Polyamorous Relationship

[ohnoohnoohnoohno]

Hi,

I've met an amazing guy. He's been very open in telling me he is in a polyamorous relationship. He lives with a woman but wants me to be his girlfriend.

Has anyone experienced this? How did it go?

I think that’s right for you, OP.

FWIW as a poly person, I would be very wary dating a mono person and I don’t think this guy should have suggested it lightly.

This is exactly the situation I'm in. I haven't heard from mine in over a week as he is away with his partner. She is also married.

Honestly...it's shit and it's not what l want long term but currently l don't have any one else so it fills a need on the very rare occasions l see him.

My heart goes out to your poor children.

Sure....it's fine.....if you only want half of his attention, half of his time, half of his emotional support, half the sex (presumably).

Preserve your dignity and say no to being part of his harem.

Why 'poor children' ? Sounds to me like @Soubriquet 's kids are part of a solid and settled family in which communication is managed really well. I think they sound like very lucky kids.

Yes you’re being cynical, no the centre of poly relationships aren’t always men.

Most of us (women) don’t talk about our partners a great deal because of the brain dead reactions we receive from others.

I have 5 male partners and 1 female partner. She has several male partners also.

I am not polyamorous but when l first got involved with my person... l can't call it a relationship ... l read the Ethical Slut book.

I really liked what l read about polyamorous relationships and how they are built on trust, communication, boundaries, openness and above all respect.

Unfortunately, l have not experienced that with who l am involved with. I have asked for 3 things - to not be left "hanging" for several days between messages, to always have a date in the diary for our next meeting - even if it's a couple of weeks way, and to be told if he meets another person before they have sex.

He agreed to all of that... and hasn't kept to any of them. The lack of respect is what has messed with my head, not the polyamorous part of the situation, plus how he tells me he doesn't have care or affection for me but then holds my hand and cuddles me etc.

What I'm trying to say, is that being in a polyamorous relationship is very dependent on who you are in it with... and if it's conducted correctly it can be a positive and fulfilling relationship

@NeedToAskPlease I am sorry the guy you are dating is being a fuck boi 😢

Those aren't characteristics of a polymarous relationship, they are characteristics of a good relationship. Any decent relationship should be built on trust and communication and you can get that without your partner sleeping with other people

If polyamoury is truelly your thing then go for it, but no one should ever enter a polyamorous relationship for an individual man or because they are chasing a trusting relationship, or one where he doesn't cheat.

I think its actually the other way around. There are far more men willing to do the poly thing than women, so men tend to find it harder to find poly partners than women.
I think men are seen as being the centre is because a lot of women tend to keep their poly status fairly quiet.
We get judged a lot. We get treated as if we're being some poor vulnerable woman who's being taken advantage of and have our children pitied.
Close friends know. Other people, some of whom I've known for years (through work or hobbies etc) don't know at all and would probably be surprised.
It's just not worth the irritation of having to deal with people looking down their nose at me.

“Close friends know. Other people, some of whom I've known for years (through work or hobbies etc) don't know at all and would probably be surprised.
It's just not worth the irritation of having to deal with people looking down their nose at me.”

Totally agree, @InvisibleBuffy

I agree, none of the people I mentioned are blue hair types at all.

Very lucky kids? Seriously?

A poly relationship can be 2 men and 2 women, for example.

Also, it's not necessarily just the men who are sharing all the women. The women can have relationships with each other.

I know and have known several. There are also what are known as polycules.

It's absolutely viable and wonderful for those who love polyamorously, but it's all about communication, and like with monogamy, you'll still meet some absolute dicks.

A few of my closest friends are in multiple polyam relationships and are immensely happy.

I recommend reading a few books, can't remember the name of the one I found most useful.