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Original poster

Argh just had a blazing argument, feel shit

151 replies

MaltipooMama · 02/06/2024 14:49

So my partner and I have a 6 month old baby boy, we adore him and he's getting to the age now where he loves being around us and is fascinated by everything! Obviously weather is great at the moment so we've been spending weekends outside with him, playing, having bbqs etc and it's been amazing. So the problem... my partner has just dropped in during conversation that football pre season starts basically this month which takes him away from 12-5pm every Saturday. He's played for this team for as long as I've known him and I always knew football would start again as he said the season kicks off again in August/September but I just thought we might have a few more months to spend together with the LO as it's his first summer and it's been so nice being able to spend the weekends together with him. We've just got into a BLAZING argument and both said some not very nice stuff. Feel absolutely shit about this, he wants me to be supportive and happy for him to go as football does and always has meant so much to him. But I can't help but feel like our first summer with our baby is over before it's even started 😢

OP posts:
DullFanFiction · 02/06/2024 17:54

@Choochoo21 who is saying that the puppy is THE OP choice and not his or them together?
Why have you automatically assumed that the dog is only the OP’s responsibility? Because in my world, unless she got the dog knowing her DP did not want one at all, it’s BOTH, her and her DP, responsibility.

Hence her DP should actually think about how to organise his weekend around the dog too!!

pastaandpesto · 02/06/2024 17:58

I think the suggestion that it's somehow the OP's responsibilty to figure out how to turn this 5 hour hobby into fun family time by driving half an hour each way for the pleasure of wrangling a puppy and a young baby at the edge of a football pitch for four hours is properly laughable.

Original poster
MaltipooMama · 02/06/2024 18:05

@Choochoo21 sorry just to stop you there and to refute the notion that I like drama... I call her my puppy because she is under two years old and weight 6kg. She came to live with me 13 months before my child was born

OP posts:
Original poster
MaltipooMama · 02/06/2024 18:07

@LuluBlakey1 ok? Thank you for sharing your own personal experience of your children's weight but I think I value the opinion of our child's health visitor and doctor more who are both extremely happy with his weight and length 👍

OP posts:
Original poster
MaltipooMama · 02/06/2024 18:08

DullFanFiction · 02/06/2024 17:54

@Choochoo21 who is saying that the puppy is THE OP choice and not his or them together?
Why have you automatically assumed that the dog is only the OP’s responsibility? Because in my world, unless she got the dog knowing her DP did not want one at all, it’s BOTH, her and her DP, responsibility.

Hence her DP should actually think about how to organise his weekend around the dog too!!

Edited

Thank you and yes you are correct, my partner and I both got the dog together, prior to the conception of our baby

OP posts:
Original poster
MaltipooMama · 02/06/2024 18:09

pastaandpesto · 02/06/2024 17:58

I think the suggestion that it's somehow the OP's responsibilty to figure out how to turn this 5 hour hobby into fun family time by driving half an hour each way for the pleasure of wrangling a puppy and a young baby at the edge of a football pitch for four hours is properly laughable.

THIS IS MY THOUGHT EXACTLY!!!!!

OP posts:
QuantumPanic · 02/06/2024 18:13

MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 02/06/2024 16:32

How is your six month old two stone?! My five and a half year old is 120 cm and just over 3 stone

My friend's husband is 6"5 and their baby came out looking like it was about 18 months old. I have never seen such an enormous baby.

GingerPirate · 02/06/2024 18:13

Another football twat.
Sorry.
I guess I'm "lucky" that my husband has never been remotely interested in this stuff.
On the other hand, he's like Wallace with DIY.
😁

Original poster
MaltipooMama · 02/06/2024 18:16

@QuantumPanic my younger brother was EXACTLY like that too, he's now over 6ft with a six pack and is a tennis and football star!

OP posts:
m00rfarm · 02/06/2024 18:18

SirChenjins · 02/06/2024 15:17

I’m with you OP - it would be nice to pack the car up if it’s nice on a Saturday and head out somewhere as a family without rushing back so he can chase a ball round a pitch. I imagine you’re still on may leave so will be spending the week with friends or family and catching up with house stuff, so it would be good to have the limited time at the weekend together. Fine if it wasn’t so often or so long - a couple of hours on a weekend morning is fine - a quarter of the weekend, not so fine imo.

Edited

"chasing a ball around a pitch" is hardly the phraseology that is going to allow them to make peace over this. It would be quicker to say "playing football". So why make it sound like something that is for children. He is an adult. He can have a hobby. Plenty of women have hobbies after they have babies. I was able to continue having horses and competing after having had a baby. Why shouldn't I? If he was gaming, that would be for way more than 5 hours over the weekend. I cannot see how anyone believes that the OP is being reasonable about being this upset about her husband doing WHAT HE HAS ALWAYS DONE on a weekend. If they did not discuss it before, how is he meant to know that now it is not allowed!

Original poster
MaltipooMama · 02/06/2024 18:26

Hi all, been noticing today that I've spent way too much time on here reading comments (so addictive!) and I feel like the thread has been derailed a bit from my initial intention (I have started to feel like I need to justify owning a dog and my baby's weight!) so just to say thank you to everyone who replied with level headed and diplomatic comments, I take on board all of these and think once today's blunder has diffused I will speak to my partner about any underlining issues that are adding to my annoyance on this.

Just to leave on this note as I never want my partner to be misrepresented, he really is a great father and dad - he works five days a week and finishes at 5pm on the dot to come straight downstairs to take LO straight off me to have two hours with him and do his bedtime routine. He also splits house stuff with me equally and alternates nights with me looking after our baby so that I can get a full sleep every other night, despite working Monday-Friday. He doesn't go on lads nights outs and leave me with the baby, he's an amazing partner, not a "football twat", hence the reason I was so upset about our row, he has just loved to play football since he could walk and it means a lot to him mentally and physically. My intention of the initial thread was to try and seek some guidance on how I could manage my feelings better and not have the disagreement escalated, not to slag him off and to say I think he's terrible for wanting to play football, and he is and always has been fully supportive of any time that I want to go and take for myself, whenever and for however long, in fact he actively encourages it. So again thank you to the people who understood this and gave me good advice. And to all the "you are being unreasonable" posters, YOU'RE ON THE WRONG PISSING TOPIC!

OP posts:
somethingwickedlivesnextdoor · 02/06/2024 18:26

So long as you get the same down time each weekend, that's ok...

LifeExperience · 02/06/2024 18:27

It's only 5 hours and it's something he loves. You can have bbqs on Sunday.

HcbSS · 02/06/2024 18:40

You choose to have zero interests, you can’t hold him back.
Life gets very boring just being at home.

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 02/06/2024 18:40

You mention the dog being hyper and difficult, is the problem that it's hard work looking after both dog and baby on your own, so you're dreading another day of it every week?

Would the dog benefit from some more training so fits into family life a bit better? At the moment it doesn't sound like you can leave it for long, or take it with you!

LakeTiticaca · 02/06/2024 18:49

You are being unreasonable. Married couples need outside pursuits. Being joined at the hip isn't healthy. You have known from.the start that he has this hobby. Why try to change things now?

Drawyourselfup · 02/06/2024 18:50

pastaandpesto · 02/06/2024 15:08

I understand why you're upset, OP. You'll get loads or responses telling you that it's only five hours, and you can use this as an opportunity to argue for five hours for your hobby on Sunday.

The reality is that the father ends up using 'his' time as me time, because that's his priority. Whereas the mother ends up using 'her' time as family time, because that's her priority and unless she prioritises it, it isn't going to happen - the reality is that there is not enough time in the weekend for both parents to have 5 hour hobbies, quality family time, and also do all the other mundane things that have to get done. It's very depressing.

Well put and I agree.

MaryFuckingFerguson · 02/06/2024 18:57

I get it. Life with a newish baby is a bit shit and you’re tired and irrational.

I always felt really sorry for my friends that had partners who played golf or football - they were out for massive chunks of weekend days. You don’t want to be the harridan stopping him, but it does take away from family time. But the other side of this is that it’s hugely important to have time for yourself, so I hope you get this too.

Getonwitit · 02/06/2024 18:57

Did you have a conversation before the pregnancy about how you would both manage hobbies and what each others expectations were ? If so has he kept to the plans ?

Cornishclio · 02/06/2024 18:58

It is an argument so if you haven't argued before you are lucky. You voiced your resentment and although I can understand him not wanting to give up his hobby it would be nice if he met you halfway by at least organising something on the Sunday. From experience as I am much older than you I urge you not to allocate all your time to family and carve out some time for yourself either by a hobby or meeting a friend. Otherwise you will quickly feel resentful your DPs life hasn't changed since having your baby and yours is hugely curtailed no matter how much you enjoy looking after him.

SportGirl · 02/06/2024 19:29

CwmYoy · 02/06/2024 15:59

Time he grew up. Games are for people with no responsibilities.

Wtf he's allowed to play football if he wants to, I play football myself

Dibbydoos · 02/06/2024 20:22

I'm sure he's been enjoying this time with you and your son too, but you're not joined at the hip.

YABU and that's why you feel so bad now.

Go and apologise.

Mostlycarbon · 02/06/2024 20:30

Is he giving you five hours to pursue something you enjoy on a Sunday?

SirChenjins · 02/06/2024 20:53

Dibbydoos · 02/06/2024 20:22

I'm sure he's been enjoying this time with you and your son too, but you're not joined at the hip.

YABU and that's why you feel so bad now.

Go and apologise.

😂😂

SpindarellaRockafella · 02/06/2024 20:57

Yeah that’s cool. Just ask him when
you can take your 5 hours a week to yourself while he holds fort fully and competently (and the Wednesday darts time too). What does he say?
If your baby is too small for you to want to leave just bank it and cash in some girls weekends etc in months to come.
I know there is a family time together issue, but also sitting along side it is the belief he can opt out and have you hold his world up while he does so, without things being equitable for you. And that’s no way to start. So I’d want to sense check if that’s his innate belief.