Polyamorous Relationship

[ohnoohnoohnoohno]

Hi,

I've met an amazing guy. He's been very open in telling me he is in a polyamorous relationship. He lives with a woman but wants me to be his girlfriend.

Has anyone experienced this? How did it go?

It depends what works for you.

My feeling would be that many men don't do polyamerous relationships respectfully.

There has to be an agreement with the main partner, if there is one, for example, that
a. all other 'partners' are just sex.
Or
b. All other potential secondary partners have to be introduced to them early on. And a decision made going forwards as a throuple if its a 'moving forwards situation'.
Or some such similar agreements to keep things healthy.

As him - what are the agreements he has with his partner regarding other relationships. The ground rules.. And, when can you meet her, as you like to be sure she is comfortable with this situation and everything is above board.

Suggest all three of you go for a coffee, perhaps.
At least after a few dates. Before any bedroom activities.

If he's iffy on that, he's a big fat liar about his situation.

You also need to know how big a part SHE will play in your life. And if you'll like her.

Ask him questions like:

What does a polyamerous relationship look like to you?

How do you show your partners respect in your relationships? What does it look like?

What is your motivation for polyamery?

How do you manage your time when it comes to time spent with partners? Do you realistically have the time and, enough of you, to add another partner to your life?

What kind of person is your current partner?

Have you ever experienced arguments with partners/potential partners regarding polymory and, how did you both resolve them?

What does empathy mean to you? Can you tell me about a time where you had to empathise with the feelings of a partner? Perhaps to reach a compromise?

How do you handle times of jealousy if it occurs?

I do believe that successful polyamerous relationships are possible. But you need to be more epathetic than most (and excellent communicators). All parties involved do. Because its not just 2 peoples feelings to consider.

I suspect unfortunately, many men just say they are polyamerous, when infact they are just shagging about and treating all the women like shit.

You don't have to give a toss, that's not my issue. If it's not for you, it's not for you. My issue is people who clearly know nothing about polyamoury talking about how (they think) those relationships work.

I don't care how you dress it up or sanitize the grottiness behind a wall of jargon. You don't have to be au fait with the mechanics of combustion to know it's a bad idea to stick your hand in a fire.

It started as a threesome one day and then developed into something more.

Female partner is same age as us.

We are a committed threesome. No other people allowed now. Me and dh have been together for 12 years. The three of us have been together for 8.

Family and friends all know.

Yes we’ve met her parents. She’s met mine, and his. It didn’t go too well but that doesn’t really matter

Cool. So you don't share cock then?

No I don't, it's not my thing. But I'm not sure why that's relevant.

I know someone who tried dating a polyamorous person and this is exactly what happened. Left my friend very upset and down for ages.
OTOH I know a couple who consider each other their soulmate etc, but both see other people more casually. AFAIK (I don't know them well; friends of a friend) it's working well and has done for years. Of course I don't know what the 'casual' people feel, but can only assume they're all OK with it.
Depends on what everyone wants out of it, is the bottom line.

I am one such woman.

But I came to it gradually and for myself; OP seems to want to do it for this particular guy, which is not a recipe for success

Oh aye, he is is he?

@Soubriquet very interesting. Looks like you did an AMA on this in 2018, and the 3 of you are still together. How has your relationship evolved since then and have the children's opinions changed. Genuinely curious.

I think polyamory is seriously messed up. And I feel really sorry for children who are part of such a setup.

Find someone who respects you OP.

I meant the general you. Please don't pretend you don't know what I mean.

Can you really not do better for yourself!? Yuck.

I did but I got so much backlash it was awful.

Like I said, it’s been 8 years now and we are all still getting on well. Children’s opinions haven’t changed at all. She is still their second mother

I have a sneaking suspicion this guy lives in a shoes off household

Nonsense, that as a general question makes no sense in the context of the thread or the conversation we were having.

@HarrietSpying

L.o.l 🤣
"They are all dyed hair blue types ect

I haven't across those types yet so far in life,

Is he polyamorous or simply a cheating bastard though?

Have you met and spoken to his partner?

@Soubriquet Are your children treated well by other parents/ children who know. Do they still have friends over. You should do another AMA. You had a lot of back lash, had people saying it won't last but you're all still going strong. I'm so interested to know how the dynamics is maintained. How have you explained this to your children now that they're older.

Polyamorous relationship isn't for me but what's piqued my interest is that you've maintained it for so long. I was always under the impression that it was just a way for a man to bring his mistress into a relationship and that it wouldn't last.

Oh my god, there is a website called unicorns are us, and it about polygamy. Let's hope the kids don't stumble on it.

Don't go there, you want a 'normal' relationship, there are lots of men that want that too, so hold out for one of those.

If you give your kids unrestricted Internet access they will see far worse than this.

@ohnoohnoohnoohno

Just a random thought just popped into my mind,

Prominent well known people from history in western societies,

Who had unconventional poly types 🤔 or aspects of that kind of relationship dynamic
Start off

Eleanor Roosevelt and her husband was a former President of America 🇺🇸 in the 1940s eara,

She was highly educated intelligent woman who was the one the person who created the world famous declaration of Human rights after second World War,

there are others prominent writers and artists 🎨 etc too

Such as Augustus John famous Artist and his sister Gwen was too,
he came from lovely sea side town Tenby,

I can't remember the others,

Just wondering was the writer Virginia woolf too in a poly relantship one time,

I really appreciate all the comments. It's given me a chance to reflect and I don't think it's for me. I'll continue looking for a man who just wants one woman!