Boyfriend searching for massage parlours!!

[mollybbb]

Need some advice, I have been with my partner for 6 years and have recently had a baby who is currently 3 months old. Have felt as though out sex life has reduced a lot since we have had our son but I have been feeling like he hasn't been bothered about sex since having him and he didn't find me attractive anymore. So I went on his phone just to be sure there wasn't anyone else. I found on his search history that he had been searching for massage parlours in our area and for prostate massages near us. I feel comepletely confused I confront him and he said he searched it as he was curious. Just want to know what other people would do and how they would feel as I am unsure. He was also watching a lot of porn with "Thai lady boys" :/

Explain why it’s drivel?

You have excused it. And now you’ve explained your excuses again.

I’m hazarding a guess that you’re a man?

Because it's victim blaming, cheat-excusing bullshit.

That's why it's drivel.

Yes, I’m a man.

again, I am giving reasons why it might not be as bad as it sounds.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but don’t start an argument where potentially valid explanations have been given. The trans porn is an easy one to validate IMO, as is the lack of sex to some degree. The massage possibly a little trickier to explain .

There was a thread here a few weeks ago where the man was feeling very unloved as his wife was not wanting to be intimate 6 months after giving birth. He was absolutely annihilated. Yet, when it’s reversed it’s completely different!

I have occasionally watched trans porn. But man / woman - I can assure you I have no gay tendencies what so ever. If a man is watching hetro porn, does this make him gay because he can see a penis??

I have had a genuine massage on more than one occasion and I can assure you it was ONLY a massage.

And if my wife ever looked at my phone without my knowledge or consent, I would be furious as she would be as well if it was reversed. If spouses can’t trust each other then the relationship is doomed no matter what else goes on in between.

@Stargazer00

Sure. You’re just repeating yourself now.

hopefully I’ve got my point across now then.

Finally, I have ‘researched ‘ escorts and such like- I would never use one but I was genuinely watching secret diary of a call girl a few months ago ( such a good series! ) and was honestly just curious. I know it’s not often there is an honest explanation but it does happen.

Piss on my leg and tell me it's raining. Come here and defend the idiot, "bros before hoes" right?

It's nonsense. And maybe when 'researching' sex work, read some studies. You don't need the pictures and the real women being abused to get information. You do need it for titillation.

For titillation??!!! There’s porn for that.

What you are also implying is that on SDOACG , men would be ‘pleasuring themselves’ when BP is in her lingerie/having sex/having her breasts exposed….

Your argument is weak. Sorry.

@Stargazer00 we all know who you are. Up to and including 'your argument is weak'. I'm not playing chess with pigeons any more but we see you.

You all know how I am? I highly doubt that.

Of course the majority on MN will be on the woman’s side, and that’s ok, but There is often two sides to every story.

I’ve already given helpful advice about the easiest way to establish if he actually visited the massage parlour - but everyone seems to have ignored this valid point.

The crucks of it are, ( from a mum’s better POV ) :

he watches trans porn so he’s gay ( I don’t agree with this ) AND he goes to massage parlours for a happy ending.

Do you not see how this doesn’t make any sense?

There isn't just women that can work at massage parlours you know.
Maybe you need to do a little more 'research'.
Although I highly doubt that. 🙄

You also supposed as to the content of the porn which OP never said to back up your prostitute using argument...of course though, you're not speaking from experience.

I’m fully aware that there are men at massage parlours. If you’re-read my posts you will note I’ve had multiple massages, usually by men. Does that make me gay? However, for the most part, most on here have assumed it was a ‘special
massage ‘ with extras and therefore it must have been a woman. Maybe even a trans Thai , who knows….😜

Again, re-read my original post. I explicitly stated that there are, IMO , two types of Trans porn.

It is everyone else on here who has assumed it must be trans and man and therefore he must have gay tendencies.

@alwaysontheloo There isn't just women that can work at massage parlours you know.

Massage places in towns and cities which offer extras are universally staffed by women.

The reason for this should be obvious; if random men walk in off the street for a massage with extras, they're always going to be heterosexual men expecting a woman to do the massage, and they won't be happy if they are presented with a man.

@Stargazer00 *crux. And gold star for derailing the thread.

I hope you are ok op. It's a lot to digest. Take your time. Consider your options. And always trust your gut. Xx

'I was aware with the "fetish" or interest he had in ladyboys/shemales I discovered about a year ago that that was the type of porn he was into '

You have had a baby with a man that is most likely bisexual or gay. Sadly, your female
Physique is never going to do it with him and he will always be looking to find a way to get with a ladyboy/shemale and you are just a respectable cover to present to his family and friends.

Get rid of him.

I don't know if you're gay.. Did you purposely seek out a man at a massage parlour to massage you? Are you trying to work it out for yourself on this thread?

Yes you did. And then you continued to assume it was the alternative. OP never said which and you don't know either. You're projecting again.

No they aren't actually. Showing more of your ignorance again, there are places where men work from too. Or where do you think rent boys work?

If women are being advised to ditch every man who has a weird, bizarre, or unconvential fetish, then they will be left with an extremely small pool of potential partners.

Sorry, my ignorance? Who or what made you the expert on massage places?

Men who offer massages with extras typically work alone and advertise their services on Gumtree. That way, the massage therapist knows he will be contacted by men who want the service, because they will have searched for a male massage therapist in the first place.

When we're talking about Thai or Chinese massage parlours in commercial premises, those are universally staffed by women.

Why don't you think about this logically?

• The massage place doesn't recruit any men because they know all of the men walking in off the street are looking for women.
• Men choose not to work at the place because they know all of the men walking in off the street are looking for women.
• Gay men don't go to these places because they know all of the staff are women.

It is somewhat bemusing that you think massage parlours offering extras are mixed-gender. When it comes to sex work, nothing is mixed gender.

Lad isn't getting any at home so he's gone down a Google worm hole. It happens.

All blokes like a pokey bum wank don't they.... doesn't make em batty.

First of all, it's not you!!

Plenty of husbands manage to get through post-birth/less less sex phases without resorting to other sexual "pursuits".

I'm sure he could give you all kinds of gas-lighty justifications and excuses, but none of these will mean much of anything because the bottom line is that if this makes you feel icky, grossed out, or uncomfortable, that is a complete reason to question if this is a relationship you can realistically continue with.

You might just be incompatible in terms of what kind of sexual promiscuity/behaviours you are each comfortable with, within your relationship. You will have decide if you are happy to have a relationship with someone who engages in these behaviours, or if you are not.

The second issue is that he has also been deceptive, because he knows you wouldn't like it. So that is a separate issue you will need to consider. Are you comfortable building your life with someone who is comfortable being dishonest with you?

Checking someone's phone isn't ideal, but if you have a feeling something is going on, and it turns out it was going on, I'd say the decision to check his phone was justfied and the "lack of trust" is a non-issue compared to when trust has been broken. (Unless there was a specific agreement between you that you are each allowed to engage in porn and massages without informing the other.)

The implicit understanding in relationships would be to assume disclosure should be made about any sexual interests that might affect or upset your partner, and one should respect their partner enough to allow them to choose if they are comfortable with that or not.

My god, I did not assumed, I stated there were two different types No, the OP has not stated which type it was but 90% on here are implying it’s trans and man. See post above ( quoted below )

most on hear have clearly not watched trans porn; and understandably why. But that creates even more ignorance. Look at @Amarige post above,

theybhave Feminine bodies, not masculine bodies, they take hormones which block testosterone and most of them look like actual Thai woman from the waist up. From the waist down it is nearly always the same as heterosexual porn. That is, there is a very limited number of trans fucking a man.

as OP has gone quiet, this is all very speculative, if she returns we can maybe establish what type of trans porn it was and see if she has found any proof of her OH visiting the massage parlours. Then maybe we can all have a more productive argument.

oh, and i’m not gay, not that should have any bearing on this thread. No, I had no preference although I’d probably prefer a woman massaging me over a man. Twice it was a woman and another was a man although that was a more specialised sports massage which is pretty standard.

Someone sensible, finally!

Well, I just ‘researched’ prostate massage due to this thread as I had never ever heard of it. Interestingly, a professional prostate massage is done with what I can only describe is a male vibrator sex toy inserted a short way into the anus. Not sure how this is different from me searching for a pocket rocket 🚀 or other masturbation aid.

On massage parlours depends what sort. Some are fronts for sex work and others are genuinely for massage. I don’t think searching the ones near me on Google means he definitely be looking for one over the other.

On porn watching, you’ve been ok with it in the past so seems odd to object now like it is cheating. The type being ‘lady boys’ fine perhaps your boyfriend is bisexual? That’s not a big deal surely? Bisexual people are capable of being faithful on a hetero-relationship. They’re not nymphos who have to have one of each sex on the go all the time.

I don’t think any of this is a smoking gun proving gay or cheating. I guess I would keep tabs on things and keep communication open.

If women are being advised to ditch every man who has a weird, bizarre, or unconvential fetish, then they will be left with an extremely small pool of potential partners.

Men should have a think about this. Kink? Whatever. But many men have full-on, unhealthy, obsessive, deeply fucking unpleasant fetishes. Women typically don't.

That extremely small pool is golden. I'd rather be single than swim in the polluted waters of male fetish, thanks. Maybe if women insisted on a vaguely healthy psyche in men, those weird fuckers would seek some sex therapy and start having reciprocal sexual relationships instead of playing out their fetishes on women.