Tell me about the final straw that spelt the end of your relationship

[Nightstarry]

Things have been bad between me and DH for a while. He’s increasingly snappy and aggressive as he gets older, I have a lot of resentment. He’s hardly ever kind to me anymore.

It wasn’t always this way. But just now I mentioned a medical issue I wanted to get checked out at the doctor. Didn’t say what the issue was, just that I needed to go to the GP. He nodded and went off to do something else. It struck me that if he still cared, he would have asked ‘are you ok/what is it?’ We are not ‘private’ with this sort of thing, and I’m not the type who is constantly visiting the doctor either.

It’s shit, isn’t it? Imagine reacting like that to a friend who said the same thing…you wouldn’t!

Obviously things have been bad for a while and this is the latest in a whole load of crappy behaviour, but this small moment has felt huge. I know some ‘final straw’ moments ARE huge - infidelity or violence, for example. But I’m interested if anyone experienced an episode like this that made you feel truly ‘done’? Tell me your stories!

@fossilhunting my god that must have been so so hard

Harrowing stories, also a bit uplifting that all of you managed to leave and some of you are very happy single!
I cannot complain about my husband, we have been married for 20 years, no kids, no financial difficulties.
The thing is (and I realise my story might not belong here), I'm 45 yo, spent 22 years with my abusive parents and roughly 22 with him.
I just want some life now on my own, in my own place and my own way, before it's too late.
My father died unexpectedly at 63.
Thinking about leaving often.
Sorry again if my post doesn't fit. ❤️

You've every right to post @GingerPirate but why not start a thread so you can get tailored advice, if that's what you want?

After yet another birthday of mine where he turned up to my house sighing and looking miserable. This was a pattern for my DC's birthdays, Christmas, basically any occasion where he wasn't the focus.
After explaining again to him, a full-grown adult, that on someone else's special day you should put on a good front or make an excuse and stay away, I realised that it wasn't going to get any better.

My friend from work saw him from a distance after I ended things with him and told me he was concerned as he was very obviously talking aloud to himself.

Omg I really feel for you. Parents are meant to support you!!!! Sending the biggest of hugs 🫂💐🙏

Celebrating our 10th anniversary (not married but living together). He was complaining about the data on his phone running out after a few days. I jokingly asked why had he been watching too much porn? ? Dead silence. Any relationship died right then. Not a affair as such but our sex life was non existent yet he was popping one off for some woman on the screen.

I'm not sure that anything in particular prompted it, but I was driving home from work one day and I just thought I'd had enough. I stopped in a lay-by, opened the window, took off my wedding ring and threw it into the grass verge. Never regretted it.

@kittybiscuits

How are things with your dad now?

That was very brave because you must have worried you wouldn't have children that you obviously wanted so much.

She didn't want to come on a family day out with me and the kids to the seaside. She never wanted to do anything. Any spare time she had she would spend with her mum and her sister.

I realised that she was far happier with them.

She can spend as much time as she wants with them now and she does.

It's still difficult at times. She knows deep down that I have her back. She's not close to her dad. But she tests and challenges our relationship and can be incredibly angry and attacking. I never regret leaving though. The relationship damaged both of my children. That was the case, whether I stayed or left.

He threw some hair clippers on the floor violently and shouted that my hairdresser was a whore.

In a way he was right, you managed to lose 15+ stone (of him) 😉 I hope you are happier now.

Same to all of you. There are some really heartbreaking stories here, the things people who are supposed to love you doing and behaving in the most dreadful ways.

Xh, an alcoholic, telling me twice that he'd stopped drinking so that DC didn't go completely no contact. Didn't want thé responsability but it hurt. In one of his vicious rants told me I'd forced him to get married in thé fucking church of England. Not true.
Basically he was as nasty sober as he'd been when drinking.
I'd had enough. Took me nearly 40 years, though.

Things had been bad between ex and me for a while, but I realised it was time to get rid when I saw him treating the kids the way he treated me.

DD saved up for some big clumpy goth boots, and when they arrived Ex laughed at her and said she looked ridiculous. Next day DS hurt himself quite badly doing something he'd been told not to do and Ex just shouted at him and said "told you that would happen". It didn't even occur to him to see how DS was. I ended it there and then.

We were meant to be doing an activity together, it was primarily something I wanted to do but he said he'd come and not in a grudging way. I made arrangements on that basis, and on the day he said he wasn't going because he didn't want to. It was a culmination of my coming to realise that I'd go to the ends of the earth for him, and he wouldn't come down the stairs for me.

A decade and a bit long relationship was over within weeks. I've since realised how toxic it had become for me, and I'm well shot of him. It was very much a boiling frog scenario.

He was mean and wouldn't contribute to the food shop when my mum came to stay then ate his own food that he'd bought for himself. He ogled other women and made excuses to be whereever they were. Belittled me and didn't like it when I got a job that was better paid than him.

On our wedding anniversary he insisted on us taking his mum to for a 100 mile round trip to the seaside - with me driving in a borrowed car, he didn't drive but I was expected to be a free taxi for him and his mum. I thought sod this for a lark and left him and I went to my parents .

He cried, lovebombed me, threatened suicide and stalked me. I found out he'd been seeing one of the women he had been ogling and during all his stalking and pleading for me to come back, etc he was sleeping with one of our so called friends. And a year later he'd got someone else and was pestering me for a divorce

The straw that broke the camels back was the colour of fence paint.. He lied, cheated, had a child with someone else in between our children, sponged off me for money, tried to stop me working, didn't appreciate I have a chronic health condition that leaves in lots of pain, pestered me for sex, let me do all childcare whilst he played golf, gave me the silent treatment and sulked at me. Its when he insisted on painting the fence posts a different colour to the fence that I knew I couldn't be with him anymore.

He's used a shoe lace as a belt as he couldn't be arsed to go and get a belt. I had enough of his lazy disgusting ways.

He showed me zero respect and talked to me like I was a child. He suffered terribly from depression so I put up with it for years thinking that I could pull him out of it with my positivity. When my DS started mimicking his father's grumpy, irascible behaviour and being rude to me, I knew that was it. No way I was going to allow my DS to grow up thinking it was ok to speak to me or any other person that way.

Never regretted it for even a minute and I have a wonderful, calm, happy partner now who is a lovely influence on my DS.

God mine sounds so small in comparison to others, but we'd been married 4 years (together 8) since I was 19. The 2 years prior to our split we had increasingly become more like friends, intimacy had pretty much gone, I become resentful towards him, he didn't really help out much around the house unless pushed to, we just grew into very different people despite everyone around us thinking we were the dream couple as we could have a laugh with each other.

However, I went away on a small break for a few days with my Mum abroad and during that time away he didn't ring or text me once to see how I was or if I had got there safe etc and to my surprise, I found myself not even caring he hadn't contacted me. I think I knew that our marriage was well & truly over then. I asked for a divorce the day after I got back. It was an amicable split and I've been with my dream man now for 5 years and never looked back!

Wow, I've read these with a mixture of sadness and anger. What utter shit bags your other halves were. Good riddance and well done for getting rid!!

That's really upsetting and disgusting behaviour. So glad you escaped.

I suspected he’d been having an affair - he’d treated me like dirt since our then two year old dd was born .. the final straw came when he came home from work on her second birthday and in front of dd and my other children told me he wished I was dead .. as I tried to get past him into the hall he blocked my way .. something snapped and I said “If you lay a finger on me I’ll call the police “ He followed me into the kitchen and sneered in my face and I realised he literally hated me . I got the children together and walked out , we’ve been divorced ten years and he was indeed having an affair and married her last year

After nearly 10 years of putting up with emotional, sexual and financial abuse one evening I was cooking tea and he went absolutely mental at me for putting a pan of water on the wrong hob ring, he started that argument because he didn't want me to go out for a meal with my work colleagues the next day. He said during the argument about the hob ring, 'if you go out tomorrow don't bother coming home' so I packed a bag, put it in the boot of the car and didn't go home ever again.