Tell me about the final straw that spelt the end of your relationship

[Nightstarry]

Things have been bad between me and DH for a while. He’s increasingly snappy and aggressive as he gets older, I have a lot of resentment. He’s hardly ever kind to me anymore.

It wasn’t always this way. But just now I mentioned a medical issue I wanted to get checked out at the doctor. Didn’t say what the issue was, just that I needed to go to the GP. He nodded and went off to do something else. It struck me that if he still cared, he would have asked ‘are you ok/what is it?’ We are not ‘private’ with this sort of thing, and I’m not the type who is constantly visiting the doctor either.

It’s shit, isn’t it? Imagine reacting like that to a friend who said the same thing…you wouldn’t!

Obviously things have been bad for a while and this is the latest in a whole load of crappy behaviour, but this small moment has felt huge. I know some ‘final straw’ moments ARE huge - infidelity or violence, for example. But I’m interested if anyone experienced an episode like this that made you feel truly ‘done’? Tell me your stories!

He was abusive in many different ways and I tolerated it for years but the final straw for me was one Christmas when the dc we're still small enough to be excited about father Christmas and he went to the pub at midday for a drink with friends promising to be back by late afternoon to join in with family stuff that we had agreed to weeks in advance. Got to 5pm and he was nowhere to been seen. It was humiliating having to explain to friends and family that I couldn't get him to leave the pub. Eventually a family friend went into the pub and brought him home at about 8pm where he promptly passed out on the sofa missing watching a Xmas film and the kids excitement of leaving a mince pie etc out for Santa, he then refused to help me get the dc presents out of the loft before bedtime. I remember putting the gifts into the dc sacks with tears streaming down my face trying to keep quiet so I don't piss him off or wake the dc. I vowed then and there I would not being doing this again next Xmas, i divorced him later the following year.

When I realised that he wanted the relationship to end, but didn't want to be the "bad guy". So his answer was to treat me like shit in the hope that I'd leave.

Breaking point was going out for dinner and spending the entire meal sitting in front of him watching messaging the OW. I realised that it didn't matter how hard I tried, he would never ever value or respect me - as he couldn't even respect me enough to say he wanted to split up.

When I told him to pack his shit and leave, he said that that he "didn't want to hurt" me by saying he wanted to leave. Totally denied having an affair - the fact that they started a relationship about 30 seconds after we split, was just a happy coincidence.

It hurt like hell at the time but it was a lucky escape. We were due to get married. I hear about him occasionally as he's part of a wider group of friends and he's cheated on every woman he has had a relationship with, including his now-wife.

Meanwhile my now-DH is lovely - although like all of us he has his moments! When I've been ill he's looked after me. When my family have needed help he's stepped in with practical and financial support. When I've been feeling low about my job, he's been my biggest cheerleader. I feel valued, in the same way that I value him.