Did she say no? Or just answer my question logically?

[Jules981120]

I posted on here before but here's a quick summary / update.

I asked out the receptionist that I've made small talk with a few times. I found out she's a year younger than me, and I don't think she's in a relationship however she does have a ring on her finger and she did mention an ex. But she never explicitly said whether she was in a relationship or not when I mentioned the "wedding ring" on her finger.

I refered to it as a wedding ring to try and see if she was married or in a relationship or not but she just answered my question about the ring and her tattoos and never specified as to her relationship status.

Basically I asked her to lunch but I forgot that when I first walked into the building earlier in the day, she was already eating lunch. And she told me to come back an hour later when my patient would be ready to be seen.

I asked her to lunch and she said "I actually just had lunch, thank you though."

I then was like "oh okay" and I ended the conversation about next week and who would be coming into the building to see the patient I've been coming to see. And like literally within 60 seconds I was out the door after she said she already ate lunch

My question is, although I feel like this is her way of saying "Fuck no, id rather kill myself then go get lunch with you", I'm not sure if she wanted me to push and ask for her number or mention another date and time. Because she never mentioned another date nor time. But she's also at work and I'm not sure if she's just worried about getting in trouble or something with her boss if her boss finds out she agreed to go on a date with me.

I feel like it was just her way of saying "No thank you". I don't think I'll see her next week, which I told her, due to my schedule, but the following weeks I should be able to stop in and see her every once in awhile.

Would it be weird if the next time I see her, I give her a note tht says something along the lines of "Hey I wanted to ask you out, but didn't wanna get you in trouble with work or anything, so heres my number. Either way it's cool". She also mentioned how she gets off at 5:00pm, so if I happen to be in the area, I could just stop by and give her a note myself even if I don't have a patient in the building that day.

I was even thinking if what if next time I see her I "can't find my phone" and I asked her to call me so my phone can ring in my bag. And now I have her number. 😂💀

I know I'm being a smart-ass with that last one but is a note a bad idea?

I don't know if she was just caught off guard or anything since my generation, it's all through dating apps usually, but I don't know it is what it is I guess if anyone has any advice please let me know

Thank you guys

Thoughts?

Am I in the wrong if I just keep talking to her and getting to know her on my way out without asking her to lunch etc? And idk who that guy is, I havent heard of him lol

I have said exactly this and been on the receiving end of a barrage of abuse.

She's politely brushing you off. If she'd been interested she'd have said she was single, maybe asked whether you were, maybe even come for a coffee whilst you had lunch if she had already eaten. That's how an interested woman behaves.

She's not interested. She's a receptionist - it's her job to be welcoming, friendly and professional.
Don't be that person who won't take no for an answer

“Did she want me to push harder” was the red flag

no means no! How hard is it to understand?

Please don’t “drop by” over the next few weeks. You’re making a fool of yourself and she’s going to start dreading the sight of you

I don't wanna be so that's why I'm asking if I should even "try again" more explicitly. Am I wrong to just keep talking to her as I'm leaving? She obviously knows I'm interested and the ball is in her court if she ever changes her mind. I'm sorry you delt with abuse, I'm just very blunt and love it when people spell things out, and no one had to do mental gymnastics to piece things together

Are the books just ways to manipulate people? If so, I don't wanna read that tbh lol

Firstly, If you are a patient, it’s unprofessional for her to date you. She would have all kinds of data protection and privacy clauses in her contract of employment. She deals with vulnerable people all day and I suspect from your lack of insight that you might be one. Don’t put her in the uncomfortable position of having to refuse again.
If you happen to be a doctor or health professional, the disparity of power is enormous. You should know better. Don’t ask. Leave her alone.

OK, I'll spell it out.

She's not interested in dating you. She isn't going to change her mind. Leave her alone unless you want to be disciplined.

Keep any contact with her professional; brief and polite. Women do not like being harassed at work.

You are seeing patients and you asked the receptionist out? Seriously what is your profession because you have serious boundary issues and very poor judgement.

I'm a physio therapist assistant, I just go in whenever I'm assigned a patient at the building she works at

So I can't just talk to her at work? I'm obviously not gonna ask her out again, but is just talking to her on my way out a problem?

I might be generalizing, but this site is so harsh in comparison to American threads lmfaooo

No mental gymnastics are needed.

She hasn’t said yes. Or suggested a lunch or anything else.

So that means no.

NO.

I don’t think it can be said any more bluntly.

Most, if not all, have said pretty much the same thing here. And you aren’t listening to them either.

Creepy bastard territory.

Leave her alone! A polite good morning on arrival and good bye on departure is all that is needed.

Quite often, men dotage it well, so we stick with being polite.

If you asked her for lunch, she might have said no because she already had lunch. (That's probably what I would have done. I've definitely turned down a drink because I already had a drink, and later realised it probably wasn't literally about the drink ) She might also be thinking you're a bit unibservant not to have realised.

It might be because she was working and not due another break. She's on reception- that's often a role which doesn't have much flexibility around time, because the desk/phones have to be covered.

It might be because she's not interested.

The trouble is, if you were to keep asking, it would be harassment, if she chose to make a complaint. So you can't ask again, especially as she might have been saying no because she's not interested.

Just talk to her in reception and let it be no more than usual being nice to a colleague. If she is keen, you'd find out at some point, but I don't think she is.

She was just doing her job interacting with you and you put her on the spot asking her out.

If she wanted to take things further after declining your offer she probably would of suggested swapping numbers.

If you’re not careful you could be in danger of getting yourself a reputation as being unprofessional or worse a sexual harasser.

Yeah I agree, like "hey how are you" etc, and hopefully she changes her mind I guess after talking more. I don't she will but I agree with you. I don't think she's gonna report for harassment or anything, I didn't push after she said, I left the conversation about work for next week and we said bye

It depends what you want to talk to her about. Fine to say hello, how are you and fine to say goodbye on the way out but other than that I would leave things well alone. She is a receptionist so is naturally friendly and welcoming, I think you have misread the situation and it is unprofessional for you to be behaving in the way you have explained.

We really just talked about tattoos and her family, she started talking about them since her family all has tattoos. But besides that I agree with you honestly, I don't think she'll complain to her job or anything, I literally just asked her to lunch and that was it. I'm not gonna ask again unless she were to give me a undeniable signal or something

Of course be polite and say hello, etc. Don’t initiate small talk and risk making her uncomfortable. If she does, then great. Otherwise I would recommend doom scrolling on your phone.

She won't change her mind. Leave her alone.
I'm not sure if she wanted me to push and ask for her number or mention another date and time.

If you have to ask yourself whether a woman wants you to push whilst asking for her attention, the answer is probably no.

You could learn a lot here but I bet you don't.

Harsh, you seen nothing yet 😆

She is not interested. Leave her alone now.

I know 🤣 wait until more people are awake and then you'll see harsh methinks🤣

You need to stop asking personal or intrusive questions and take the hint.

You're wishing women would just say no thanks I'm not interested? Yeah. We wish we could just say that too but we know there's a risk to us if we do that. Not all men accept rejection well.