Sick with nerves about first date tomorrow ..

[doodledandies]

Anxious all day long today.
Would prefer to cancel but I do like what I see and hear so far . It's raining. We're meeting in the morning for breakfast.
What do I even wear ?
I can't cancel now as he's travelling to meet .Help !?

If he's interested you'll hear within 24hrs at the most, super keen men will message when you soon as you get home that they want to see you again , take whatever they say on the actual date as a pinch of salt, if they're not messaging then they are not interested.

No, don’t do that. I know it’s 2024 etc etc but if he’s keen he’ll get in touch soon - and then you can decide if you like him enough to see him again.

Yes, message to thank him for a great date! It sounds as though he’s been really kind and considerate

Gosh I really don't know what to do now!!!

Of course you message! He made the effort to come to you and buy breakfast, so it’s only polite to message him. Hate all the game playing you get on here.

“Hey, thank you so much for making the effort to come over to me this morning, I had a really lovely time. I’d like to return the favour and buy you lunch over your way some time soon”.

This

Did you not say thank you when he bought you breakfast and tell him you had a nice time (or words to that effect) when you were talking?

Don’t suggest lunch. If I were you I would just wait now and see if he contacts you - the interested man will, the neutral and uninterested won’t.

But according to my husband. If the woman doesn't message he could think she's not interested in him.

I sent my now husband 3 messages in a row after our date, mentioning different things ...he was driving home...he messaged when he got home and then again in the morning. Decent guys don't care if you message first...if they're interested,they're interested.

I agree. DH made sure he had a date lined up before we said cheerio the first night we met - he wouldn’t have left it till the next day before messaging me, I wouldn’t even had to wonder about messaging him (well, phoning - it was years ago!). DS1 and DD are in their 20s and the blokes are still doing the first message if they’re really keen. It’s fine to message him, of course it is, but he won’t need a nudge if he’s v keen.

What game playing nonsense it’s 2024, of the course the OP needs to message and show at least some kind of interest

Personally I would have sent a thank you text within an hour or so of arriving home after the date not leaving it until the evening. Its just the polite thing to do even if you’re not interested in seeing them again

Ditto. I had a guy I was chatting to ask me to meet him at 10am fur first date - I thought he was joking!! I can barely grunt before midday - a breakfast date is literally my worst nightmare.

If you want to see him again then send a text. If not then don't. Don't play games. Honestly you're 40ish I assume if you've not dated for 20 years, so crack on.

I had a date and messaged him and now we live together and hope to marry etc in the future.

What's the point in game playing? Be honest. Tell him that you are interested in a second date. If he doesn't reply then so what. Move on.

Hope it goes well.

Oh for goodness sake just send a message saying it was lovely to meet, thanks again for breakfast and let's do it again sometime? If he says no then it's his loss. If he says yes then all is good.

You would message any friend who had travelled that distance to see you, wouldn't you? It's just good manners.

"Hi David,

Great meet yesterday, hope you had a safe journey back.

Would absolutely love to do again some time, so do let me know if you are around and up for this.

Xx"

If it was a first physical meet (online) he may have not felt the chemistry...that's often true from both sides. So don't worry or take it personally if this may have happened. You'll never see him again no one cares.

I think clearly indicating interest without arranging is the way to go...wouldn't get caught up in endless vague chat, or offering to pay or not pay - just let him know you liked him enough so are up for meeting and leave the ball in his court.

(This sounds a bit cynical but have you done all the checks if he travelled down that he's not married or partnered up at home...Agree morning date sounds fun, but just wondered if he did it because it sounds like a work meet?)

Glad you enjoyed yourself, hopefully he'll be in contact soon

I'm imagining you've already thanked him (when you were with him)

I know this isn't very MN-tty nor is it very 2024.....but I have always let the guy do the running for the 2nd date.

If he's into you he'll contact you within 3 days. If he doesn't contact within that time I'd write him off

I appreciate this isn't everyone's take, but it's mine 🙂

Agree, if he’s keen you will hear from him soon, you don’t need to send a text.
My DH text me on his way home from our first date. It hadn’t even been half an hour.
I’m glad you had a wonderful time, I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you.

I agree. Though as always on MN having basic manners is dressed up as ‘chasing a man’ and ‘looking desperate’

This man travelled up meet her and bought her breakfast - sending a thank you message us absolutely basic good manners. Not to do so is rude regardless of whether she’s interested or not.

But this isn’t a friendship - and I presume she thanked him on the actual date.

Yes, text to say thank you. And suggest another meet-up, with a date and suggestion of what to do. E.g. “I’m free next weekend, either Saturday or Sunday, would you like to meet for lunch?” Rather than a vague, ‘I’d love to see you again sometime.’

Honest and straightforward communication is the best.

And well done on being brave! It’s really tricky to do after being in a long-term relationship. Nerves are totally understandable, but you did it!

I text and thanked him. Asked him if he thought it went well.. He replied and said well we chatted non stop for hours and you are great company . We then had a casual exchange about our afternoons and evening and acknowledged that we were very compatible but that we didn't know if we were compatible in the physical sense as we hadn't kissed etc. There were then jokey comments about the height difference between us so kissing wasn't an option etc. I finished the conversation by saying it was hard to know if there was that chemistry there despite the compatibility in other ways and I expect he will reply to that later today .
That will tell me whether he's interested or not .
He was v complimentary about my personality and physically so perhaps I'm overthinking this ?
I do know he likes to move at snails pace in the dating area. He has been upfront about that.