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Original poster

Partner confessed he’s attracted to younger girls

132 replies

HappyOak · 28/05/2024 11:35

Hi there…
Totally new on here and this is a very difficult one to post… Been with my partner for 8 months,was previously married for 30 years,two grown up children and awaiting divorce.
Super happy in my relationship until recently. I have lung nodules which were discovered recently on a chest scan .. had to have them monitored as there’s a chance they could be cancer .Should find out this week either way so DP took me away for the weekend to try and take my mind off what is a very fraught time .
Had a bit of a row over him checking out young girls in shorts and the next minute he told me he was attracted to young teenagers …when I asked how young he replied 13/14 …Ive never felt more repulsed in my life, I lay on the floor in utter shock and couldn’t speak for what seemed like an eternity …
He also told me he thinks of other girls when we are having sex if he can’t cum .. I’m absolutely broken and cannot function .. this was supposed to be a nice break to take me away from my pending test results and I discover my partner is a pervert .. I was in a loveless sexless marriage for so long and thought I’d hit the jackpot with this guy … he was loving,attentive,warm and generous but I didn’t know him at all .I’ve told him to seek help and that we are over but I’m broken and shocked and just not functioning right now..please help!

OP posts:
Ghotcko · 28/05/2024 12:10

What do posters who keep saying 'so it's on record' think exists? There are no 'records' to be on, the police don't keep records of no crime. Being gross isn't a crime so it wouldn't be 'recorded' anywhere

Sorry, op, horrible horrible thing for you to go through

WayOutOfLine · 28/05/2024 12:11

He doesn't need a computer to access images, I highly doubt a man under 65 doesn't know how to access porn images, be real. He has a smartphone no doubt.

I feel very sorry for you OP, this is a horrible shock, you did the right thing. I would probably report to the police because he admitted 13/14 year olds, but that probably means younger actually as a lot of people will only admit what they think might be just about acceptable BUT I would also know that the chances of them being interested in this is very low, they do not have the resources or the time to follow up every horrid man watching barely legal or even child abuse, the police can't keep up with this now, but I would report for my own peace of mind and to move on, and just in case it did tie in with actual offences or for DBS checks in future.

lemonsaretheonlyfruit · 28/05/2024 12:11

I agree it's repulsive and on ending the relationship- I'm really sorry OP. You must be going through an awful time. but what on earth would reporting his thoughts to the police do? Yes it might lead to uncovering something else (and who doesn't have a laptop these days?) but I'm not sure the police would be able to act on that alone.

WayOutOfLine · 28/05/2024 12:13

I'm so sorry you have been ill and stressed as well, all I can say is thank god you found out. At least you saw him checking out young girls, called him on it and the truth came out. It won't feel good at all right now but you have saved yourself years of pain in this situation. Report to get it off your chest and then keep your family and friends around you.

MariaVT65 · 28/05/2024 12:13

Mumoftwo1312 · 28/05/2024 12:10

Thanks for clarifying that you aren't blaming op. That's just how your comment initially read.

"I couldn't live with myself if I didn't report it" sounded like = "whereas you seem to be condoning it by not reporting it"

Show quote history

Op should absolutely report it. I’m not blaming her for not having report it YET, as of course she is allowed time to digest everything mentally and recover from the shock.

But yeah ….this guy seemed to openly admit to op that he wanks off to young girls as of it was acceptable, so absolutely needs to be reported. As i said before, she has no idea that he doesn’t already have images etc.

pinkfondu · 28/05/2024 12:14

Does he has access to young girls? Maybe a Sarah's law enquiry is a wood idea as well

specialityrasp · 28/05/2024 12:16

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

downthestrada · 28/05/2024 12:21

Is there a chance he doesn't have a computer because he's not allowed one (as in he's already been convicted). There was a guy living on our street like this. He would openly say he's not allowed one.

lovelysunshine22 · 28/05/2024 12:22

What would be the point of her reporting it to the police if he hasn't actually done anything? There is nothing they can do!

cerisepanther73 · 28/05/2024 12:22

@HappyOak

You need to report to your local police force as soon as possible,
about his mindset,

Also at the police station find out if your now ex partner is on the sex offenders register at all,

I wouldn't be susprised if he was ,

If he isn't on the list?

he is very likely to offend sooner or later,

he could have offended 🤔 and has got away with his sexual deviancy crime so far unfortunately,

he really does sound like a paedo,

labracadabras · 28/05/2024 12:23

AnCùDubh · 28/05/2024 11:47

*a paedophile has admitted this to you and your response is to break it off and tell him to get help and start a mumsnet thread

rather than…. go to the police*

Finding them attractive isn't in and of itself illegal.
Acting on it or possessing images is

It needs to be reported to the police

change the locks and block and warn any teenager parents that he has been in contact with eg your niece etc

amylou8 · 28/05/2024 12:24

MoodyMargaret11 · 28/05/2024 11:58

So many nasty people on this thread, and extremely ignorant too!
The OP is still trying to process things, let her be.
Police will do absolutely nothing with this information anyway, even if he already had some kind of record. They will log her call, then an officer will get in touch to tell her that they can't take any action as a crime has not been committed. They will not bother taking his name or "recording" anything on their systems.

Agree with this, thinking about something illegal isn't a crime. The police would do a big fat zero, unless you have kids when you might find social services on your doorstep.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 28/05/2024 12:24

MariaVT65 · 28/05/2024 11:46

Not a chance in hell I wouldn’t report him to the police.

The thought police? He hasn't commit a crime has he?

catlady7 · 28/05/2024 12:26

Report him to the police.

Hope you're okay. X

WayOutOfLine · 28/05/2024 12:26

@lovelysunshine22 when say a DBS check comes in, the police can look at everything, not just recorded crimes or convicted ones, they can also look at reports that came to nothing, or weren't proved and so forth. They can also check him on databases to see if he has done something, Sarah's Law disclosure, in which case this new piece of information can be added.

It's always better to ring the non-emergency number and ask the police- is this something you would like me to report, rather than guess. They will be happy to inform you of what they are/aren't interested in.

You can ask the police whether to report things, this was relevant to the anti-social behaviour thread as well.

Treelichen · 28/05/2024 12:26

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

He has admitted to being attracted to young girls but hasn’t said he has acted in those thoughts. Nothing to report.

Gladtobeout · 28/05/2024 12:27

If he's admitted this to you, I would be wondering why he doesn't have a computer. It's a pretty standard household thing. Has he already got a court order preventing him owning/using internet devices?

lovelysunshine22 · 28/05/2024 12:27

WayOutOfLine · 28/05/2024 12:26

@lovelysunshine22 when say a DBS check comes in, the police can look at everything, not just recorded crimes or convicted ones, they can also look at reports that came to nothing, or weren't proved and so forth. They can also check him on databases to see if he has done something, Sarah's Law disclosure, in which case this new piece of information can be added.

It's always better to ring the non-emergency number and ask the police- is this something you would like me to report, rather than guess. They will be happy to inform you of what they are/aren't interested in.

You can ask the police whether to report things, this was relevant to the anti-social behaviour thread as well.

That's simply not true! A DBS only checks CONVICTIONS and CAUTIONS!

Ioverslept · 28/05/2024 12:30

He may not have a computer but will probably have a phone and a digital trail, report to police even if you think they won't do anything, better safe than sorry. I hope you get over it soon!

Ghotcko · 28/05/2024 12:30

cerisepanther73 · 28/05/2024 12:22

@HappyOak

You need to report to your local police force as soon as possible,
about his mindset,

Also at the police station find out if your now ex partner is on the sex offenders register at all,

I wouldn't be susprised if he was ,

If he isn't on the list?

he is very likely to offend sooner or later,

he could have offended 🤔 and has got away with his sexual deviancy crime so far unfortunately,

he really does sound like a paedo,

Yes and while you're at it report the people who have thought about burglary , car theft, murders etc... But not actually done it.... 👌🏻 You can't report non crimes or thoughts, however horrible they are

FrothyCothy · 28/05/2024 12:30

lovelysunshine22 · 28/05/2024 12:27

That's simply not true! A DBS only checks CONVICTIONS and CAUTIONS!

Show quote history

An enhanced DBS may include what’s called “soft information” held by the police locally which they consider relevant to the disclosure.

Itsnamechange · 28/05/2024 12:30

Gladtobeout · 28/05/2024 12:27

If he's admitted this to you, I would be wondering why he doesn't have a computer. It's a pretty standard household thing. Has he already got a court order preventing him owning/using internet devices?

I’ve not owned a personal computer for many years. Smartphones have replaced computers for many people.

Coshei · 28/05/2024 12:33

cerisepanther73 · 28/05/2024 12:22

@HappyOak

You need to report to your local police force as soon as possible,
about his mindset,

Also at the police station find out if your now ex partner is on the sex offenders register at all,

I wouldn't be susprised if he was ,

If he isn't on the list?

he is very likely to offend sooner or later,

he could have offended 🤔 and has got away with his sexual deviancy crime so far unfortunately,

he really does sound like a paedo,

The OP doesn’t need to do anything of this kind.
He has confessed to thoughts and fantasies, nothing else.

WayOutOfLine · 28/05/2024 12:35

@lovelysunshine22 you are right, a basic check only reveals cautions and convictions, but an enhanced DBS check can have soft information such as previous reporting of people being unsuitable to work with children/vulnerable adults and that does not have to be a crime or caution, that's why enhanced DBS's are used for working with vulnerable groups most often.

Also, you can't 'spend' convictions or cautions for sexual offences so they are never removed from your record over 18.

cerisepanther73 · 28/05/2024 12:43

@Coshei

Well it would still be a good idea for @HappyOak to explore find out with the local police if he could be on sex offenders list 🤔 by any chance,
or and
for to just talk about your concerns to the police so they are aware..

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