I don't know what I'm looking for here. I am sad and need to get it off my chest.
I have an amazing best friend since we grew up next door to each other decades ago. We both have lots of friends, none in common. We don't live in each other's pockets but she has never not been there for me. I really value her opinion and we always have fun together. She is my favourite person to spend time with after DH. In short, I love her.
A few years ago she upended her life and came to stay in our granny flat.
She moved out and lived alone for a few months then quite by chance met a new man. She didn't introduce us saying she wanted to keep life simple. I respected that.
A year passed and we still hadn't met him. Nobody had. Then I had a seemingly chance encounter. I was paying for something when I realised I had forgotten my wallet. I was flustered while explaining to the cafe owner who told me not to worry as he knew me anyway. In the middle of it the boyfriend appeared and introduced himself. He seemed nice, friendly, personable and insisted on paying for my coffee and pastry even though there was no need.
This is where things got strange. My friend contacted me and 'jokingly' said he was annoyed about how I had 'scammed money' out of him for my breakfast. I was a bit thrown but she did an out of character fakw sounding laugh and said not to worry about it then changed the subject before I could respond. It didn't sit well with me at all.
In the months that followed things got stranger. She never came to my house anymore or invited me to hers. Even if I had to drop something over she would give some long convoluted reason why it made sense for her to meet me someplace else. One time when I came to hers with a gift she claimed she had fallen back to sleep but I saw her bedroom curtains twitching.
We would sometimes have plans to meet out and she'd cancel my calls then say she had gone out for the day with boyfriend. Late cancellations aren't an issue in our friendship, she's always fine with it the other way and not demanding at all.
None of these things bothered me, it was the overall picture forming of things being drastically different between us.
Also I started to see a pattern. She wanted to stay living alone but he convinced her he should move in briefly. Then he wasnr leaving. Then he wanted them to move to the countryside and not see his children. Then his children who she didn't want to be introduced to were living with them in her place half the time.
I decided to deal with it head on so said we would really love to meet him. We arranged a meal out in a nice restaurant. We had booked a babysitter and were looking forward to a night out. She messaged a half hour beforehand to say they wouldn't make it and to have a lovely time. No apology or explanation.
Then came The Prank. I don't want to be totally outing but I'll say this -
We have never played pranks in forty years of friendship
The prank wasn't funny. It was cruel and could potentially have damaged my business.
She used her boyfriend's phone.
My DH came home and found me crying hysterically. He lost his temper, phoned her boyfriend, called him a dick head and told him to come ocer and apologised to me. He didn't pick up. She then messaged me and told me to get my DH under control, it was only a joke.
The next day she came to our house. I explained briefly how I felt. She looked distraught. She said I had it all wrong that she never meant to hurt me and that her boyfriend knows how much I mean to her (I believe this and think this is the problem).
Things settled down but I barely see her. I've also noticed she has cut off other friendships entirely. There is always a "I don't have time for their bullshit. Boyfriend said to me I give too much" or similar.
Sorry this has gone on so long but I feel utterly bereft. I think if I broach the subject again she will avoid me entirely. I have since met him twice for five minutes and I have managed a convincing performance of being friendly.
I feel my friend is gone and also that she's in danger. I suspect she also has no time for my DH after he lost his temper.