Boyfriend searching for massage parlours!!

[mollybbb]

Need some advice, I have been with my partner for 6 years and have recently had a baby who is currently 3 months old. Have felt as though out sex life has reduced a lot since we have had our son but I have been feeling like he hasn't been bothered about sex since having him and he didn't find me attractive anymore. So I went on his phone just to be sure there wasn't anyone else. I found on his search history that he had been searching for massage parlours in our area and for prostate massages near us. I feel comepletely confused I confront him and he said he searched it as he was curious. Just want to know what other people would do and how they would feel as I am unsure. He was also watching a lot of porn with "Thai lady boys" :/

Eeks...it doesn't look good

he said he searched it as he was curious

He would say that, they all do.

I'm sorry, OP.

I've never searched for massage parlours near me, because I have never been interested in going to one.

As a previous poster said, it doesn't look good.

How do you feel about what you have found?

I don't know I feel as though maybe it's because of me that he feels the need to do that. He's insisting that its not and that he promises he would never cheat on me and it's the "same as watching porn" but at the end of the day curious or not. Is it cheating? I'm on the fence

Why on earth should it be because of you? You’ve just given birth to his child and this vile man
( prostate massage ffs ) is showing you not one iota of respect or consideration.
So watching women being abused and exploited in porn is ok? That’s what he thinks of women and you, right there. Ugh. Dump.

Typing something like that into Google shows some kind of intent to use those services. If he was "just curious", surely he would google something more general like "what do people do in a massage parlour" lol.

The thing that makes it different is he searched in your area. Why didn't he search for massage parlours in Russia or Thailand? Because he doesn't live there presumably.

Is he saying that going to get a prostate massage is the same as watching porn?

Not that he'd actually DO anything, of course 🙄

Yeah he’s curious because he is interested in doing it! Why else? It’s different watching a documentary he saw pop up for example but looking at local parlour details is an obvious first step towards going there. I think he’s gaslighting you tbh and that’s why you seem so confused. Take a step back and ask yourself how you’d react if your friend or sister told you this happened with her partner?

And btw, this may not be an issue for you but are you comfortable with his sexual interest in Thai lady boys or were you already aware he may not be straight? Personally that wouldn’t be for me.

Prostrate massages and lady boy porn and lack of interst in sex with you - is he bi?or could he be gay?

100% trying to gaslight me, and convince me that the curiosity part is the same as watching porn. Definitely agree and need to take a step back to have a think if this is really what I want to deal with for the rest of me and my sons life. I was aware with the "fetish" or interest he had in ladyboys/shemales I discovered about a year ago that that was the type of porn he was into but didn't let it because a deal breaker but maybe the prostate massages may explain that he's not straight and maybe the sex has reduced because he doesn't want a female who knows

It looks like a duck amd walks like a duck...

He is lying to you and probably himself

Reading the title I thought ‘maybe he’s looking for a massage and a few dodgy ones came up as well as legit ones.

But no one looking for a sports massage accidentally stumbles upon lady boys giving prostate massages - and with his known fetish I’d agree if it walks like a duck he’s quacking out loud

He is lying to you. They all say they were curious when caught. My SIL found escorts numbers on her DH phone after he started acting strange. He was taking selfies of himself after getting out of the shower with just his towel wrapped around his waist. He had the numbers blocked on what's app. He denied everything as they do. Absolutely devastated my SIL because he just kept denying it and wouldn't discuss it. He said because SIL was on holidays with their kids that he felt lonely and not loved and only did contacted them for some attention. After some searching by SIL she managed to get a friend to go through the security cameras on their house. BIL was caught leaving the house and then returning a couple of hours later. She noticed from her messages with him on these occasions that he had text her to say he had fallen asleep and that's why he missed her calls texts. She then found a receipt for a fast food place in a known area for prostitutes and nowhere near their home. He still denied everything.

Unfortunately she is still with him, kids, no income of her own and God knows why else. It's broken her and she's a shell of herself. He is still swanning around like Johnny big balls pretending he is the best DH and Father to everybody. SIL actually does more for him now than ever before. I think she's afraid if she doesn't be the perfect wife he will do it again. It's very sad.

Ah, men.

Always searching for prostitutes and massage parlours. Out of curiosity. Sure

They're never searching for how to clean the toilet properly out of curiosity.

So you have a three month old baby and he is planning to cheat on you by using sex workers? Does it really matter what the sexual orientation of the sex worker is? To be honest I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with some one who used porn, let alone massage parlours.

You have a new baby. He should be supporting you. Not looking outside your relationship for sexual gratification with other people.

This has nothing to do with the timing of having a baby. He would have made these searches anyway, and to me it wouldn’t matter if he was searching for gay or straight porn or whatever kind of massage… I wouldn’t trust him at all. Sorry OP. If you decide to end things, surround yourself with family/friends and keep yourself busy. Find playgroups etc and enjoy your baby.

Hey lovely, I’m so sorry to hear and read the above. I hope you’re doing okay!! I can completely understand where your coming from and just know that your not alone in this situation. I’m sorry to say but he would most likely be going to rub and tug massage parlour’s especially since he looked it up in the area. I have similar experience with this with my partner of 3 years ( i have 3 children to a previous relationship and current partner has no children just for context) my kids currently live in wa with their dad - their choice. So we are pretty much always together apart form work doing fifo. I had suspicions a while ago my partner may be going behind my back so I decided to share his location with me. I know a lot will disagree with this but I had to do this as I have children already and as a 34 yo woman I do not want to waste my time with someone who compulsively lies and is doing dodgy stuff behind my back. Well it turns out he went to a massage parlour a few months back after seeing his location. He was in and out within 15 mins!! I confronted him, he denied of course but I know where he was. I ended the relationship with him because I was so distraught and completely shattered. Our sex was was incredible and we were facing some issues at the time with my ex and he was under a lot of stress( that was his reason once he admitted to it) it took me a few months to eventually take him back as he fought very hard for our relationship and I wanted to give him another opportunity to show the f* up for me and our relationship which he has. I truely believe because I left and showed my standards and boundaries it broke him. Whilest I’m still working through trust issues, over time it has gotten easier. He realised that he messed up and has made so many changes the lat 6 months and hasn’t been to a rub and tug since.

@Thesunisanorange And btw, this may not be an issue for you but are you comfortable with his sexual interest in Thai lady boys or were you already aware he may not be straight? Personally that wouldn’t be for me.

Sorry, have you seen a thai ladyboy? They are generally very small and stereotypically feminine. If that's what he's looking at, then he's not gay.

Bin.

They are men. If he wants sex with men (whatever their size and however they dress), he is gay or bi.

You're not attracted to other people based on categories. You're attracted to people based on how they look. If a man is attracted to someone who looks like a woman, that means they are straight.

No @shuggles that's not how it works. Smell is a much better indicator of who we find sexually attractive. Men smell like men.

I know some lovely butch women. I don't find them attractive because they aren't men.

If someone is looking for an effeminate man, they are still looking for a man.

Open your eyes 🙄
He's a wrong un

He's interested in their dick! Not how they look. Otherwise, he would be looking up female porn stars or prostitutes for that. Them being feminine looking just makes it easier for him to cross that boundary. Many men are coming out as bi every day, and I truly believe that if some got rid of the stigma in their heads, they would all try it and like it, as a hole is a hole. Do you know how many "married straight men" are "DISCREET" and looking to fuck men on gay hook up apps? They only want the sex part though, so most aren't gay but they are technically another form of bisexual. It's not because they are attracted to men. It's because they want a prostate orgasm and need a dick gor that, and the whole taboo-ness off it all keeps it exciting. Many men who started with trans women have ended up with other men on hook up apps also. These men are also bisexual because they want them sexually, even if they don't want men romantically. For me, these types of men have too much of an unstable libido to take a chance on them. Where woulf the line be drawn? The fact they cross that boundary so easily and then can still come home and look at the women they care for without crumbling, is amazing! These men are more than likely to only be in relationships with women because of the motherly roles they can do for them, and some just want an incubator and a sheild from stigma. These men fuck anything and most of them who have constant prostate orgasms can't cum so easily with women anymore as prostate orgasms are really strong. I wish more women would become aware of these men on gay apps and check them. Prostate orgasms are the new trend it seems. One man wrote on reddit 'its good to have men to play with, as women are getting harder to sleep with "

Looking sexually desperate, is a massive ick for me, and in no way makes me feel desirable no matter what they say, to excuse it. It's time to be selfish ladies. My gay friend showed me his apps, and I hear all about the escapades that go on. It makes me wonder if any man is really straight or if they are just too scared to get caught? I don't know where the line is or what this means for the future of dating. Is it just the many that's ruined it for the few here? There are way too many curious ones, even on reddit, to try and say it's a small niche amount. If anyone mentions fluidity or kinsey scales, one more time, I swear I'll be sticking my head in an oven. Why is it so sexually off putting for most of us girls, also? I watch gay porn but I can't have a man who wants sex a certain way, which I can't give to him.

Sorry rant over.