Did she say no? Or just answer my question logically?

[Jules981120]

I posted on here before but here's a quick summary / update.

I asked out the receptionist that I've made small talk with a few times. I found out she's a year younger than me, and I don't think she's in a relationship however she does have a ring on her finger and she did mention an ex. But she never explicitly said whether she was in a relationship or not when I mentioned the "wedding ring" on her finger.

I refered to it as a wedding ring to try and see if she was married or in a relationship or not but she just answered my question about the ring and her tattoos and never specified as to her relationship status.

Basically I asked her to lunch but I forgot that when I first walked into the building earlier in the day, she was already eating lunch. And she told me to come back an hour later when my patient would be ready to be seen.

I asked her to lunch and she said "I actually just had lunch, thank you though."

I then was like "oh okay" and I ended the conversation about next week and who would be coming into the building to see the patient I've been coming to see. And like literally within 60 seconds I was out the door after she said she already ate lunch

My question is, although I feel like this is her way of saying "Fuck no, id rather kill myself then go get lunch with you", I'm not sure if she wanted me to push and ask for her number or mention another date and time. Because she never mentioned another date nor time. But she's also at work and I'm not sure if she's just worried about getting in trouble or something with her boss if her boss finds out she agreed to go on a date with me.

I feel like it was just her way of saying "No thank you". I don't think I'll see her next week, which I told her, due to my schedule, but the following weeks I should be able to stop in and see her every once in awhile.

Would it be weird if the next time I see her, I give her a note tht says something along the lines of "Hey I wanted to ask you out, but didn't wanna get you in trouble with work or anything, so heres my number. Either way it's cool". She also mentioned how she gets off at 5:00pm, so if I happen to be in the area, I could just stop by and give her a note myself even if I don't have a patient in the building that day.

I was even thinking if what if next time I see her I "can't find my phone" and I asked her to call me so my phone can ring in my bag. And now I have her number. 😂💀

I know I'm being a smart-ass with that last one but is a note a bad idea?

I don't know if she was just caught off guard or anything since my generation, it's all through dating apps usually, but I don't know it is what it is I guess if anyone has any advice please let me know

Thank you guys

Thoughts?

She said no. She's not interested in eating lunch with you, or going out with you, or talking to you more than she has to in order to stay professionally polite. Leave her alone from now on.

What the fuck is this?! Sounds like she's given you the brush off.

I'm guessing you're a bloke in his 20s? Go and purchase The Game by Neil Strauss, read it, then purchase the Rules of The Game. It's perfect for situations in real life but isnt much use for on line dating.

Just ask her out like a normal person.

I think your very pretty and wanted to get to know you better. Are you single?

If yes ....Are you free Friday night for a drink and dinner?

If no.. that's a shame.

Don't write a letter.

No she didn’t say “fuck you, I’d rather kill myself” she politely and respectfully declined.
yes it would be weird if you gave her a note and probably make her feel uncomfortable. Rather than come up with ways to over analyse her every interaction and harass her, how about you just take the hint and leave it.

Do NOT write a note or you may get in trouble for harassment in the workplace if it turns out she's married and that no meant no.

I'd give her a swerve if I were you or at least spend another couple of months trying to work out if she's interested.

Slow down.

No notes.

Calm down.

I think she already said no but you weren’t listening. She would have suggested another date if she wanted to go out with you.

I remember your previous post which was about you apparently confusing being dumped with the dumper having bipolar disorder, and featured you saying that you didn’t like knowing someone still existed if you couldn’t have them. AND then leaving her a lengthy note explaining. After a handful of dates.

I think you’re right, this woman gave you a polite ‘no’. Leave it at that. No notes or hanging around her workplace at 5 pm.

@Jules981120 Your OP reads like the actions of a guy who has no game whatsoever with women. Dude, forget the notes, forget the romance. This isn't a 1980s US tv movie. Buy those 2 books I mentioned, study them intently and you'll have much more success in real life. You can thank me later. Kudos for trying though and not relying 100% on dating apps. It's nice to hear old school approaches are alive and well.

If she was interested she would have made it clear. 1 clue would have been telling you she was single when you mentioned the wedding ring. She didn't. DO NOT pursue her.

Holy carp, men are dumb.

Gosh, I just checked out your other threads (since you mentioned one) and really wished I hadn't.

You come across as worryingly full on. I mean in a super uncomfortable way.

I don't know what to advise now, therapy maybe?

But you'll never get into a meaningful relationship if you don't learn to calm down and be more mature, and less emotional.

@ShowerOfShites yeah now ive done the same and wished I hadnt. I stand by my original comment of what the actual fuck is this all about? This shit makes me glad I dont have any daughters.

She said no. No means no.

Based on your last thread (which I already remember) - you need to step back, you’re actually making yourself sound crazy right now with your behaviour all over again…

This is just too creepy.

And far too intense.

She is telling you ‘no’ and you are not listening.

You should.

I would interpret her responses as a “no”

if she wanted to go out with you, but had already had lunch, she would have said “oh much would be lovely, let’s do it tomorrow or next week”. But she didn’t. She is giving you a “no”.

dont write a note - it’s the kind of thing kids do at school. Also it’s evidence if she reported you to HR for making advances that she had previously indicated were unwelcome.

she could have clarified about the ring. She could have said she was single, she chose not to because she is brushing you off

overall, I believe you should back off, sorry

I agree to back off, she’s not giving any interested signals from the sound of it. Please do not take advice from any Neil Strauss books though, they’re really disrespectful to women.

I think if she'd just had lunch but wanted to go out with you she'd have said she just had lunch but she'd love a coffee (or similar) She didn't. Take the hint. Leave it

Oh ok I'll look for the audio books

Idk if I should explicitly ask her or not since she said she already have lunch, and I understand that as her saying she isn't interested at all

Yeah I agree. I'm just not sure if I should explicitly ask her out next time I see her, or just keep talking and having longer convos on my way out until she initiates something outside of work since she obviously knows I'm interested

I wanted to just ask her if she's single and if she'd wanna go on a date, but I didn't wanna get in her trouble, I asked about lunch. Definitely gonna look for those books

I wish girls would just say "Hey, I don't wanna be mean, but if you're asking me out, I'm not interested. I'm not attracted to you". Something like that would make things so much simpler lmfao