Split with DH recently. Help!

[CarterOL]

Hi I was hoping for some sound advice?

I split with DH of 8 years 11 days ango and I’m not sure if I made the right decision. It is driving me crazy and I can’t stop crying when I’m alone.

We have been having difficulty for a year. He was diagnosed with a health condition due to an accident at work which really made him low, put on weight and the like. His mother had died a 3 years ago which he ever got over. He would get depressed easy and had a terrible outlook on life. Sometimes he would be happy, other times sad.

I myself have recently been diagnosed with endometriosis and have been finding my love of life has vanished. I’ve lost all sex drive, and stopped being overly sexual with him. It’s very hard when I’m in constant pain. He tried his best to be understanding but I knew I was letting him down.

So naturally for the last year or so we bickered. We had big fights, small fights. Never violence, he never once hurt me nor I him.

11 days ago we had another fight. He said something stupid, I got sad. He snapped, I snapped. He left the house to calm down and then when he came back tried to apologise. Now my sister had come to see me randomly and was there. She told me to get rid of him because he was making me unhappy.

DH came home. I told him it was over. He got his things and I let him leave. He messaged me a lot at first that he loved me, he was sorry, he wanted to try talking and coming back but I didn’t let him. I ignored his cries and let him sleep on the street in the rain. It got to a point he wanted to kill himself but made no actual attempt.

He has been living rough for nearly the entire time, but I haven’t let him back into the home despite. We have a mortgage together and he could come asking but as yet he has not. He is trying to protect DD but has stopped paying some bills.

I’m scared I made the wrong decision. Because I was unhappy with how he made me feel but I never sat down and discussed this with him. People keep saying either if you are not happy it’s right but also he was a good man and I never just talked to him about thing. We just bickered over small thing that would escalate into bigger fights.

I know he would take me back but I let him sleep outside. Could it ever be normal between us? My family keep telling me to be alone and I don’t want to go against them.

But he is the father to my DD and I miss him so.

What should I do?

I honestly think this is some plot for a armature dramatics group, budding author, script for a judge Judy episode. It's ridiculous, boring and the amount of self centred nonsense from the op is laughable. I I I, me me me. Give it a rest and watch some TV or read a book.

This helps how? I’ve already said I made a huge mistake by allowing a sick man to live on the street without medication. I already said that what my solicitor has said is clearly a bit shaky and not quite what I would have wanted.

my DH is scared and alone out there in this weather and yes, it’s my fault ok? It’s “me” that did this, forced him out of our home, made my DD upset and likely made his mental health even worse.

i am trying to rectify this mess that “I” have created some how.

Thank you for taking ownership OP.

Have you rang the police yet to report him missing? If not, that's the next step now.

I wasn’t going to comment but have read the thread.

Early on you came across as abusive, denying your husband the right to enter the home. Someone said it would be difficult the genders were reversed. IIRC there was a thread recently where a man locked his partner out overnight and she was rightly told it was abuse and to end the relationship.

With your updates I wondered if you were very vulnerable and unable to support yourself.

Now I think you are incredibly weak and emotionally manipulative. You expect your parents to sort out your problems and your husband to make you happy. You take no accountability for your own actions or decisions.

I suspect your family are toxic but you can hold down a professional job but are childlike in your social relationships.

Maybe you are a callous, emotionally stunted person with serious personality disorders, I don’t know.

I do know that if you have any ounce of humanity or empathy you must check your husband is ok. Driving around and asking friends is not enough.

You need to establish he is alright and report him as missing. If you do not have serious personality disorders how can you not have so little compassion for someone you claim to care about?

After 23 pages of people trying to reason with you, you've 'finally' seen the light after getting a fair share of attention. 2 pages in I'd be realising my mistake and trying to rectify it. I hope you do manage to sort something out either way but I'd be very surprised.

I agree, op says shes taking action but it sounds half hearted tbh. Not really bothered and has changed tact to suit the masses. Im wondering if this is a troll. I find it hard to believe what is being said

I will admit I have changed a lot of my stance due to how many people are saying the same thing, and that maybe i am stuck in an echo chamber. I just have to be careful how I continue as there are a lot of factors at play and I don’t want anybody else to be hurt.

Wow. So much has changed in a few hours. I think realising you won't get every penny has really shifted you view.

Money? I actually don’t care for money. My family are wealthy enough to cover my costs if I am in trouble.

Really. There are pages about why you should keep the house and why he shouldn't be entitled to I his 50%

This is completely delusional. You just posted he doesn't deserve anything and he should get nothing. I'm seriously worried for your DD now as well as your DH. This isn't normal OP.

That sadly hasn’t got anything to do with needing money or being desperate. That is just my share.

Seeing as you have a great relationship with your family, why can't you go there with dd and let dh come home. Or let him and dd stay there while you live with your parents until you get another place to live??
Regardless of what's going on you can't put him on the street to sleep rough. That's just cruel. You have a safe place to go to, he doesn't. It makes more sense (and compassion)
Sorry you're feeling how you are about the relationship op but you cannot make him homeless when he's entitled to half the home. Plus how is he supposed to have access to his daughter if he's sleeping rough?? I really don't mean to sound rude op but honestly, I think it was a really bad move on your part. If YOU weren't happy in the relationship and he wasn't violent or a danger, then he should have stayed or YOU should have packed up and left seeing as YOU decided to call it quits. Its fair in my opinion
And this is coming from a woman going through early separation from my husband too who was cheating!

No your share is 50% and his share is 50%. You don't get to keep it all. I think that realisation might be the reason for your change of tune.

The fact you say your family are wealthy enough to pick up the costs is interesting.

As an adult I like to stand on my own two feet but know a wealthy family is a safety net.

I’m not sure if your family are toxic and controlling or you are the over-indulged spoilt child who expects everyone else to make you happy and sort it out when you fail to adult and it all goes wrong.

Either way I suspect your husband, whether perfect or not, isn’t the villain of the piece and is far more in need of support and compassion than you.

Tough luck OP. You reap what you sow .
get your lovely family to
support you .

That man has a house, a home I hope he gets some strength and returns .
why don’t you go live with your lovely sister and your husbands daughter can live with him in their home.

my family don’t let me stay there if I help him.

The only way OP could keep him out is she told the solicitor he was violent or abusive .

i think we all know where this is going so she gets to keep the house

You don't see the contradiction in saying you don't care about money and then plotting to steal the 50% of joint assets that belong to your husband.? You've taken absolutely nothing onboard and are still conniving to destroy his life. At least be honest about what you're doing.

More lies.

It’s not a lie. I don’t want to live off hand me downs and parents paying for everything. There is a big difference between paying for the odd thing but never being able to keep a roof over our head.

Op if you're like this over the house... what are you going to be like about poor dd???? I have a feeling that little girl will be alienated from her father by you and your family which is appalling if yous do! He shouts, big deal, we all do and I absolutely see why you don't want your daughter witnessing any of it, but make him homeless is unbelievable. And if you can do that, I've no doubt he'll have a fight on his hands to see his on flesh and blood. Disgusting.
If you were here saying he made you homeless and on the streets we'd all be in YOUR favour. You are playing a victim here!
I haven't read anywhere where anyone said they weren't agreeing with you for ending things, it's the aftermath that unfolded afterwards is what everyone is raging about. It's so wrong. I don't blame the man for talking about suicide you've probably drove him to the brink now. Took away his home and his family when he's already living a shitty existence. WOW you can't do that to a person you love op.
I hope karma comes knocking!

What???
You aren't "helping" him. You are being a decent human being and taking your husband off the streets back to a place that is equally his!!

I'm absolutely furious with your post and your responses make it worse@CarterOL

You're family sound like assholes OR YOUVE played victim and told them all the woes in your marriage and they have turned against him because of your poison. I bet you don't have much good to report to them, it's all poor me! So obviously they've took your side and want to protect you.
Yous all sound incredibly dangerous people. TOXIC TOXIC TOXIC
Poor exh I hope sees you done him a favour by ending the relationship. Bet you'll be raging when there's a new gf on the go with him.

I don't think I've ever read anything quite so bad on this site. That poor poor man absolutely heartbroken for him and I hope he's ok.
What will you do when your daughter becomes a teen and shouts at you? Will you throw her out too?

I haven’t heard anything, or found anything. The police soon want to know was he is not actually at danger to me or himself due in part to being seen about the place.

yes I have caused this situation but I am trying to help where i can now but it’s difficult. My solicitor emailed me this morning to ask for a meeting on next steps, my parents want to put something legal in place to stop him coming home.

I don’t know what I’m doing it’s just a mess.