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Original poster

What would your DH’s response to this situation have been?

104 replies

JunglePrint · 31/05/2024 10:21

A couple of days away in Dorset, to a place we love, I am six months pregnant, our last chance for a bit of a break before baby comes.

We go to one of those car parks that’s in a field, it’s busy because it’s half term but there is one very awkwardly shaped space left. But it looks fine, I can drive in there no problem. The parking attendant first says to me, ‘lots of people prefer to reverse in this spot,’ but I say I’ll be okay thank you. It is tight however, so I tell DH to get out of the car as there might not be much space on the passenger side for him to open the door.

He gets out, I drive in, it’s fine. Everything is fine! But then the parking chap is still going on about do I want to adjust my position, and I have DH saying to put my wheel down on a hard left and reverse back… it was starting to annoy me. If I’d done what DH suggested I’d have scraped the rear of the car and this bloke hovering around was getting on my nerves.

So, I got out of the car, gave the keys to DH and said, ‘you do it then!’ At which point, DH and the parking attendant decided that actually it was parked just fine and they’d leave it there.

I’d be curious to know what your DH’s response to this would be.

For context, he knows I hate people watching me when I park (even though I can do it easily), and I know that he is very sensitive to what other people think of him.

OP posts:

stayathomegardener · 31/05/2024 20:06

Happyddays · 31/05/2024 16:09

OP, I certainly have no wish to alarm you, but I think your husband has behaved really appallingly.
The parking is a minor issue, but his tantrum, sulk, insistng you leave with the added statement that the place and memories are forever spoiled is frankly unhinged.

He has blown a minor issue up into a huge thing and is making a real effort to make you feel bad and undermine your potential as a mother.
Really fxxked up of him, and so nasty.

It concerns me that you are pregnant and what the future holds, because his behaviour is not normal, healthy and IMO a red flag for potentially abusive behaviour.

It is great you can see this is not good.
Listen to your gut, keep your family and friends close and think about does he like to make you feel bad about things?
It can be subtle, but is there a pattern.

Unfortunately pregnancy and new babies tend to show the true colours of some men.
I sincerely hope this isn't the case with you, but how the hell he is going to cope with a baby/toddler and the stress of that when he is determined to ruin a day out and cause such drama over something SO small, IS worrying.
Mind yourself and keep family close.

This!
I'd be keeping a very close eye on similar behaviour in the future.

TeaGinandFags · 31/05/2024 21:07

The parking attendant was being a misogynistic knob.

DH was acting like a knob too. Then he acted put like a stroppy toddler. If he's going to continue to act like a spoilt brat you may want to second think raising the baby with him. Make up your mind to do as you want: you might as well because you're never going to be right.

Garlicnaan · 31/05/2024 21:32

JunglePrint · 31/05/2024 15:53

The ‘whole afternoon that followed’ was me suggesting other places we could go to/do, I was trying to rescue the day. I was saying to him not to let one incident ruin the whole day, that we’d been looking forward to coming down. He maintained he wasn’t feeling relaxed, wasn’t feeling happy, didn’t want to go or do anything else, wasn’t hungry, didn’t want to go for a coffee or a walk, so eventually we did go home. That was ‘the whole afternoon that followed.’

God he sounds like hard work. So basically what ruined it was his own, completely over the top, childish and ridiculous reaction?

Good luck having this man baby and an actual baby to look after...

turkeymuffin · 31/05/2024 21:48

JunglePrint · 31/05/2024 10:40

Is this part of a bigger problem?

No, before now I couldn’t have said when we last argued. He has truly been brilliant in supporting me in this pregnancy, I’ve had no issues or worries at all.

If not, and I know you’re probably sick of hearIng this, pregnancy hormones can make you everything feel much more acutely.

This is something else I said to him. While I may have ‘embarrassed him in public,’ I’m also very hormonal so could no allowances be made there as to me being flustered/annoyed in the car?

Arguing is healthy and normal.

Perhaps think about why you haven't argued. Do you consciously or unconsciously keep the peace? So he doesn't get embarrassed / upset / stressed etc? You may be making more allowances than you think.

You're both right that the baby will bring challenges. You will probably find you are much less willing or able to bend to his ways and keep the peace. The baby will cry and poo at inconvenient times. He will need to learn to deal with that without getting angry and sulking like a child. If he doesn't then your marriage is likely doomed.

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