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Original poster

Sick with nerves about first date tomorrow ..

151 replies

doodledandies · 25/05/2024 15:14

Anxious all day long today.
Would prefer to cancel but I do like what I see and hear so far . It's raining. We're meeting in the morning for breakfast.
What do I even wear ?
I can't cancel now as he's travelling to meet .Help !?

OP posts:
Weirdle · 27/05/2024 10:26

And through all that exchange he didn’t attempt to arrange another date?

I think that’s your answer.

SamW98 · 27/05/2024 10:31

@doodledandies

Sounds positive and you’ve had a bit of back and forth communication which is good. It does seem a little bit much straight after only one date. Keeping it more light and casual is probably better going forward.

Fingers crossed you get a response from him later today.

Goodluckanddontfitup · 27/05/2024 10:32

doodledandies · 27/05/2024 10:20

I text and thanked him. Asked him if he thought it went well.. He replied and said well we chatted non stop for hours and you are great company . We then had a casual exchange about our afternoons and evening and acknowledged that we were very compatible but that we didn't know if we were compatible in the physical sense as we hadn't kissed etc. There were then jokey comments about the height difference between us so kissing wasn't an option etc. I finished the conversation by saying it was hard to know if there was that chemistry there despite the compatibility in other ways and I expect he will reply to that later today .
That will tell me whether he's interested or not .
He was v complimentary about my personality and physically so perhaps I'm overthinking this ?
I do know he likes to move at snails pace in the dating area. He has been upfront about that.

I’m glad your date went well. The text exchange afterwards feels a little bit much, and over analytical of a first coffee date. My advice would me not to put so
much pressure on analysing things at this point and just keep it casual and enjoy it for what it is. If he messages again for another date great, if not, no worries, you’ve got that first date out the way now and so hopefully won’t be so nervous when the next guy asks :)

Opentooffers · 27/05/2024 10:36

Does he live 2.5 hours away from you? I'd say its probably pointless to start a LDR when there is no need to, with all the added angst that leads to, it's just unnecessary.
Not even a peck on the cheek? Did you do a goodbye hug, or just shake hands? Sounds a tad of an awkward end and maybe that's your clue? It seems he's being polite but not enthusiastic, I'd guess this will probably fade out.

Seaoftroubles · 27/05/2024 13:03

I think if he didn't arrange another date you have your answer OP. Also the distance would make dating tricky anyway. Onwards and upwards though, hopefully you won't be so nervous next time!

Hiddenvoice · 27/05/2024 13:07

I think messaging him was a good idea but maybe you both put too much emphasis on compatibility, sometimes you only really know when you meet up in person more.
Plus I’m a petite, under 5 fr and dated quite a few men over 6ft- not too difficult to kiss really 😂

I think the best thing to do is ask if he would like to meet up again and this time suggest meeting g somewhere halfway so you’re both travelling to meet up.

SamW98 · 27/05/2024 13:20

I don’t agree with those saying if he didn’t mention a second date straight away then he’s not interested.

Let the chat flow for another day or so and see how it goes. I’ve very rarely expected a second date to be arranged immediately after the first. The subject comes up naturally within a day or two

Wordless · 27/05/2024 13:44

Hmm … Unless he’s very strongly attracted to the OP this man is unlikely to want to bother travelling again if they can just chat at a distance, surely?

Everything he’s said in their subsequent conversation has sounded polite and non-committal - not smitten and in haste.

Also what he told the OP beforehand about liking to move at snails pace just sounds like teaching her to have low expectations of him. It means he might arrange one date a month while seeing other people …

Of course, I could be wrong!

AnnieSF · 28/05/2024 00:37

I think that while it was good to text I would say you went overboard on the analysis of it all. I don't think there are many men who would like to be put on the spot though like that after one coffee. I've had a man say no attraction straight after a date and I've had one who messaged me to arrange again in less than 10 mins after we parted. We're now married.

Biotinbooster · 28/05/2024 00:54

Great you messaged first, agree it might have been a bit too analytical asking what he thought about compatibility.

Idk, first physical meet and saying I was great company and we chatted for a long time feels a bit of a brush-off?

Maybe friends if you want to stay in touch or visit each others cities.

I can't imagine a guy who fancied me just talking about the chemistry, I think either men see it in first five minutes or they don't, or they'd be open to say how attractive I was and when could we meet so they could escalate.

Especially if it was the first in-person meeting.

(But then again I do need to go a bit more slow burn physically with my own dating, so I hope I'm wrong! If it's meant to happen it will).

Pinkjarblujar · 28/05/2024 10:06

Which one of you started the conversation about the physical attraction?

It sounds a bit discouraging from you to say that you don't know if it was there or not. He's not going to feel very desired.

SmallGreens · 28/05/2024 11:22

I'd run a mile if I got the third degree like that right after a date!

SamW98 · 28/05/2024 11:23

Pinkjarblujar · 28/05/2024 10:06

Which one of you started the conversation about the physical attraction?

It sounds a bit discouraging from you to say that you don't know if it was there or not. He's not going to feel very desired.

I agree. It’s far too much after 1 date.

Starlight1979 · 28/05/2024 11:45

Asked him if he thought it went well.. He replied and said well we chatted non stop for hours and you are great company . We then had a casual exchange about our afternoons and evening and acknowledged that we were very compatible but that we didn't know if we were compatible in the physical sense as we hadn't kissed etc. There were then jokey comments about the height difference between us so kissing wasn't an option etc. I finished the conversation by saying it was hard to know if there was that chemistry there despite the compatibility in other ways and I expect he will reply to that later today.

Wow, this is all very intense after one coffee date!

LoveStories · 28/05/2024 11:59

doodledandies · 27/05/2024 10:20

I text and thanked him. Asked him if he thought it went well.. He replied and said well we chatted non stop for hours and you are great company . We then had a casual exchange about our afternoons and evening and acknowledged that we were very compatible but that we didn't know if we were compatible in the physical sense as we hadn't kissed etc. There were then jokey comments about the height difference between us so kissing wasn't an option etc. I finished the conversation by saying it was hard to know if there was that chemistry there despite the compatibility in other ways and I expect he will reply to that later today .
That will tell me whether he's interested or not .
He was v complimentary about my personality and physically so perhaps I'm overthinking this ?
I do know he likes to move at snails pace in the dating area. He has been upfront about that.

I know you said you've been out of the dating game for decades, OP, but I can only assume you were actively trying to sabotage the situation because it wasn't really working for you.

Maybe in future see people later in the day, and choose more local men to take the pressure off. A breakfast first date when one person has travelled for 2.5 hours is really not the ideal start. And if you want to do post-date analysis of attraction etc, that's what your friends are for. Don't do it with the date!

PremiumListing · 28/05/2024 15:15

Wordless · 27/05/2024 13:44

Hmm … Unless he’s very strongly attracted to the OP this man is unlikely to want to bother travelling again if they can just chat at a distance, surely?

Everything he’s said in their subsequent conversation has sounded polite and non-committal - not smitten and in haste.

Also what he told the OP beforehand about liking to move at snails pace just sounds like teaching her to have low expectations of him. It means he might arrange one date a month while seeing other people …

Of course, I could be wrong!

Agreed.

I think you’ve come in a bit hot and heavy too early and he’s warning you he’s not up for that.

A man who’s talking about a “snails pace” would be a red flag for me, to me it means, here’s your back burner to sit on, and I may or may not bring you forward when I’m at a loose end, or while I’m having my cake and eating it too.

Do not become too attached without any assurances.

Liliee · 28/05/2024 16:00

I do know he likes to move at snails pace in the dating area. He has been upfront about that.

Hmm, is he preparing you for breadcrumbing?

PremiumListing · 28/05/2024 16:03

Liliee · 28/05/2024 16:00

I do know he likes to move at snails pace in the dating area. He has been upfront about that.

Hmm, is he preparing you for breadcrumbing?

Succinctly well put.

Chickoletta · 28/05/2024 16:07

Have you heard any more from him @doodledandies? Update please!

Stargazing24 · 28/05/2024 16:10

I also think you analysed the attraction and compatibility a bit much. You have only met once! Go with the flow and see how it goes in another date or two.

SheepAndSword · 28/05/2024 22:32

@doodledandies have you heard from him again?

Original poster
doodledandies · 28/05/2024 22:40

Hello again. We text over and back throughout the day yesterday.. flirty and just normal stuff. He never suggested another date and nor did I.

He text me last night , a generic response to a photo of mutual interest that I had sent. I didn't bother to acknowledge it and neither of us has exchanged any message today.
Guess I have my answer.
If he had wanted to , he would have .

Good lesson for me not to be so intense in the future also.

OP posts:
SheepAndSword · 29/05/2024 00:08

@doodledandies it doesn't sound like you're quite ready; at least you enjoyed the meetup though

namechangefandango · 29/05/2024 00:19

I think for your first (re)foray into dating you’d be better off meeting someone closer geographically.
unless you’re not sure if you’re ready yet hence looking a safe distance away?
if there’s no spark on a first date which is long distance then there’s unlikely to be any follow up, especially after the long back and forth about compatibility.
meet someone closer next time and good luck.

Zeberd · 29/05/2024 07:42

Dating someone who lives 2.5 hrs away isn’t going to work anyway. Good experience and lower expectations. You probably need to date 10-20 men before you find a really compatible one.