Boyfriend searching for massage parlours!!

[mollybbb]

Need some advice, I have been with my partner for 6 years and have recently had a baby who is currently 3 months old. Have felt as though out sex life has reduced a lot since we have had our son but I have been feeling like he hasn't been bothered about sex since having him and he didn't find me attractive anymore. So I went on his phone just to be sure there wasn't anyone else. I found on his search history that he had been searching for massage parlours in our area and for prostate massages near us. I feel comepletely confused I confront him and he said he searched it as he was curious. Just want to know what other people would do and how they would feel as I am unsure. He was also watching a lot of porn with "Thai lady boys" :/

Tell him to leave he's weird as fuck he is also lying and a cheat if he's been for one of these massages to me that's cheating.
Also is he really gay if he wants things up his bum.

Check his location history on his phone from google maps. My phone tracks everywhere I go. Maybe his will too and you will know for sure then if he visited the massage parlour.

?????

Yuck.
I would find his behaviour totally off putting sexually and like to break up.
He is not considerate of you.

@MrsTerryPratchett No that's not how it works. Smell is a much better indicator of who we find sexually attractive. Men smell like men.

And yet, we feel sexual attraction for people we see in photographs and videos. You know, people we can't actually smell.

I know some lovely butch women. I don't find them attractive because they aren't men.

That's because butch women do not look anything like men.

It's OK to be bi, BTW. I don't know why you're arguing so strenuously for bi men to be straight.

Looks nothing like a man.

If a man is attracted to someone that looks like a woman but has a cock i.e a man, then they are gay/bi. Straight men don't fancy other men just because they look effeminate just as straight women don't fancy other women just because they look masculine.

@XiCi If a man is attracted to someone that looks like a woman but has a cock i.e a man, then they are gay/bi.

Attraction isn't based on genitalia. This should be self-evident because obviously we feel attracted to people without having seen their genitalia.

Straight men don't fancy other men just because they look effeminate just as straight women don't fancy other women just because they look masculine.

Effeminate men don't look anything like women.
Masculine women don't look anything like men.
There are many Thai ladyboys that do look like women.

@shuggles

Attraction isn't based on genitalia. This should be self-evident because obviously we feel attracted to people without having seen their genitalia.

But if someone is proactively seeking out a 'Thai ladyboy' which is the example you were discussing, then they are proactively seeking out someone with a penis. I'm unsure as to how you can think a man proactively seeking out someone with feminine features who has a penis is heterosexual?

Exactly. This man knows that ladyboys have male genitalia as he's searching for them on porn sites. shuggles arguments are just ridiculous and not sure what their motivation is

the male and female -ness of someone is not just about there genitalia! That’s such an objectifying argument! Someone’s maleness is in their smell, their pheromones, their stance, body ratios, bone structure…so much of our attraction process is completely unconscious.
if it was just on genitalia, what would that mean for people who have experienced injury or mutilation? Are they no longer viable to be attractive?

Where has anyone said that it's only about genitalia? Love the sock puppeting though 😂

This is bonkers. That’s not how sexual orientation works 😂

Ok so, I know 99% of MN’ers will disagree with this post but it’s just my opinion….

You only had your baby three months ago. If this was a man moaning that he wasn’t getting much sex so soon after his OH had a baby , he’d get absolutely destroyed, and this is confirmed with multiple similar posts in the last month or two. He is probably aware that it takes time for a woman’s libido to increase so I wouldn’t be taking this personally. have you actually broached this subject with him?

The porn - let’s not go into whether watching porn is or isn’t acceptable in a relationship but focus on the type of porn.

i am of the opinion that there are two very different types of ladyboy / trans porn. If it’s a ladyboy that is having sex with a man, then that to me shows gay or at least bi tendencies. If it’s a ladyboy having sex with a woman then I don’t see much difference to it being heterosexual porn. In fact, it is similar in some respects to lesbian porn with a strap on- if he was watching that then no one would accuse a man into lesbian porn being gay….or vice versa - a woman into lesbian porn would never be seen as gay or bi.

I have never heard of a massage parlour that does prostrate massages but a quick google actually shows a number of health benefits. I don’t know of any ‘sexually orientated ‘ massage parlours anywhere near me but I have had a number of massages when I feel tired and run down and they are only massages, mostly done by men. ( this also does not mean I am gay…)

also, if he wanted sexual gratification from someone else, a massage parlour is not anyone’s first choice or thought….there are many more options that would meet that need if he really wanted it.

Finally, I have ‘researched ‘ escorts and such like- I would never use one but I was genuinely watching secret diary of a call girl a few months ago ( such a good series! ) and was honestly just curious. I know it’s not often there is an honest explanation but it does happen.

However, my biggest issue would be why you snooped on his phone. This would be a near deal breaker for me and shows a complete lack of trust and in your situation it would only be because of the baby that I would contemplate staying.

Oh my.

You have managed to excuse all the man’s behaviour, and the biggest issue for you - the deal breaker is that she lookedat his phone?

<face palm>

@whathaveiforgotten But if someone is proactively seeking out a 'Thai ladyboy' which is the example you were discussing, then they are proactively seeking out someone with a penis. I'm unsure as to how you can think a man proactively seeking out someone with feminine features who has a penis is heterosexual?

Because many heterosexual men, whether or not they like to admit it, like to see penises in pornography. Hence why they can get aroused by seeing people who look like women that have penises.

One of the most common searches in porn sites is for big dicks. Who do you think is typing big dicks into the search bar? I'll give you a hint- it's not women.

What on earth are you talking about? Sexual attraction is primarily based on how people look. You decide whether or not people are attractive by looking at them.

It isn't easy being single but it's better than being with him. One day you'll have no choice.

Read the post again. I have not excused his behaviour, I am giving options as to why it might not be as bad as it looks.

’man wants sex soon after childbirth ‘ - he’s a digesting sex pest. ‘Man backs off sex soon after childbirth - he’s cheating , doesn’t fancy you or has a porn addiction. This is the MN way of thinking.

man watches feminine ( assuming it was ) ladyboy porn with a woman. Tell me, what’s the difference between this and heterosexual porn? It’s still a penis in a vagina? Only difference is they look like (normally pretty) woman and have boobs- and this as well doesn’t make it ‘gay porn’

The massage parlours is trickier to argue against, but as I have said, I have googled escorts, I have googled how long it would take to fly to the moon and I have googled many other things out of curiosity that I have no intention on doing.

The phone - you can not argue this shows a complete lack of trust and there must be underlying issues outside of the points already mentioned.

Are you for real? 😂😂😂 What drivel.

He's literally looking for Lady Boys. Men with dicks who present as woman.
Not women. Men.

And OP, if you still don’t believe him about the massage parlours, ask to see his bank statements. Find out when he last searched for them and see if there are any credit/debit card transactions or cash taken out.

i have paid £60 I think for an hours massage at a couple of different places.

oh, and another point to make clear - you do realise how contradictory responses for the lady boy porn is and visiting a massage parlour is right?

lady boy porn = gay
massage parlour / prostate massage = cheating

……