Paying on second date?

[notamumyet2010]

Hi everyone. Really interested to hear opinions on the following as I have 2 friends with two very different opinions.
I went on a second date last night with a guy I’ve been speaking to for about a month (OLD).
First date was drinks, he paid, I offered to get the second one he said no it was fine. I had one alcohol drink and one soft drink. He had 2 soft drinks.
We then made plans for last night. I suggested a few different types of activities as I think it’s a good way to spend time with someone and he agreed to crazy golf. He asked about dinner beforehand and I agreed and he said about getting a burger somewhere. I have to admit that wasn’t quite what I had in mind but whatever.
I booked the golf (£28) and here’s where I went wrong. I assumed as I paid for that he would pay for the burger. But although I told him I had booked the golf, I didn’t actually say I had paid. There is no way of booking it without paying and most things you pay when booking in my experience!
Anyway we walk into the burger place and it’s very clear very quickly we are ordering and paying for our own. I have to admit I was floored! This is date two-we haven’t even kissed at this point and he can’t get me a burger and fries?
Straight away I feel a massive ick. Call me old fashioned but surely the first meal you have together it’s nice for the guy to pay?
Anyway we eat and go over to the golf place. I check us in and he says “Oh you paid, if I had known that I would have got your dinner”
I didn’t know what to say at this point so stupidly just said oh don’t worry.
So all in all this second date cost me nearly £50!

So friend one-
Its my fault for not telling him I had paid for the golf, men shouldn’t pay for everything and I have too high expectations

Friend two-
He is a tight arse and if he can’t fund a burger and chips on date two, god knows what he will be like in 6 months time.

It actually doesn’t matter as I’m not going to see him again as I didn’t feel anything when he kissed me, it wasn’t a very good kiss in my mind.

But that aside-what do you lot think? And I out of order for this? I just think if he really cared about the fact I paid for the golf and my dinner he could have asked for my bank details to send me the money to cover even just his game?

Really interested to read others opinions.
Thanks :-)

Just out of interest, after this and after you had “The ick”, why did you kiss him?

So, you are an escort ?

A woman paid to look good on a man's arm ?

I think that’s what the poster is saying yes, she would dress up and men would pay for her time.

Split everything. Why should a man pay? A relationship is about equality in all ways.

I've always tended to pay my own way in relationships. But I am a bit fed up on here of the constant "it's not the 1950s" jibes.

If a woman would like the man to pay. So what? How does it affect any of you? Men who want to be "gentleman" (and I'm sure some of you will cringe at that term) do still exist. If OP, or any other woman, wants to hold out for that kind of man. Why shouldn't they?

The whole point of it not being the 1950s any more is that women now have freedom. The freedom to pay half or all or none on any dates they go on! OP stated a preference, as is her right.

I resent being told to pay as much as I resent not being allowed to. Let OP, me and every other woman make our own choices on what we're looking for and what feels comfortable to us.

Err no. How does letting a guy pick up the bill if he wants to on a date make you an escort 🤣 as @DancingLions just said if women are looking for a romantic guy that wants to pay for dates and buy them flowers etc that’s their business. If you want to go 50/50 that’s your business.

Hah, at what frequency that "equality" REALLY TRULY happens in relationships? Once the ring is on the finger, tell me how often women do get equality? Is that outside your definition of "relationship"?

It's never equal! Men do the same job as women but get paid more + for women to get to the level where men reach takes ten folds of effort. And women still can't feel safe walking out on any street after sunlight is gone!

Ask how many women have endured not only the pain of childbearing and childbirth , also the amount of aftermath their bodies have to carry through until the life ends! Don't even start on what's happening in a household, chores, child caring and such!

Am I too shameful to want a man wanting to date me take a step back and offer some gentleman like manners? No, I'm not!

Please don't take equality in relationship is default. In reality, it's far from being true to the majority of us. The best I can ask is mutual respect. That's to say, I will offer to pay second round and certainly will insist on the third. But yes, I do want to see this man making an effort to show he's not counting "equality" from me in this context in this manner as the man did to the OP!

If this is your genuine expectation of how a relationship will pan out why would you bother, free dinner or not?

@Samedaysameshit I'm guessing it's because she feels equality isn't possible in any (heterosexual) relationship, so perhaps she wants to find a man who will pay for her so she doesn't have to pay a penny?
And of course, because equality is not at all possible because only women can carry babies and breastfeed, she'd naturally expect any man she did eventually choose to have children with to keep this up. So she'd obviously not work because, you know, there's no such thing as equality. Ever.

Date 1, he brought me tea and himself lunch salad thing but he offered me lunch. Date 2, I got us in for free as I had a membership. He paid for two teas and a cake for me I paid for one tea, date 3 concert he paid o brought a drink date 4 art exhibition he paid. He brought lunch, dinner and two round of drinks. He’s just booked a concern in February x

@Blendeddogs So out of all of this, you've paid for one tea?!!

I'm with friend one, I'm independent do pay my way. Doesn't mean I won't accept if he does offer to pay though going forward

I think it’s hilarious that you’re calling him tight in one of your replies, OP, while also saying that the guy should “fund the first 4/5 dates”

Your communication wasn’t clear; you had the opportunity to say you’d paid for crazy golf and you didn’t.

Life’s expensive. I don’t see why the man has to pay for dates, especially when you don’t know each other, haven’t kissed etc.
these days people could be meeting strangers and having first and second dates every week

I'd not have an issue, I've paid for dates , I don't believe in men paying for dates, women want to be treated as equal these days until it comes to things like dating 🤷🏼‍♀️

I'm with friend one

He’s definitely tight by doing this, it’s only a burger and fries! BUT he may have had a reason for it, like he was setting expectations that he wasn’t going to be used financially or that he wants a 50/50 relationship. Maybe he had been used like this before or been on a few dates that cost £50-£100 and it’s gone no where (a bit like this one) and he’s been left with the bill.

But why wasn’t she the tight one? It was only burger and fries.

How do 2 guys on a date cope? As the one with a dick pays so which dick pays?

How do lesbians cope? Do both ladies starve as no one pays?

Luckily I have no desire to "birth babies" so I can just look for equality in dating.

I’d be pissed that I paid for the whole thing, I’d be even more pisser at the comment about if I’d had known I would have paid dinner! Can’t be doing with all the tit for tat, he should have offered to pay for dinner, regardless of the fact of not knowing if you had paid for the golf or not. This guy is a right arse.

I really dislike this entitled attitude. It gives women a bad name! What is so impressing about someone spending money one you. Those are the shallowest of values in my view.

Equally, no, the person who arranges the date does not need to pay. How is this even a thing. It’s a social construct. Why don’t grown ups just use their words and plan ahead. If someone can’t afford the date they shouldn’t go. That said, I don’t thinks it’s wrong to accept your date paying for you, male or female.

I am old too, not in the dating game for a very long time, but I would still much rather pay my own way to be clear about expectations from the start. I feel sorry for men who date women with these expectations. Imagine being in the dating game as a male and there being an expectation you will pay for at least the first two dates! You’d be quite out of pocket if you were a man going on a lot of dates to find the right person. How do people on same sex dates even agree on who pays 🤣!

Stop feeling entitled. Pay your way. Have some pride!

I’m with friend 1

I think in the old days men would pay as they generally had better jobs or even that the women weren’t working. But now women can earn equal or more than men so I don’t think the old fashioned rule of the gentleman pays is really a thing now. You s no idea about his financial background, what he earns, what his outgoings are. And the same he doesn’t know yours.

I can't get past him standing there ordering his own burger on a date.

I’m with friend 1. You should have made it clear.
When ordering the burger I’d have just said “I’ve paid for the golf so do you just want to get the food and then we’re quits”