Tell me about the final straw that spelt the end of your relationship

[Nightstarry]

Things have been bad between me and DH for a while. He’s increasingly snappy and aggressive as he gets older, I have a lot of resentment. He’s hardly ever kind to me anymore.

It wasn’t always this way. But just now I mentioned a medical issue I wanted to get checked out at the doctor. Didn’t say what the issue was, just that I needed to go to the GP. He nodded and went off to do something else. It struck me that if he still cared, he would have asked ‘are you ok/what is it?’ We are not ‘private’ with this sort of thing, and I’m not the type who is constantly visiting the doctor either.

It’s shit, isn’t it? Imagine reacting like that to a friend who said the same thing…you wouldn’t!

Obviously things have been bad for a while and this is the latest in a whole load of crappy behaviour, but this small moment has felt huge. I know some ‘final straw’ moments ARE huge - infidelity or violence, for example. But I’m interested if anyone experienced an episode like this that made you feel truly ‘done’? Tell me your stories!

20 years of cocklodging and treating me as if Im some random stranger living in my own house.
More fool me.

There was no one thing, just a series of crap, abuse, treating me with contempt, being an alcoholic. I just woke up one day and thought nope, I'm done.

When I was in my twenties I broke things off with a long term boyfriend because I came home quite late at night, from a day of working two jobs and he just opened the door to me, wearing his Xbox headset, still playing his game and said he wanted to finish his game before he talked to me. And I sat there like a lemon on his sofa waiting for him to finish his bullshit computer game, and later on I realised his priorities were all wrong and it was over.

For me it was an action. He was financially and emotionally abusive and weak and I had got a really good interview lined up. I planned to get a kindergarten place for my DS, pay half the bills and probably leave at some point.

I think he thought he might have to step up and parent a bit, clean up a bit, be a grown up.

He asked me that if I was offered the job would I take it? I said yes of course. And I just caught his sneer in response.

Then he upset me so much I couldn't go to the interview.

I dawned on me. I could be just as unhappy and broke without him so what was the point?

Us women do put up with some shit don’t we. I just know that in my decision, it came from a place of long time being let down and treated badly spanning the course of my relationship. I was young when we got together. Im happy with the fact that ive tried and tried over the years, ive given everything for the sake of the kids but its like flogging a dead horse. So i decided to change things.

When I told him I had been sexually assaulted all he could say was " You're just going to go on and on about it ". He also said I was to blame because I did nothing to stop it . He also started pushing sexual boundaries with me . He's now an ex .

Really sorry to hear all the stories of abuse, hurt and general cocklodgery here..xx really seems that there comes a moment, often after some years, where we recognise that 'I am done!'

I told him I wanted to break up and he told me he'd be lonely if we split up. But then he proceeded to get riled up again and told me I'm "just not that good". After almost 5 years of putting me down and criticising me, it was the last straw.

Of course there is a huge back story but -

Refused to give me the money to buy sanitary towels, leaving me sitting on a folded up bath towel.

When I was sat in my car on a Friday dreading going home, trying to think of coping strategies to get through the weekend of mood swings and silent treatment because we hadn't had sex in 3 weeks.

The following day I told him I wasn't happy. He packed his shit, thinking I'd be begging for him to come back by the Monday. 4 months on, he's still waiting 😁

I took the train into the city to meet him for dinner as arranged and he stood me up leaving me in the station waiting for him. He'd lost track of time because he was with the colleague he was shagging and forgotten about me.

Ex DH and I had been arguing a lot since Covid hit. DD (4 at the time) was on the shielding list due to an impending heart op and frequent hospital stays due to respiratory illnesses. He continually went out, flouted the rules, refused to at least keep up good hand hygiene when he'd been out and about, and seemed to enjoy upsetting me and making me worry about DD getting Covid. DD has additional needs which he never understood (and still doesn't), that also caused lots of arguments.

The final straw was him losing his shit because DD (then 5) had a cold, was tired and didn't feel like going out for lunch for a member of his family's birthday. I'd been considering separating for a while and that made my decision.

When I found pictures of a naked girl in his phone and when I confronted him he tried to strangle me. I was devastated by the betrayal but also because I absolutely adored him. But I guess it was a lucky escape.

I was 39. He was 44. He worked away from home from the day I met him at 17. We married. Had 3 kids. Each pregnancy I had suspicions about him but no proof. Other than that we were relatively fine. He came home 4 nights a month mainly and I worked part time and brought the kids up. One May BH weekend we were meant to be going our for drinks with my niece. She cancelled and as he was sitting there with his slippers on he said are we still going out and I said no. I don't really want to go out with you because we have nothing in common any more. I left. Went to my mams for the weekend. He looked after the kids and he went back to work on the Monday. We conversed by text the following month and when he came back again I said I wanted to split up. I told him what I suspected. The landlady was who I suspected...This time. He obviously denied all knowledge. I was quite adamant thought. And I still believe I was correct till the day he died.
Simple thing really. But changed our lives. That was 12 years ago and he's now deceased and I'm due to be remarried in october. I do still feel a bit shit as he died accidentally aged 53 and we were very amicable by this point 3 years ago. He left everything he owned to me...200k. Which i split between the kids. Saddens me he never got a happy good life and saddens me for the kids.

When he rolled in at 4am after his usual Saturday night out; he slept alone in our child's bed, she was in with me. Dragged himself up at 9am to go to the zoo as arranged. He hurtled through the zoo 30 paces ahead of me and the 2 children. Totally ignored them during our small pic nic and watched all the other dad's playing footy and interacting with their kids. Made us leave early as he wanted to go out again that night.....turned out later he had arranged a date with his OW. Watching him stride off in front of us and realising people were actually looking at us ended it for me. There was no going forwards.

He gave me thousands of reasons to leave him, but it was one particular thing that made me decide. My DD's behaviour towards me had been horrendous for years. One day, I said that we needed to sit down together with her dad to discuss her behaviour that day. We sat down and she said 'the thing is mum, me and dad hate you'. And he responded 'don't say that DD'. It was true. He just didn't want her to say it to me. I knew then that I could never improve my relationship with my DD with him involved.

We were on holiday with our six year old. We’d been married 11 years. I felt more lonely on this holiday than ever before. We were putting beach things in the car. He snapped at me, spoke to,me as though I was nothing. I stood up from the car seat, faced him and said you will never speak to me like this, ever again. I started organising leaving him then. I left six months later, by which time I’d organised accommodation, got an escape fund together and - slept alone throughout. This is 46 years ago. I’m still relieved I got out. I’ve had a very happy second life partner

He was so late for my fathers funeral- the coffin had gone in, and I was stood alone

Having a proper go at me five days after I suddenly lost my mum, because I had paid the car insurance for the year, the month before. He had just decided that he wanted to work for Uber eats (that week) and the insurance I had paid for wouldn't cover it. I should also add it was my car and he was unemployed at the time.

Also he gave me no time to grieve without the kids and expected me to continue as normal. We lost our cat the very next week and he took himself away to grieve for the cat for about five days...just checked out completely.

That's lower than low!

He asked me if I had done something to cause the miscarriage.

3 years we had been trying, it was a much wanted pregnancy and in that moment I detested him and we divorced pretty quickly after that.

@HowDidJudithSurvive

That must have been terrifying.

Got so drunk at his sisters wedding that he couldn't even speak and staggered past me totally ignoring me and his 2 kids , I was 8 months pregnant at the time .

When I found my knickers in his work bag and he finally admitted that it was not our teenager who had been stealing my make up and clothes, but him.
Still makes me feel sick when I think about him.