Describe the moment you left your narcissistic emotionally abusive partner

[Whereisthemoney]

Like how did it happen?

Was it months/years of planning and you left silently.

Or was it during an argument you just said that was it.

How did you say it?

I had 4 years of hell. 4 years of gaslighting, abuse, making me always feel everything was my fault. At the point of me ending it I couldn't be blamed for his misery anymore - he wanted to do more, and more was without me.... So that Sunday morning I decided no more, it was either me end it, or I end myself. I ended up in a mental hospital at one point. After he cheated just a few months in it fucked everything up....... it was never the same .... Since the break up I have been well over a grand in therapy because he fucked me up so badly ....

Why do you ask?

He left me when I told him I felt upset about some very cruel things he'd said to me. 5 weeks before our baby was born.

I planned it. For a couple months. Signed up for a flat. Ordered furniture to be delivered. Bought or packed some essentials and left them in my car. Then I told him that day that I was moving out.

I can't imagine how horribly he'd have behaved if I'd given him notice and continued living in the house until I could move out. I do believe he'd have killed me.

i had one foot out the door, emotionally, mentally i was already gone, i just needed something to finally pull the trigger.

We'd been together 16 years, i'd left once before 7 years prior and come back, told him if he pushed me to that point again, that would be IT.

We'd had a few months of the relationship completely dying, i didn't want him to touch me, he knew it, was ramping up the abuse, started to get more and more controlling and nasty.

We got into an argument over something i wanted to go to, that he didn't want me to, he started laying into me about my friends about how he hated them, accused me of sleeping with them (i wasn't) and i just.. snapped. Told him we were done.

I left the next day. never looked back. Best decision made in the heat of the moment ever.

I asked him why he treated me so badly, he relied because I can.

Mine was a mix. I had planned it but he always managed to throw another aspect of his disability at me making me feel I couldn't leave.

One evening, he went for me and 2 of my children with a knife.

We left that night.

After about 5 separate ultimatums on how horrendous he was to our early teens special needs son (had been since toddlerhood) he violently assaulted him in front of his twin and younger sister.

I'd already observed he was having an affair so felt right after dragging him off our weedy vulnerable boy to say 'Right that's it we're done. Off you pop'

Bizarrely having been together for 20 years it hadn't occurred to me that he was an emotionally abuse narcissistic bastard. Always just believed that he had fragile mental health which meant we all tiptoed around on eggshells constantly.

He's now with the OW has been since I dumped him 6 years ago and his anger madness levels are through the roof according to his three kids who he never bothers with.

The moment he left the kids told me they had prayed for that moment.
My biggest regret is not chucking him sooner or getting together with him aged 25 after I'd dumped him due to his madness two years before and made a success of my life.

But. If I hadn't had the kids with him or all the adventures we had together (many because he was so knee jerk and thrill seeking)

I saw him at a gig recently and my new amazing kind sane fiance said he looked like an overweight serial killer which is true.

Awful

I'm so glad you have a new, kind fiance

When he tried to kill me.

Gosh sounds.familiar. I can't stand for him to touch me. I don't know how he can expect me to want to get intimate with him when all he can say is horrible things to me :-(. Oh yes please let's have sex!!! Wtaf

Gosh so sorry this happened to you

Because I'm trying to work out what it would actually take to get me to leave. Like how do I get to that point

I am so sorry to hear this. I am getting to that point where I am feeling mentally unwell but still I can't leave. What is wrong with me

😡😡😡

I would love to do this but think it would be upsetting for the kids. Did you have children when you did it?

I just don't know how someone can act like this 😭

He did something that really upset me recently. He said he couldn't understand why I was upset. Then he said 'you'll get over it' a d went onto say 'I'll do it again and you'll get over it again'. Like how can someone care so little?

Gosh yes the mental health thing. I find myself giving him excuses due to his awful childhood but that is what they want isn't it. When they've done wrong they say oh it's because I was treated so badly. It's no excuse they need to stop the generational trauma.

I'm am too! I dream of having someone who actually shows me love.

Thanks @Whereisthemoney and @Unexpectedlysinglemum I feel incredibly lucky and do not take it for granted.

Thank you OP. It actually turned out to be a blessing in disguise as I'm now with a lovely partner! Silver linings and all 🤣💖

After years and years of gaslighting and manipulation, he was shouting at me for yet another one of my ‘fuck ups’ and something just switched in my head. I kept repeating over and over (in my head) not to listen to him and he was wrong and I actually completely blocked him out. That was when I fell out of love with him.

The next few years I didn’t know what to do so we carried on. We had a child etc.

The final straw was when he got in my face after an argument about me simply going for a drink the night before with a friend (which he knew all about and was fine with) this was in front of my son.

When I told him afterwards that he was out of order for trying to physically intimidate me, he said that it was actually me who was the aggressor. I told him then I was leaving and managed to move out a few months later

When I realized that he was enjoying what he was putting me through. He was grinning and the light bulb came on - I was in so much distress and he was gleeful about it. I ran away very soon after.

It might actually be something really small.

I ignored his cheating & lying then one day I caught him out in a really small lie and he spoke to me as if I was really simple. It was that that made me snap.

Dont leave it too long OP because the journey back to finding the ‘new you’ can be a long one. I was feeling so much relief! Yes he has gone. Then the low self esteem and learned negative emotions set in. ‘Did I make a mistake?’ ‘Was he that bad’

Your staying because your actually already co-dependant. It’s going to be a long road for you to unlearn those behaviours x