Tell me about the final straw that spelt the end of your relationship

[Nightstarry]

Things have been bad between me and DH for a while. He’s increasingly snappy and aggressive as he gets older, I have a lot of resentment. He’s hardly ever kind to me anymore.

It wasn’t always this way. But just now I mentioned a medical issue I wanted to get checked out at the doctor. Didn’t say what the issue was, just that I needed to go to the GP. He nodded and went off to do something else. It struck me that if he still cared, he would have asked ‘are you ok/what is it?’ We are not ‘private’ with this sort of thing, and I’m not the type who is constantly visiting the doctor either.

It’s shit, isn’t it? Imagine reacting like that to a friend who said the same thing…you wouldn’t!

Obviously things have been bad for a while and this is the latest in a whole load of crappy behaviour, but this small moment has felt huge. I know some ‘final straw’ moments ARE huge - infidelity or violence, for example. But I’m interested if anyone experienced an episode like this that made you feel truly ‘done’? Tell me your stories!

Oh my lord! What a scumbucket he is.

Future faked me re marriage for 16 yrs but I loved the bones of him, we had some fantastic times, got on great, travelled etc but if he had too much to drink he'd ruin whatever event we were at.
He ruined the last family Christmas, I tried to have a conversation about it, he basically picked me to pieces, said such dreadful things that couldn't be unsaid or unheard.
He was sober which hurt all the more.
He killed all the love I had for him in a couple of sentences.

My ex still moans to people over 20 years later that I dumped him over a bottle of ketchup in the fridge.

He was rude and lazy and I was run ragged with two toddlers. I’d taken him back after he walked out when they were babies and slowly he’d turned into another child basically. He pestered for sex at 5am when he woke up, even though he knew I’d been up two or three times in the night and didn’t have to be up until 8am.

He keeps ketchup in the fridge. I keep it in the cupboard. We had our own bottles to save argument when he moved back in. I had incredibly sensitive teeth at the time and couldn’t stand anything cold. I’d worked a 10 hour day on my day off to make extra money for our holiday, collected the wee ones from my Nana (as he couldn’t handle them both all day) and I came home with the treat of a bag of chips from the chippy. I went to get ketchup and found five bottles in the fridge. None in the cupboard. He’d taken every single one.

I realised in that moment that it was symbolic of the fact he didn’t give a shit about anything I wanted. He was just selfish and it was the final straw. He still genuinely seems to not grasp it was the final straw in a constant deluge of him being a selfish man child and tells people I dumped him because he accidentally put ketchup in the fridge.

It was lockdown and I felt like I had acquired a third child.

He'd lost his job and I asked him if he had any money left over from his JSA to buy the children wellies, as all of my salary had gone into essentials. He said no, so I asked my mum who kindly bought the children wellies. The following week he came home with a portable dvd player. I fumed.

At around the same time he bought some fancy sliced cheese - again with the salary I was earning. I made our 2 year old a packed lunch for preschool, with a sandwich containing said cheese. He had a real go at me because it was HIS CHEESE!!!

Oh and I discovered he'd been on dating apps. That really was the last straw. Some of them were the free ones, some others he'd paid for using - you guessed it - MY salary. I still cringe at the usernames he'd come up with - along the lines of "billybigballs" 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

I was already planning my escape. He was sexually abusive and insanely jealous . I was being financially abused so it was taking time to get enough money to go.

I was running myself a bath after a 12 hour shift, picking the kids up and then feeding, bathing, bed etc all while he sat smoking and watching tv. One of the dc woke up and I went to settle them. I walked back into the bathroom to find him urinating into my bath water!. The toilet was a couple of feet away but there he was blowing his nose with his hands and standing with his penis hanging out of his pants pissing into my bath.

I knew right there that he had absolutely no feelings for me. I went to my grandfather the next day and swallowed my pride. Asked for a loan to get away. He gave me enough for a rental deposit and a few months cash to get us through. We left a few days later with just a few bags of our clothes.

He thought he was so funny breathing on me and insisting to kiss me - while he had covid. This was back on the first wave before vaccines etc and everyone was terrified.

I obviously caught it from him and he didn’t even phone me to check how I was, I was left to look after 3 kids by myself with covid.

I never saw him again.

Diabolic. How awful. ♥️ Xxx

He went out with a friend to watch rugby in the afternoon and didn’t roll in until 230am the following morning. He has issues with alcohol and constantly going out with mates, over time with family. So after that, i filed. I was tired of this shit

well, he’d had an affair - told me it had stopped, but I then found out that it hadn’t. Complete disrespect for my feelings in all sorts of ways. But the lightbulb moment was when he said ‘I think all our problems would be solved if you just lost some weight’.

Never regretted leaving him.

Sorry you didn’t get the care and interest that you deserve from a partner, op. Hope all goes fine at the doc.

I could write a long list and I still haven't left yet, trying to get my ducks in a row.

The worst moment was after my dad passed away. He had been ill for a while and I had spent many nights in different A&E with him.

I was physically and mentally exhausted, I had a breakdown. Lost 2 stone and used to physically shake.

I told him I felt so bad that I wanted to end things ( I seriously thought this was the only way out.) He replied "well, make sure you write your will and sort your pension out."

After taking an overdose he screamed at me in the car, dropped me at A&E and left me there.

Im sorry for everyone on this thread that have suffered abuse of any kind ❤️

Catching him in the act of snogging someone I thought was my friend.

@HowDidJudithSurvive bloody hell. What an utter utter scumbag.

I'm so glad you never heard from him again.

My car had a blow out on the motorway. I was incredibly lucky that I managed to get to the hard shoulder without hitting any other car or any other car hitting me. It was an awful experience.

I rang DP to tell him what had happened and asked him to give me the number for the breakdown service. (He had the card with all the breakdown service details in his wallet as he had an older car). He didn't ask how I was, said he didn't know the number and hung up on me.

I knew then it was over. I could have been killed and he didn't care - he was happy to leave me standing on the side of the motorway with no way of getting home.

I've been happily single ever since.

After two years flitting between OW and me (yes, my first mistake) we were selling the house and buying another one for a fresh start. Offer had been accepted on our house, ditto our offer on the new one and the process was under way, only for ex to announce 'I can't do this' and we had to pull out of our purchase. Solicitor furious,* *seller furious, me completely blindsided and homeless.

Oh, and apparently everything that had happened was my fault and I'd brought it on myself. What surprised me was how eerily calm I was through the whole few weeks that this went on; it was as if mentally I'd finally realised what sort of character he really was and that it just needed this final nudge to tell me that yep, he's an arsehole and this marriage is over.

I set the solicitor onto him so he could explain it. Never found out what happened. And luckily had a DM a few miles away with plenty of spare room.

I've been happily single ever since.

Me too. Decades, in fact.

He was constantly undermining and criticising my children.

Things had been bad for a long time. I tolerated a lot because he was depressed. I tried to make things as positive as possible. I had an accident and three things after that pushed me to breaking point. He was massively resentful that I couldn’t do much at home (still took loads of the mental load!). First thing was him saying ‘I’ll have to do everything now won’t I?’ when I came home in plaster after 6+ hours in A&E. Second was him saying that he thought I wouldn’t have supported him like he’d supported me a few weeks after the accident. (That was like a glass shattering moment where I went from ‘Do you really have such a low opinion of me?’ To ‘Wait! That’s not true. That’s a lie you tell yourself to justify your behaviour towards me.’. Final straw was when he got plastered and didn’t make it to the loo. He was too drunk to sensibly clean it up (was trying to use loo roll) and I physically couldn’t. He later said he’d never seen me so angry but actually it was that I lost all respect for him in that moment. I made plans to end it when I had recovered. No regrets.

It's this one:
https://amzn.to/3RtFUyW

My own lightbulb moment came when my then H announced he was going to visit a female friend for a few days, I strongly suspected they were going to end up in bed (which they did.) Regardless of this, DS and I had the best, least stressful week without him that we'd experienced in several years.

He wasn't abusive, just deeply unhappy and negative and the marriage had well and truly run its course. We tried counselling but it quickly became apparent that we were on completely different pages. 6 months after the split he moved in with the female friend 😂I couldn't have cared less!

When he told me he was intentionally doing nothing around the house because he had observed I was doing less. I had just got out of hospital the month before and was very unwell at the time

Realising that he would never contribute financially - or take on board any feedback or support about his isolation, controlling behaviour, and need to control. Rages and criticism that increasingly hapoened in Front of the children - and then starting to put me down or belittle me in front of them. Realising that this situation is not good or healthy for me - or them. Recognising that despite my best efforts, we had reached the end of the road and he would have to go.

Oh and I should say recognising that he is responsible for all of the above, and I was leaving as finally felt I had no choice. Realising that his behaviour, or lack of, was on him.

When we had a child free evening... money and time to go out to spend some time together... I was on a 12 hour day shift and he was off work that day.. I said I would like to go for a meal as I was too tired to just go drinking, he said he only wanted drinks and wouldn't have food with me. I said forget it then as we couldn't agree.

He ended up going to the pub with his Dad and I spent the night in the bath realising there was nothing left, no compromise between us, no tenderness and no romantic love. I left a week later.

I found out about his numerous affairs.

I had wanted to leave for years before that and had been unhappy for even longer. He’s an abusive (financial, emotional and sexual) narcissist. I can’t even explain why I didn’t end it sooner - I did try but it never happened. It’s almost like I needed him to give me a proper reason. Anyway, he’s still telling me everything is my fault. For not giving him enough attention (we have several children - they don’t want anything to do with him), for not supporting him enough etc etc.

I’ve never been happier, I’m rediscovering who I am and have met an amazing man, who the children love.

I’m filing this week and it’s going to be awful. And I can’t wait!

I had asked for him to contribute more in so far as cooking a meal twice a week and I would do the other five. This was for our family.
He refused. He managed to turn it round on me saying the house was not tidy enough and he wanted more sex. I know, I know.
In a desperate attempt to save the marriage I ran myself ragged.
Final straw. After I returned home from work shattered he had done a full load of washing, hung it out and it was still wet/damp. He then said he was going out leaving me the job of bringing in the washing, drying the lot, ironing the lot, folding and putting it away. He had also let ds go to a friends house and told me I had to go and pick them up.
I told him his suitcase would be packed and outside when he came home. It was and I never let him back after that.

Also found out he was seeing someone else.
He never forgave me though and told our dcs he would make life hard for me and by God he kept to his word!