What would your DH’s response to this situation have been?

[JunglePrint]

A couple of days away in Dorset, to a place we love, I am six months pregnant, our last chance for a bit of a break before baby comes.

We go to one of those car parks that’s in a field, it’s busy because it’s half term but there is one very awkwardly shaped space left. But it looks fine, I can drive in there no problem. The parking attendant first says to me, ‘lots of people prefer to reverse in this spot,’ but I say I’ll be okay thank you. It is tight however, so I tell DH to get out of the car as there might not be much space on the passenger side for him to open the door.

He gets out, I drive in, it’s fine. Everything is fine! But then the parking chap is still going on about do I want to adjust my position, and I have DH saying to put my wheel down on a hard left and reverse back… it was starting to annoy me. If I’d done what DH suggested I’d have scraped the rear of the car and this bloke hovering around was getting on my nerves.

So, I got out of the car, gave the keys to DH and said, ‘you do it then!’ At which point, DH and the parking attendant decided that actually it was parked just fine and they’d leave it there.

I’d be curious to know what your DH’s response to this would be.

For context, he knows I hate people watching me when I park (even though I can do it easily), and I know that he is very sensitive to what other people think of him.

I'd get used to saying 'I prefer not to reverse in because I need lots of access to the boot'.... (pushchair!)

My DH would've helped guide me in if I asked but if it was parked fine he would've said "Thank you, we're fine".

My Dh would have trusted that i know how to park the car and not said anything. The parking guy was rude, i wonder if he would have acted like that if it was your husband parking?

Good line, I shall use it in the future!

Sorry, I meant what would your DH’s response have been to you getting flustered and out of the car, giving him the keys and telling him to park it himself?

My DH would have told me to reverse in. To be fair, I always prefer to reverse in anyway. But since you’d already parked, I’m pretty sure my dh would have just got on with the day.

To be honest OP, I think the pregnancy hormones might be getting to you a bit here 😬Me and DP have a great relationship and don't argue very often but parking / driving is one of those areas where the other person can get your back up by not saying much at all! I wouldn't have even given this a second thought tbh...

My partner would have let me park the car without commenting.

If I got flustered and asked him to park it, he’d either do so, or tell me to do it myself 🤷🏻‍♀️depending on if he could be bothered

It would never have come to that because he wouldn’t have joined in with the parking attendant giving out unwanted advice. I’m capable of parking a car without anyone’s instruction.

Exactly this. And I bet the parking guy wouldn't have commented if it was the bloke parking.

That sounds so fucking annoying. Of them. Couple of mansplainers.

I dunno, sounds like a normal convo in our house. I'll tell him when he's parked shit, he'd tell me the same.

Also, I would have reversed in 😂

Was there a damage to another car? He would take the key and access the damage then without any criticism to me. Then he would try to calm me down with words or a hug.

But she didn't park shit!

Where are you getting damage from? OP parked in a space without any issue despite the interference of her DP and the parking attendant

He’d either move it, if he genuinely thought it was badly parked (though he couldn’t give a shit about how he parks, so this is unlikely), or if he was just being gobby he’d have said “whatever” (or something to that effect), we’d probably have been tensely silent for a few minutes, and then we’d have got on with our day.

Is this part of a bigger problem? If not, and I know you’re probably sick of hearIng this, pregnancy hormones can make you everything feel much more acutely.

I was curious as to what extent this would have spoiled your DH’s holiday from your DH’s perspective.

My DH became mortified that I had ‘embarrassed him in public in front of a stranger,’ as we are ‘not the kind of people who argue in public and cause a scene.’ He continued that I know he’s a ‘private’ person and so it was really embarrassing for him.

Consequently, after an hour of being on the beach, he felt that the day was now written off and as he was so embarrassed he didn’t feel able to relax, there was no point staying there for the rest of the day as planned, we should just go home early as we wouldn’t be able to recover the day and why would we want to prolong the memory of what happened?

On the drive home he said that that place was always so special to him/us but now he would always associate it with the argument and he didn’t know if he’d ever want to go back.

This is crazy, right? I told him that was fine if he didn’t want to go back in the future, I’d take the child with me and leave him behind!

I also tried to talk about the fact I felt the size of his response didn’t reflect the size of the original issue. And I tried to talk about why it takes him hours to mull over something and then come out of it whereas I would have got over that blip quite quickly, and suggested that one day when calm we perhaps talk and find a compromise as to how we negotiate things.

He also mentioned that when we experience ‘real stress’ when the child is born, he’s worried as to how I’ll react?! I said it’s the other way round, what if the child is frustrated or upset in public, would you be annoyed with him for embarrassing you? He said of course not as I’m an adult and should have known better not to cause a scene in public in front of strangers!

I'd have said the same as you, with a barbed twist 'Oh you think I should adjust my position? Put my wheel down on a hard left and reverse back? Oh dear, my lady brain couldn't possibly manage that, DH, come rescue me and do it properly!'

You did fine. Your DH cares a lot about what people think of him, so you handing him the keys put all that pressure on him, and then some. Hence why 'the men' decided actually it was fine where it was

Your DH sounds really, really socially anxious and insecure and he deals with that by making out you're the problem.
You're not.
Send him to counselling OP. He's right, this will get worse with kids - but it's him, not you.

Is this part of a bigger problem?

No, before now I couldn’t have said when we last argued. He has truly been brilliant in supporting me in this pregnancy, I’ve had no issues or worries at all.

If not, and I know you’re probably sick of hearIng this, pregnancy hormones can make you everything feel much more acutely.

This is something else I said to him. While I may have ‘embarrassed him in public,’ I’m also very hormonal so could no allowances be made there as to me being flustered/annoyed in the car?

How flustered/pissed off were you? How my DP would react would be based on how I spoke to him exactly.

I'm 5 months pregnant and if I get flustered I just say sorry 5 mins later and we hug it out. I'm a hoverer/clean freak/perfectionist so he is used to me being picky - he has the patience of a saint.

With parking I'd be happy to let him do it. If I did it, my DP wouldn't comment on my parking, or be impressed that someone else was interfering.

I also asked him, ‘if exactly the same had just happened and I’d snapped at you to move the car, but that parking attendant wasn’t standing there, would you have had the same response as this?’

He said yes but I don’t think he would have really. I think the situation/day would have been repairable.

X-posted with your update. Good god, he's an utter drama queen. Why are you getting it in the neck anyway, it was the unsolicited 'advice' from a stranger that started all this!! If he'd left you alone and not stuck his beak in there wouldn't have been an issue in the first place!

If he wants to be a wet lettuce fine, but his overreaction to perceived 'embarrassment' is his problem, not yours. If he can honestly say that he would blindly do what a total stranger told him to do had he been driving then that's up to him, but he doesn't get to dictate to you that you have to do the same. Does he do everything that randoms tell him, always, out of some irrational fear of possibly 'causing a scene'?? Madness!

OMG your DH sounds like hard work. I can see my DH & I exchanging a few petty words, like you did, if we were both flustered by the parking situation. But by the time we'd got to the beach we would laughing about it together and both taking the piss out of the parking guy.

For the record, I don't think you should have left the beach like he wanted. You need to stand your ground now and not validate his nonsense, before you are worn out by a child.

A case of putting your money where your mouth is, however your dh wasn’t prepared to do that.

My dh was always telling me how to drive/ park etc. He doesn’t appreciate me doing the same to him though. I was amazed when sat in friends car she guided her dh into a space and not one cross word spoken. They were both so calm. Dh was with me and I pointed it out later and we now both try really hard to be more respectful.

How flustered/pissed off were you?

I wasn’t at all flustered during the actual parking. I got into the space fine, everything was fine! I had both windows open so once parked I could hear the parking attendant bleating on, did I want to change the position etc etc, then I had DH come round to my window and tell me to put the wheel down hard left and reverse back. I got annoyed they were still going on, so got out of the car, said ‘you do it then, go on’ and stood back for him to do it. I didn’t shout, scream or swear, I was just at the end of my tether with these two blokes making needless (and in DH’s case, completely wrong) commentary on the parking.

Good point about whether DH had been driving, the attendant would have been commenting on his parking!