What would your DH’s response to this situation have been?

[JunglePrint]

A couple of days away in Dorset, to a place we love, I am six months pregnant, our last chance for a bit of a break before baby comes.

We go to one of those car parks that’s in a field, it’s busy because it’s half term but there is one very awkwardly shaped space left. But it looks fine, I can drive in there no problem. The parking attendant first says to me, ‘lots of people prefer to reverse in this spot,’ but I say I’ll be okay thank you. It is tight however, so I tell DH to get out of the car as there might not be much space on the passenger side for him to open the door.

He gets out, I drive in, it’s fine. Everything is fine! But then the parking chap is still going on about do I want to adjust my position, and I have DH saying to put my wheel down on a hard left and reverse back… it was starting to annoy me. If I’d done what DH suggested I’d have scraped the rear of the car and this bloke hovering around was getting on my nerves.

So, I got out of the car, gave the keys to DH and said, ‘you do it then!’ At which point, DH and the parking attendant decided that actually it was parked just fine and they’d leave it there.

I’d be curious to know what your DH’s response to this would be.

For context, he knows I hate people watching me when I park (even though I can do it easily), and I know that he is very sensitive to what other people think of him.

He sounds rather sensitive ☹️. How is he going to cope with raising a child?

I suspect what he actually means is that he is worried you will react in a way that he wouldn't.

I imagine he may be the sort of parent who will do anything to keep the kids quiet in public and avoid "causing a scene". Whereas he is worried you will continue to actually parent and, in the short term, that can be disruptive. (Eg having a tantrum about sweets in the supermarket. I imagine he would say no then give in quickly rather than holding firm. He will find it embarrassing to be with you when you continue to say no in order to have better long term behaviour)

I also wouldn't have left the beach early. If he wants to strop off he can, then he can go and calm down before getting on with the day.

Oh - I thought about this more and I'd have been in trouble if I was in your husbands position. Conflict is a real trigger for me so some parking guy giving my DP advice on parking when it was unwanted would have made me really anxious. I'd have struggled to talk to the parking guy but couldn't have told him to go. The whole thing might well have triggered a mini-meltdown. However my DP would very much know all this and would have told the parking dude to leave up front so I didn't have to.

Perhaps your DH can reflect a bit on how this got so bad for him that it spoiled a whole day. He needs to work out mechanisms to avoid this being an issue (even if it means you need to help him in certain situations) as having an entire day ruined over parking is Bonkers!

You are going to have to watch this once the baby comes, because he sounds like a total baby and is trying to make you feel bad for something he caused?

Remember to trust your instincts.

Yes, I am regretting leaving the beach now, but he wasn't being any company. One word answers, didn't want to get a coffee from the hut to take with us etc.

But none of that was mentioned in your OP.

@TheShellBeach correct - first I gave the scenario, then a few minutes later I gave what happened in my case.

Reason being - if you have ever opened a thread on here with a massive OP, people just don't reply to it. It's quite common to divide up an OP in this way, to ensure it's not too much for people to read and reply to in one go

The thing is, what your OP said and what your update said were very, very different.

You could've written a shorter version of the whole thing to start with.

My DH knows better than to criticise my
parking

I'm not sure what you mean @TheShellBeach, the OP explains what happened and said I'd be grateful to know how others' partners would have responded to the scenario. My follow up post then explained what my DH actually did in the scenario.

Yes I suppose I could have written a shorter OP but... I didn't? 😁(Again, on the Relationships board it is quite common to give lots of detail to help posters understand the context.)

I've had some very good advice and lots of things for me to think about both now, and in the future, so I am grateful for all the responses and the time posters have taken to give advice.

Poor OP. First her parking is criticised by a random stranger, then her OP is criticised by a random stranger for not being up to scratch

My husband wouldn’t do this. Where did I say he would? He wouldn’t engage with parking attendant at all.

I'd be very wary of this man. Sounds like a complete DARVO in this situation and the sort of thing my narcissistic ex would do. Pregnancy/parenthood is often when abused ramps up/becomes obvious.

Quite honestly, he's not showing himself up in a good light here. He tried to interfere with your parking and backed the attendant over you. Then he had a massive sulk and said YOU had ruined the day. He really needs to get a grip about this.

Oh dear, he really is a sensitive little flower isn't he? Let's hope he toughens up a bit before he has to change his first nappy. Or deal with a tantrum that isn't his.

He’d have taken the keys, moved the car, even when it wasn’t actually necessary, then smirked knowingly at the attendant. He’s an ex husband now.

I know! It's clearly not my week 😂

Well as far as I’m concerned, it’s your dh that created the whole situation and made YOU embarrassed in public (hence you started to get grumpy)
You had TWO people on you, criticising your parking when it was absolutely fine. Your dh didn’t trust you to park well even though you did with no issue and was worried ‘youd scratch the wall/car’.

He might need to look at himself in the mirror really. He might have been embarrassed at the attitude of the parking attendant (with good reasons) but the answer was NOT to join in but to tell him it was fine (or at the very least to keep quiet).

His reaction afterwards about that beach would always be tainted by that incident is WAY over the top too.

Like other posters, I’m wondering how he’ll cope once baby is here.
Id keep an eye on his behaviour and nip it in the bud (which you’ve really well btw re still going on your own or telling him to park the car)

Im curious to know what you would have done instead?

I think that handing the keys to him to deal with the parking was an excellent idea as he clearky didn’t think the OP’s ability were up to scratch….

You said what yours would do in the ‘particular situation’ that OP was in. You said,

OP asked what your DH would do after her particular words in the particular situation, mine would take the key, access the situation for the possible damage if it's tight (and OP mentioned the possibilty of it, she wasn't parking in a big open field) and then would calm me down with words or hug.

I think it depends how it was said, it does sound like you were quite passive aggressive with it (not that I blame you I’d probably have done the same in that situation) and something like that can definitely spoil a mood for what should have been a nice day out.

On the drive home he said that that place was always so special to him/us but now he would always associate it with the argument and he didn’t know if he’d ever want to go back.

Sorry but that’s fucking nuts and I’d probably laugh in my DPs face if he said that to me. He sounds massively over sensitive to public perception and he needs to work on this ASAP, what’s he doing to do when he has a screaming 2 year old throwing themselves on the floor in the middle of Tesco?!

It’s hard to comment without knowing the relationship between the two of you. This wouldn’t be an argument in my household and neither of us would give a second thought to it. But regardless, what a massive over reaction!

OP I too get massively flustered by parking, especially when I think people are judging me and it has resulted in a lot of cross words between DP and I, usually me telling him to F off or get out and do it himself. It’s always forgotten once the car is parked and we’ve got out though. DP will usually give me a squeeze and say “are you done sulking now” and then we never mention it again. But that’s the kind of relationship we have and I appreciate everyone’s is different.

once in a while in those situations I’ve gotten flustered and gotten DH to park. He is a worse driver but a much better Parker than I am. We both know that.

yes, after the words you do this and handing him keys

Yes, so I responded that in OPs situation after he caused the problem, if my partner offered me a hug, I’d tell him to piss off.