Polyamorous Relationship

[ohnoohnoohnoohno]

Hi,

I've met an amazing guy. He's been very open in telling me he is in a polyamorous relationship. He lives with a woman but wants me to be his girlfriend.

Has anyone experienced this? How did it go?

Do you want to be the third wheel is someone else’s relationship? Is his girlfriend up for it or is he just trying to cheat on her?

Run. Run. Run.

I did this and it fucked me up badly.

Well what do you want, have you previously had any interest in this sort of setup or would you only be considering it for him?

Hell no.

Double dipping?

No thanks.

🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

He's not amazing.

He may have some kind of charismatic charm on the surface but scratch the surface and you'll find a selfish, self centred man who can't commit, is bored easily and likes to be the centre of attention and will be petulant if he isn't. He isn't able to form strong emotional ties, so when he's had his fill of you, he'll be looking for the next woman to screw and will drop you like a hot potato.

I've only done poly relationships for a decade now.
You're going to have a lot of people coming on here to tell you 'hell no' but it can work.
However, it depends enormously on three things:

1. What you want. Are you genuinely okay with sharing?
2. That he is completely honest with you and the other person about his intents. A lot of guys use 'poly' to be dicks but there are also a lot of good ones
3. That you both make it a priority to communicate about what you're feeling. It's new ground for you.

I suggest you ask him what their 'rules' are. Most long standing poly couples will have a fairly short list - usually around safe sex and honesty. Newer ones will have a long list. This sounds like not a bad thing, but a lot of rules tends to benefit the couple so thar anyone new is kept at arms length and generally just seen as a sexual partner and not a girlfriend. I suggest looking at the unicorns-r-us website as that highlights a lot of the red flags you need to look out for. If you're going to get into poly relationships, I recommend the Stepping Off The Relationship Escalator book. It's an excellent primer.

The other con is that you'll find a lot of people are really fucking judgy. These poly threads rarely end well. There are a lot of poly groups on FB where people ask for advice from those who actually do it. It might be worth having a look on there.

I think this is a situation where communication is key. If this is the kind of relationship you are interested in embarking on, then you will need to set boundaries and expectations straight very, very quickly.

It certainly wouldn’t be for me, as that’s not what I’m looking for but I’m sure there are people out there which it works just fine.

If you are happy to sit around sometimes while he is screwing someone else , then go for it .

One conversation I had with a woman who was trying to explain it to us convinced me that she had been the target of sexual predators an 'gaslit' into accepting an alternative reality as a new normal.
Perhaps they were after her house, owned outright. The couple were renting.

Hard no from me, wouldn't even touch the bargepole.
But we're all different.
I just feel this notion is designed to serve men rather than women.
I once went to a music festival at let's say a spiritual centre in the south of England. It became clear that the place was operating along these lines. I had a few chats and observed the inhabitants/spiritual followers of this place. The men were stoked, the women looked miserable, bar none.

Does his long term partner definitely know she's in a polyamorous relationship too?

Each to their own but ICK!

Gosh thank you for the replies. I'm totally new to this concept, hence the question. I would prefer a 'normal' relationship tbh but this man has caught my attention.

Is it just me being cynical, but are the centre of poly relationships always men?

You don't often hear of a woman with many male partners.

You need to either be polyamorous yourself or genuinely only looking for a casual relationship for this to work, OP. It doesn’t sound as if that’s the case.

You need to think very carefully about whether polyamory is for you. Would you be considering this if it wasn't for this guy? If not, don't get involved. There's a reason that this set up doesn't work for most people

Hold out for better, Op, you deserve it. This apparently charming man is offering sloppy seconds

Then it's not for you. If you were to ever explore polyamory, it has to be because you want to, not because you like a guy who practices it. The latter situation will undoubtedly end with you getting hurt.

Read @Priscilla2024 over and over.
It is not like Being a bit different like living on a field and being self-sufficient.
You have met people that are looking for new sensations.
Oh and read @Priscilla2024 again.

I don't have any personal experience of this. I think if it works for people then fine. I don't have any moral judgement about it at all.

But personally I don't think I could do it. If I have a relationship with someone, yes it's about the attraction and sex, but a huge part of a relationship for me is a deep emotional connection. I couldn't have that with two people at the same time. (at least I don't think I could!)

You sound unhinged, bitter, and judgemental.