t know how much you’ve lied to yourself and minimised it, minimised the risk, in order to subdue guilt and pick up your phone for a quick text fix, until you see the other side.
You know I’ve been on the receiving end of crap like this and it’s an agony that unless it’s happened to you, you can only imagine. Outside of the death of a child it’s the worst thing that can happen to you. Betrayal on that scale hurt me more than the passing of my parents, both of whom I loved so dearly. I don’t want that for your family, nor for you. If you ever get see the impact of it (I pray you never do) the pain you will suffer as the perpetrator will be an agony you won’t be able to easily get rid of. You’ll see how stupid and nonsensical all this is then, when those you care about the most look at you in horror like they don’t even know you, they won’t ever see you as the same person again and will have trouble ever believing a word that comes out of your mouth again, either. You’ll want so badly to not have done it. You’re risking your own mental health too. I know a family where the person got discovered and committed suicide. They saw the horror they had inflicted on their family and couldn’t face themselves.
Your family’s lives and belief systems will change forever, whether you get forgiven or not. Their mental health will suffer no matter how robust and resilient it is now. Their future relationships will suffer as a direct result of mistrust and past hurt.
You seem like a nice person, I’m rooting and cheerleading for you to stay away from this stuff, it could blow up your life and you’ll wish like hell you could turn back the clock. You’re doing brilliantly, keep on keeping on, you’re saving your own life as well as your loved ones’ lives.
Whoever this arsehole is, he’s not worth it. Don’t learn the truth when it’s all too late, believe me.

On a different note, in some posts, different people refer to their limerant objects (pretty much who they are) as “mine”.
eg “Mine hasn’t texted in ages” / “Mine does that too.” / “Mine has blocked me” “Mine xyz….” Etc.
Would it help if you asked yourselves “My” WHAT?
Define “Mine”.
Is he your: affair partner/ ex/ crush at work/ insert noun here. ?
Call them what they are:
my useless excuse for a man who’s just messing with my head for an ego boost, perhaps? Etc etc
Just wondered who they actually are to you, and if you dig deep for a definition of who they are to you, what purpose they actually serve in your lives (or don’t) , you might come to the answer as to why it’s hard to move on.
You need to be brutally honest with yourselves as to your own motives for keeping in touch, but maybe pinning this down might help you see stuff you either didn’t know, or have always known but have stuffed down or lied to yourselves about so that it’s easier to carry on obsessing. It’s always easier to carry on a bad habit than do the work to break it, so no judgment here)
Maybe nailing the who, the why and the real reason for doing it might give you something to say to yourselves in a moment of weakness?
At present as an outside observer, everybody’s “mine” appears to me to mean “my total pain in the arse that I’m obsessing about”.
Find your definitions and you might find your way out. Fingers crossed that this might help somebody.

I just use mine as shorthand on this thread for 'the guy I'm talking about'. I'm definitely not going to use his name so it's just easy.