How would you feel if your DP told you that the body type he's most attracted to isn't yours?

[Deargodletitgo]

This came up in conversation yesterday, that his ultimate fantasy would be with a woman who isn't quite the way I look (although I'm very much on the same spectrum but not to the degree he finds an ultimate turn on). Saying that, he wouldn't want a relationship as such with someone who looks like that apparently, and he does find me very attractive apparently and we have been very happy....

But since this admission from him I'm just feeling a bit crap I suppose. I don't tend to look at other men, whereas apparently he sure someone the other day and thought she was his ideal. I didn't need to know that at all.

Are you trying to tell me men carefully select, enjoy and would be willing to show everyone everything they've ever wanked over?

We all know men are weird, no point making OP think she has an issue when men can barely control where they put it.

I suspect that most men secretly want someone who doesn't look like their partner. They want what they haven't already got. They're fickle like that.

Surprised he said it though!

You shouldn't have to feel this bad for a hypothetical fantasy in a long sexual fantasy conversation.
He wasn't his finest, that is correct but you should be able to shake it quickly and the comment is not worthy of a five minutes though. I think, and you said this, that because your ex make you feel very uncomfortable about your body there is something underlying that made you react this way. Fair enough, remember this you are gorgeous.
I'm single now, none of my exes was my preferred imaginary manly body type and I love them to bits. I even stay 10 years and have a kid with the last one. The relationship broke because he was a man child not because I like other types of bodies.

That's what I think. There's our so-called ideal, then there's reality. In reality having a perfect body doesn't matter a jot.

Am I the only one who doesn't fancy celebs or have an ideal?
I only ever feel a pang of attraction when I've interacted with a real life person and their personality vibes with mine.
It's both men and women that do this though. I'm always hearing women drool over famous men.
It DEFINITELY shouldn't ever be said to a partner. What a way to create insecurities

So I sent him a message last night as we don't live together. And he apologized and said he's completely into me. But then followed up with "but how can I be honest with you if I'm afraid you'll take it the wrong way or be offended"

I'm going have to explain to him that there's different kinds of honesty and some things, especially things that can't be changed about the other person and don't impact the relationship don't need to be shared. Being honest isn't an excuse to be insensitive

Being honest isn't an excuse to be insensitive

Exactly, and being honest in a relationship really doesn't mean you have to share every fuckwit thought that comes into your brain.

So he's not sorry

He's sorry but it's your fault for being too sensitive

He's sorry but it's your fault for being easily offended

He's sorry but it's your fault for taking it the wrong way

He's sorry but he's not sorry he's just saying that in the hope it fixes the problem without him having to take any real accountability

I'm certain I don't have the body type my DH loves. He likes big boobs and mine are small! However, he'd never tell me this and I wouldn't tell him either, if I felt the same way. What was the point of your DH telling you? What did he think it would achieve?

He was being real and honest on body type. I think you are being a tad unreasonable expecting dishonesty and ego stroking flattery.

Why would you think you can compete with a fantasy body type for a woman?

No one matches a fantasy man or woman. My DH isn’t my fantasy man, I am not his fantasy woman (I am not tall enough), we are instead real, complex, and fallible humans.

It is a sign of maturity to not value body type (appearances) over the inner person when it comes to love and relationships. Appearances fade over time anyway- age is the great destroyer of bodies and looks.

But what about the celebrity passes many couples have? (We do)

OP can set the boundary of none of these comments re fantasy woman as she finds them insensitive and hurtful, but similarly her DP can decide if that is a deal breaker for him.

Neither is wrong per se. It could simply be an incompatibility.

@SummerFeverVenice I guess if both people in the relationship are genuinely okay with it then that's fine.

Mine came home from an evening out with another couple and came in the bedroom to declare she was " fit as fuck"
He didn't get any sex that night and anytime after.
He's a long forgotten ex.

Wow what do they expect from this? Instant uncontrollable arousal and a promise to try and look like that person? Nah fuck off twat

My boyfriend when I was 17yo told me this. I was a super slim size 6 and he liked curvy girls, apparently. It was really crap for my self esteem, which, until then, had been pretty decent. We’d only been together a few months, I would feel very differently about it had he been more mature and it was a long term relationship.