Split with DH recently. Help!

[CarterOL]

Hi I was hoping for some sound advice?

I split with DH of 8 years 11 days ango and I’m not sure if I made the right decision. It is driving me crazy and I can’t stop crying when I’m alone.

We have been having difficulty for a year. He was diagnosed with a health condition due to an accident at work which really made him low, put on weight and the like. His mother had died a 3 years ago which he ever got over. He would get depressed easy and had a terrible outlook on life. Sometimes he would be happy, other times sad.

I myself have recently been diagnosed with endometriosis and have been finding my love of life has vanished. I’ve lost all sex drive, and stopped being overly sexual with him. It’s very hard when I’m in constant pain. He tried his best to be understanding but I knew I was letting him down.

So naturally for the last year or so we bickered. We had big fights, small fights. Never violence, he never once hurt me nor I him.

11 days ago we had another fight. He said something stupid, I got sad. He snapped, I snapped. He left the house to calm down and then when he came back tried to apologise. Now my sister had come to see me randomly and was there. She told me to get rid of him because he was making me unhappy.

DH came home. I told him it was over. He got his things and I let him leave. He messaged me a lot at first that he loved me, he was sorry, he wanted to try talking and coming back but I didn’t let him. I ignored his cries and let him sleep on the street in the rain. It got to a point he wanted to kill himself but made no actual attempt.

He has been living rough for nearly the entire time, but I haven’t let him back into the home despite. We have a mortgage together and he could come asking but as yet he has not. He is trying to protect DD but has stopped paying some bills.

I’m scared I made the wrong decision. Because I was unhappy with how he made me feel but I never sat down and discussed this with him. People keep saying either if you are not happy it’s right but also he was a good man and I never just talked to him about thing. We just bickered over small thing that would escalate into bigger fights.

I know he would take me back but I let him sleep outside. Could it ever be normal between us? My family keep telling me to be alone and I don’t want to go against them.

But he is the father to my DD and I miss him so.

What should I do?

This definitely can’t be real?! You also risk losing your daughter if she ever finds out about this.

So you have gone from saying he shouldn’t have any right over your shared home, because he left when you told him to.

To your family saying they will get legal advice so he can’t have any rights to your shared home. Which is impossible.

To ‘I want to help him but don’t know how’.

Give it a rest 🙄

I think the OP is hoping her husband will just quietly disappear, never see their daughter again and leave them in the house.

It is real. I found life absolutely exhausting putting up with the constant bickering and negativity. He would moan about things all the time. He was so miserable. I was miserable too. I found my health problems tricky to navigate mentally.

I did just put some feelers out to see if I could find anything out. He spent a night with a friend I assume, somebody I hadn’t heard of.

if needs a place desperately he can live in a shelter, or contact the council they will find him a place

But he never once tried to come back! He was out there on his own yes but he never knocked the door and asked to be let in. He just stayed away. He did message and say sorry and ask but I told him to stay away because it wouldn’t be healthy.

if needs a place desperately he can live in a shelter, or contact the council they will find him a place

No the council won't – he already has a house! Plus, a shelter?! The father of your child?! You really are something. Your parents must be so proud.

You are really, really naive if you think you can prevent him from reclaiming his home.

He has a legal right to be in a house that he owns jointly. He shouldn't have to 'ask' and yet you seem to think that you're off the hook because he didn't ask. This is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever read on here. It doesn't matter who is 'at fault' - you both argued. That doesn't put you in charge of his access to the house. Do the right thing. You don't have to get back with him - plenty of people break up - but you won't have any respect left for yourself if you continue like this.

The man has a house! He doesn't need a shelter. You need to get it out of your head that the house is more yours than it is his. I'm guessing he hasn't forced the issue because he cares about his daughter and doesn't want to expose her to a toxic showdown with you. Or the man has had a complete mental breakdown and doesn't know what way is up. Either way, you're not in the right. You're just "lucky" that he isn't pushing back.

He owns a house, the council absolutely won’t house him. You seem to be of the opinion that you can have the house because you want it… it doesn’t work like that. No legal advice in the world will enable you to keep his share of the house.

OP, you are as able to use the internet as anyone else. You must know that your husband has an equal right to the house he owns with you. You must know that when you divorce the starting point for all assets is 50% each. That he has a right to be housed decently so that when his daughter is with him, she is housed.
Do you really think that the Council will house anyone who has a row with their partner when they already own a house?
You do not sound like a nice person. You should feel ashamed of your behaviour

OP, Did you go to school? Do you have a job? Your ideas are so out of touch with reality in a way that is almost unbelievable.
It can't be healthy or right for your daughter to live in a household which is so controlling. I hope she tells staff at her school how her mother has behaved.

He hasn't done anything that means he deserves to be left homeless. What you've done to him is horrendous. If I ever found out one of my parents had done this to the other I wouldn't ever speak to them again. You dont love him, if you did you wouldn't let him be homeless when he hasn't abused you. I expect you've either driven him to a breakdown or he's so beaten down he has nothing left to stand up to you. I can't fathom how you can think it's ok to do what you've done.

He did message and say sorry and ask but I told him to stay away because it wouldn’t be healthy.

what. the. actual. fuck

so he didn't try to come back but he did msg begging to come back and you told him to fuck off

that logic only works if you are a narcissistic psychopath

If only its that easy! Like i say i work with the homeless and have a first hand experience of this. You are heartless and selfish. I hope your child gets the truth one day and disowns you. I do hope he finds the fight inside him and gets advice and turns up back at the house ready to divorce you.

But he never once tried to come back! He was out there on his own yes but he never knocked the door and asked to be let in. He just stayed away. He did message and say sorry and ask but I told him to stay away because it wouldn’t be healthy.

How many times….hes depressed and needs help!

im stepping away from this now as op is a clown. You cant help some people. Good luck op, i hope he throws a metaphorical bomb into your life and you get what you deserve 👋

in other news I set fire to my brother earlier because he took my cheese

and I feel really so terrible

there is a bucket of water next to me but my mum said to me she will disown me if I touch it

I feel so bad for my brother, but I really don't know how to resolve it. please advice

ps I am definitely not unhinged because my brother can just call the fire service and ambulance and sort himself out

Him taking your cheese made you feel low. Let him burn - you are the victim here.

@CarterOL tbh if I was your husband I'd be glad to be rid of you. The opinion of your family clearly matter more to you than anything. Your a grown adult, it's not normal to make life choices based on your family opinion

How disgusting to make him sleep on the streets,if he has any sense he will never want you back,appalling to say the very least!

You are choosing to crush your daughter.

You are choosing your family over YOUR DAUGHTER.

Remember that.

The council will find him a place???? No they fucking won’t. You are so delusional it’s untrue. He has a house with you princess which I’m sorry you won’t like but he’s owed half. Either sell the house or give him money. You can’t keep it and throw him out because he’s depressed. Honestly the words I have for you I can’t repeat on here. You and your family need to rot in hell the way you’re all victim blaming. The only abusers are your family and it’s sickening.

I haven’t told my daughter he is homeless as yet. I haven’t mentioned this to her at all. I’ve just said we can’t be together anymore. But until he sorts his mental state out I refuse to let him see her. It wouldn’t be right for her.

He didn't put you out, you put him out with a chronic illness hence everyone's worry for him and not you? Your still going on about how your family wouldn't let you, it's embarrassing, you are an adult ? You won't get anywhere in life if you keep living by what your family say. Absurd

If he gets half the house I can’t bring up my DD correctly. I haven’t got the money to pay him off or up my repayments! I simply couldn’t live and would have to sell? How does that help?

For all I know he’s at a friends house or his brothers! So he would be safe then. I don’t know either way but I would assume so!