Anyone been in a situation like this? Missing person

[imuseless]

My son (early 20s, ASD) has been missing since May 1st in a different Country. UK police are involved and they got the police in the other Country involved and also interpol. Police there have been checking hospitals, police stations, homeless shelters, john does.. Police here in the UK have been checking ferries, flights etc, trying to see if he has re entered the UK or gone on to another Country etc.

His phone has been off since May 2nd, Zero posts on social media, no reply to any messages, voice mails or anything else, He didn't contact me to wish me a happy birthday a few weeks ago which is when I knew for sure something was wrong, Not even sure if his phone is off, dead, stolen or if he's taken his sim card out. Nobody in our family and none of his friends have seen or heard from him in any way what so ever. Because of the ASD he is the type of person that messages me constantly throughout the day (and tells me absolutely everything if I want to know or not!), All day every day 'Mum I'm awake now, I'm going to do such a thing now' etc so I know something bad has happened. There is no way he would ever go this long without contacting someone, He wouldn't even go one hour.

I'm preparing to fly out, I'm not sure if that is even a good idea or if I should stay here in case he makes it home. Not even sure where in the other Country he is, would only be guessing on my part. We have no connection to the other Country at all, No family there, no friends, never been before etc.

Nobody even knew he had left, nobody knew he was going in the first place. First I knew he had left the Country was the one post he made saying he had arrived with a selfie then nothing at all since.

He is ASD and would be classed as very vunerable and very easily led, If you were to tell him there is a tunnel at the end of your garden that takes you to Spain he would believe you and ask if he could go to Spain with you.. All the things that would be obvious to me like going into a police station, a hospital, a library, try to find an internet cafe to ask for help etc he wouldn't think to do..

Not slept for days, not eaten for days, can't think straight, my mind keeps wandering to all sorts of bad things, I can't think of a single good reason he wouldn't have been in contact in some way by now, I feel absolutely useless, unsettled and have a constant horrible feeling in my stomach that won't go away, I'm literally waiting for my phone to ring with some news, good or bad. I have no idea what to do. Anyone else have experience with a missing person? Did it turn out ok?

Not sure if I'm looking for advice or if I just need to get this all down out of my head.

I have no advice but I didn’t want to read and run.
Maybe he has genuinely lost his phone and (assuming from your description of his ASD) just hasn’t figured out another way to contact you?
Do you know why he went? Was he meeting someone?

I have no idea what to suggest really, but offer a huge handhold

Oh OP, how massively stressful for you. I think I'd go out there, just to try to do 'something' Could he be lost? Could some sort of social media campaign in the country he's in help? For example, if it was Thailand, is there something that backpackers use out there that you could circulate his details on?

Omw @imuseless this is horrific for you.

Would you want to name the country? There are MN all over the world, and maybe just maybe someone is on here who you could reach out to for some help once you get there.

I am hoping that you get some news asap from the police.

Have you contacted the Lucie Blackman trust? They're a charity that can provide help in these situations.

I am sorry OP I have no practical advice, but I couldn't read your post and not offer support. If you do travel over, will you be going with someone?

I'm sure this has been checked but has he used his bank are there any transactions showing that could give you a clue of where he is?

Has he used credit or debit cards? If so is there cctv that proves it was or wasn't him? He wasn't talking to you every hour or less while he was deciding and leaving the country or when he arrived, does that suggest he was with someone? How did he leave the country, plane, boat, channel tunnel, car? Is there cctv of him leaving and was he alone?

OP I don't have anything useful to advise but I just wanted to say I'm so sorry, you must be frantic. I hope some of the posters on here have some useful information that might help you.

OP I'm so sorry you're going through this.

MN usually wants the media to fuck off. But in this case, if you're open to it, it might be your best bet. If you can get the story out there you might get information back.

Is there any way you can access his social media accounts to see if he was encouraged to travel abroad in the first place by someone online? Or can/are the police doing that through official channels?

A close relative of mine went missing for 2 weeks when they were in their early 20s. They are autistic but this was undiagnosed at the time.

They'd had a huge mental health breakdown with psychosis.

They needed lots of time, medication and treatment to recover. But they did recover. Their mental health has been strong for years now and they have a good life (job, friends, house, pets, hobbies).

I'm sending you so much love and strength OP.

I know someone whose son did this - similar age and with ASD. Pre social media or mobile phone age but he just disappeared one day. The father hired a private investigator to find him, which he did in the USA. The father didn't make contact, as it was clear the son wanted to disappear, but he was at least reassured that he was safe and it was a choice, as hard as that was to accept. He had a job and a pla e to live etc. He did return years later and they rebuilt a relationship.

Fingers crossed that your DS has made a similar decision and is safe.

It's Poland

Can you set up a FB Page for him? A missing page? Get people to share. The Gabby Petito family highlighted how useful this was for them.

Hopefully you have a happy ending.

I had a nephew go missing, and I subsequently worked for a lowland search team so a little - long ago - experience.

The local police should check everything that the Uk police can check. You don't say which country and I'm not going to speculate but obviously, sometimes it is helpful having someone in country to chase the local police up and make sure they continue their investigations.

Depending on country, may be helpful to have a man do that. Someone tactful but persistent.

The UK police should also advise you on next moves, and provide relevant contacts in that country.

Your most important role is to put yourself wherever your ds can contact you most easily - would he call your home phone or your mobile? Who would he contact via social media? Does he have specific friends or siblings? Did he mention anything in his last messages, new friends or places he intended to visit? Where he was staying. The local police should be able to give you info (via the UK police) of the last mobile phone pings - time, date, location.

I hope he turns up. My nephew did, so it does happen, and more often than you may think. Good luck.

How terribly stressful for you. It's hard to say whether he's come to harm or not, but is the British consulate involved? If police etc are finding no evidence he's in hospital etc that's a good sign I think? You say you dk exactly where he is so is he still definitely even in that country?
Would he have gone there to follow someone? Maybe put out a plea on social media for him or anyone who's seen him to get in touch.
Please try not to think the worst. It's different I know but when I went travelling abroad in my early 20sI barely kept much contact with my mum back home. Just so busy exploring and getting enveloped in the experience.
Hopefully it will be nothing more than that.

Could we ask why he was travelling? Was he planning on meeting a girlfrienf/boyfriend/friend?

we have no idea, no clue he was even going, he didn't tell anyone at all he was going, he posted a selfie in Poland the day he arrived there then nothing at all since.

So sorry you're going through this and I hope it all works out and he's found safe.

If it's any consolation my brother used to do this all the time. Goes off without telling anyone, loses his phone, doesn't bother to update socials etc and then will just stroll in through the door a few weeks later as if nothing has happened.

Forgot to say we have been to my sons home and he has left all his lights on, windows open, and left his pets behind with no food or water.. his neighbour had been feeding them and now the RSPCA have stepped in.

Does he have any connection to Poland?

no

One thing you can do OP is to set up your phone to automatically accept reverse charge calls from his phone. Or possibly autoaccept reverse charges on any call from Poland. Talk to your provider and ask what they can do to help you. Suggest it to the UK police and see what they say.

That way if he's run out of credit he can always ring or text. Putting credit on his phone may not be a good idea in case it has been stolen.

Missing People are very helpful.

Not sure if you want to but going to the media may help get his name out. There are also lots of podcasts now very popular with listeners on missing persons cases which may be another way to get the story out.

I am so so sorry. Please keep us updated. Thinking of you.