Sick with nerves about first date tomorrow ..

[doodledandies]

Anxious all day long today.
Would prefer to cancel but I do like what I see and hear so far . It's raining. We're meeting in the morning for breakfast.
What do I even wear ?
I can't cancel now as he's travelling to meet .Help !?

Thanks .
I'm
Wondering if there is something wrong with me .

There’s nothing wrong with you! I know it’s a cliche but you just haven’t met the right person yet - these are the practise runs where you suss out what you like and don’t like in a bloke.

There’s nothing wrong with you! I know it’s a cliche but you just haven’t met the right person yet - these are the practise runs where you suss out what you like and don’t like in a bloke.

Not sure what happened there!

Tediously picking over peoples posts doesn't help the thread at all. You know what she means from context

Exactly what I thought. If a man texted me after a date saying he wasn't sure is the physical chemistry was there I'd be very discouraged and probably feel we should just leave it then! I wouldnt be pursuing a second date.

OP, why on earth did you say that? You said in your previous post you were "very attracted to him" then you say in your message to him that you weren't sure? Seems like you're trying to sabotage things!

You can’t genuinely have thought that your first date in decades would be love at first sight and married happily ever after within the space of a MN thread?

As @Zeberd says, you must expect to go on at least a dozen dates - if not fifty - with no guarantee of meeting someone ‘perfect’. So it may be a good idea to approach it all with less emotional investment?

OO - as someone who has been dating last year or so after nearly 30 years it’s a massive learning curve and it’s the old cliche practice makes perfect. Well not perfect exactly but you definitely get better as you go along.

My first date after so long I was a gibbering wreck. I actually sobbed in the car park before I walked in 🤣

The one piece of advice I’d say is make your post date text far more casual. Yours was too deep and a bit much imo and I’d have been put off. A more genetic ‘thank you for….’ Is sufficient.

Personally id go for someone more local and just a simple coffee or drink - I think food getting the way of the conversation flow.

Good luck - it is a bit of a minefield out there

That's great your date went well.
I would go with what you want to do or your gut instinct.
He can either work to set another date if he is keen.
There are no rules in dating.

We haven't contacted each other at all yesterday which is v unusual. Disappointing. I guess he won't be in contact now ? It was my ' turn'

Honestly, I think you killed it when you texted to analyse the date and stated you weren't sure if there was any chemistry!
If you want to see him again just text and say "Fancy meeting up again?".

I agree. Keep it very light and casual. A simple ‘id like to meet again’ is enough not the in-depth analysis.

So, what other dates do you have lined up, @doodledandies?

Now that you’re back in the game you presumably want to play it with aplomb? Keep moving forward - don’t stall because one person proves disappointing.

For future reference, OP, when a date ends and the guy says, we'll have to do this again, it means, THIS WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.

Don't waste your time wondering. If a second date is not planned and booked during the first date or immediately afterwards, it's not happening.

Eugh I had one like this
He seemed very keen
But then I realised that if I didn't text him he wouldn't text me
So I put it to the test
Haven't heard from him in a year 😂

Don’t be disappointed, this is your first date in 20 years, the dating landscape has changed beyond recognition from 20 years ago and it was harsh then, it’s ten times more tricksy now.
spend time on this board read dating threads, don’t take anything too seriously until a few dates in.
Days/ weeks of online communication means nothing so don’t waste your energy on big shares and heart to hearts.
keep your wits about you

Do cease contact fully now ?

Hi OP, yes block and delete. Don’t wait for him to throw you a few crumbs when he’s feeling bored.

You need to line up 2-3 dates at a time. That way you are not over invested in 1 person. It is a numbers game - but if you are analysing this much and feel you are worthless after 1 date, maybe you need to work on your self esteem before you go online dating.

Is it not harsh to block and delete someone for this????
It was me who finished contact . So don't block and delete a man for not continuing contact despite it being my turn, essentially? Seems extreme, but thanks .

I wouldn’t block personally but I wouldn’t continue to message if there’s very little enthusiasm

You don’t have to block him if you don’t feel he’s done anything wrong, @doodledandies. But that leaves you open to the risk of his messaging you in three weeks because he’s bored. Which is a route you really don’t want to go down if you’re likely to feel grateful for the attention.

There’s a few ways of looking at this. It may be that he’s not that interested and it’s just fizzled out. It may be that the comment you made about not being sure about the physical chemistry may made him think you didn’t fancy him, so he’s pulled back. The block and delete seems a bit unecessary, nobody has done anything wrong here. If you want to be certain, you can message and ask if he fancied meeting again. Keep it casual though. Be prepared that he may not want to and so only do it if you can handle that disappointment. But at least you will know either way.

I agree with all of this!

He may be left thinking you’re not interested and doesn’t want to bother you.
I wouldn’t block and delete him, I would leave it open as he hasn’t done anything wrong.
If you like him then I’d message and ask if he wanted to meet up again. If he doesn’t reply then you know where you stand.

I'm wondering were the analysing questions too much and he felt a bit of pressure?

I think so. He didn't do pressure!!! Didn't see the need to rush into meeting after three weeks etc. I ruined it fir myself