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Original poster

Argh just had a blazing argument, feel shit

151 replies

MaltipooMama · 02/06/2024 14:49

So my partner and I have a 6 month old baby boy, we adore him and he's getting to the age now where he loves being around us and is fascinated by everything! Obviously weather is great at the moment so we've been spending weekends outside with him, playing, having bbqs etc and it's been amazing. So the problem... my partner has just dropped in during conversation that football pre season starts basically this month which takes him away from 12-5pm every Saturday. He's played for this team for as long as I've known him and I always knew football would start again as he said the season kicks off again in August/September but I just thought we might have a few more months to spend together with the LO as it's his first summer and it's been so nice being able to spend the weekends together with him. We've just got into a BLAZING argument and both said some not very nice stuff. Feel absolutely shit about this, he wants me to be supportive and happy for him to go as football does and always has meant so much to him. But I can't help but feel like our first summer with our baby is over before it's even started 😢

OP posts:
Fs365 · 02/06/2024 15:30

He's played for this team for as long as I've known him and I always knew football would start again

You knew this would happen, bit late to be upset about it

SirChenjins · 02/06/2024 15:32

HawkersEast · 02/06/2024 15:25

Also just as nice to pack up the car and head out on a Sunday.

Show quote history

if it’s nice on a Saturday - is what I said

Given the shit weather we’ve been having recently it’s good to have the option of going out on a Saturday if the weather is shit on the Sunday. This takes away that option.

blacksax · 02/06/2024 15:41

Fs365 · 02/06/2024 15:30

He's played for this team for as long as I've known him and I always knew football would start again

You knew this would happen, bit late to be upset about it

This. ^

You knew what you were signing up for, and he's always done it. As long as he spends all Saturday morning with you and the dc, and all day Sunday as well, I think it would be unfair to give it up now.

Assuming he is a hands-on dad of course, and does his fair share of chores and baby-wrangling the rest of the time.

passthehobnobsplease · 02/06/2024 15:42

SirChenjins · 02/06/2024 15:17

I’m with you OP - it would be nice to pack the car up if it’s nice on a Saturday and head out somewhere as a family without rushing back so he can chase a ball round a pitch. I imagine you’re still on may leave so will be spending the week with friends or family and catching up with house stuff, so it would be good to have the limited time at the weekend together. Fine if it wasn’t so often or so long - a couple of hours on a weekend morning is fine - a quarter of the weekend, not so fine imo.

Edited

Agree with this

Sunnytwobridges · 02/06/2024 15:43

Nah I wouldn’t be down with this. I’d feel like I’m doing all the parenting alone most of the day on Saturday. Not saying he shouldn’t have a hobby but including travel time and chatting afterwards it could be 6/7 hours. That’s almost all day.

Shoxfordian · 02/06/2024 15:45

Yabu, you know he plays so why be surprised he's going back or have a row about it? Be a bit more self sufficient

Biscuitsandpizza · 02/06/2024 15:48

Perhaps missing the point @MaltipooMama but why is it 5hrs?!

BurbageBrook · 02/06/2024 15:48

I'm on your side. Every Saturday is far too much.

Original poster
MaltipooMama · 02/06/2024 15:49

Just wanted to answer a few points here as I'm not sure of some posters haven't actually read my wording!

I haven't suggested at any point asked if I'm being reasonable, I said I'd fallen out with my partner and felt shit that crossed words were exchanged between us, I'm not asking whether or not it's reasonable, I'm upset that we've argued as we never do
To everyone saying I am controlling and shouldn't ask him to give up football - not sure where you've read that in the thread? I haven't and wouldn't do that, I explained that I am gutted that I thought we had a few months left of being able to pack up the car on a nice weekend and trot off somewhere and now we aren't able to do that.

Yes if I wanted to pursue a hobby my partner would be fine with that, but I am 6 months pp and wanting to focus on my baby

Can I ask people to remember that I am a sleep deprived first time parent winging it everyday and yes things like this can seem like a big deal in unusual circumstances. I am on maternity leave during the week and the days can seem quite lonely and isolating.

OP posts:
Original poster
MaltipooMama · 02/06/2024 15:51

Biscuitsandpizza · 02/06/2024 15:48

Perhaps missing the point @MaltipooMama but why is it 5hrs?!

30 min drive there and back, 90 minute training beforehand and then the length of the match and showers, team talk after!

OP posts:
SportGirl · 02/06/2024 15:53

So support him then, be proud that he is doing something he loves

user1984778379202 · 02/06/2024 15:55

What horrible stuff did you say to each other, OP? Stuff you can both walk back on and put down to being knackered FTP, or stuff that has exposed worrying cracks in your relationship?

The question I'd be asking is if he's prepared to miss the occasional Saturday for family events? My OH has a hobby that takes up weekends but will rearrange if need be. I know it's not as easy if your DP has got teammates relying on him, but I think I'd baulk at EVERY Saturday afternoon being booked out without question or compromise.

CwmYoy · 02/06/2024 15:59

Time he grew up. Games are for people with no responsibilities.

Original poster
MaltipooMama · 02/06/2024 16:04

user1984778379202 · 02/06/2024 15:55

What horrible stuff did you say to each other, OP? Stuff you can both walk back on and put down to being knackered FTP, or stuff that has exposed worrying cracks in your relationship?

The question I'd be asking is if he's prepared to miss the occasional Saturday for family events? My OH has a hobby that takes up weekends but will rearrange if need be. I know it's not as easy if your DP has got teammates relying on him, but I think I'd baulk at EVERY Saturday afternoon being booked out without question or compromise.

Actually this is a really interesting question that covers both your points, firstly no nothing groundbreaking was said that we wouldn't be able to come back from, more like immature digs but nothing serious. However one thing that was said, my partner said if ever we make pre-booked plans he would be happy to miss the match. It went like this:

Well we never bloody pre-book anything so when is that going to happen
Yes because you like to be the organiser and book everything
No I bloody don't! I have to because if I didn't we wouldn't ever do anything

So this ended up being a bit of a focal point and I'm wondering if I've got some resentment there that he can make his way to football every Saturday but will never be the one to instigate plans for us

Sounds a bit silly but I have told him before that I always feel like the ownership is on me to sort out things for us to do. He's just easy going and happy to go along with everything

OP posts:
Original poster
MaltipooMama · 02/06/2024 16:06

Also to add he also plays for a darts team and does those matches on Wednesday evenings. So again for anyone who seemingly thinks I don't want him pursuing his own hobbies, this is not the case

OP posts:
Original poster
MaltipooMama · 02/06/2024 16:14

monicagellerbing · 02/06/2024 15:19

It pisses down most of the time in this country OP, it might not the 'aren't we a happy family and isn't our baby amazing' summer you're hoping for. You're being ridiculous and twee. Who cares if it's 'first summer' 😂😂😂

There sounds like a lot of bitterness in this message and you've pulled the "happy family" and "isn't our baby great" bits out of thin air. It sounds like you're quite bitter and unhappy, I hope this isn't the case

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 02/06/2024 16:15

Can't you take baby to watch while the weather is nice?

RickyGervaislovesdogs · 02/06/2024 16:17

Did you know when you married him
OP? I think YABU if you did.

YANBU to be inwardly seething! But I don’t think you can show it too much.
DH watches football, he will record it and watch later depending what we do that day (so he doesn’t find out the score). He doesn’t go out to watch it though. He has a man cave.

itsmylife7 · 02/06/2024 16:25

Reading all your posts I see the 'real ' issue is he never plans anything and you do all the planning.

I assume he's always been this way and it wasn't an issue before you became parents?

Nayouknow · 02/06/2024 16:25

Why are people responding like this is AIBU? It’s not.

OP, I think you should be supportive and happy for him. It’s great that he has this. Ideally, you will also be getting time to yourself (I know it’s hard with an infant) to focus on something you love. He, in turn, should support you with that.

Re the summer weekends, specifically, you can do family stuff on Sundays. On Saturdays where you have a specific outing you’d like to go on/thing you’d like to do, he’s stated he’s willing to skip football. So, that’s great.

Re him organising things, I think that’s a separate conversation to be had when you’re not both so cross. Hopefully you can come to some sort of agreement.

Original poster
MaltipooMama · 02/06/2024 16:29

RedHelenB · 02/06/2024 16:15

Can't you take baby to watch while the weather is nice?

Yes this is actually something that my partner suggested and would be something I would consider some Saturdays, the problem is that baby isn't crawling yet and I also have a maltipoo puppy who I would have to bring along, so logistically I could see it being a nightmare with baby in pushchair (he's nearly two stone so not the easiest to carry around lol) and having to push that around as well as trying to control a hyper puppy on a lead! Once he's a bit more mobile though it might be an option

OP posts:
MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 02/06/2024 16:31

I never understand the whole it's fine for him to do something all day every Saturday you do something all day every Sunday.... Don't people do things as a family? DH and I both have hobbies and both go to the gym neither of us takes a while day every weekend to do so. It's a compromise you make when you have young children

Singleandproud · 02/06/2024 16:31

It's far more of an option whilst he isn't mobile. Once he's moving you'll have dog in one direction and toddler in another.

Original poster
MaltipooMama · 02/06/2024 16:31

itsmylife7 · 02/06/2024 16:25

Reading all your posts I see the 'real ' issue is he never plans anything and you do all the planning.

I assume he's always been this way and it wasn't an issue before you became parents?

I think this is pretty accurate, I definitely notice/care more about it now than I ever did before, particularly as the last four out of five "big things" that we've done have all been orchestrated by me. When it was just the two of us we quite liked lounging around and just hanging out, but I had a somewhat dysfunctional childhood and want to make my little one's as wonderful as possible so it's definitely a big factor

OP posts:
SirChenjins · 02/06/2024 16:32

If he’s willing to miss football because it’s going to be nice weather one Saturday and shit weather on the Sunday and you want to spend time together doing something on the Saturday as a family then that’s good - just make sure he sticks to that.

If Sunday is your family day when does he do his share of the house stuff and catch up with any jobs that he needs to do? Don’t fall into the trap of doing that when he’s at football - he doesn’t get all the fun stuff with none of the responsibilities, esp when you return to work.