How would you feel if your DP told you that the body type he's most attracted to isn't yours?

[Deargodletitgo]

This came up in conversation yesterday, that his ultimate fantasy would be with a woman who isn't quite the way I look (although I'm very much on the same spectrum but not to the degree he finds an ultimate turn on). Saying that, he wouldn't want a relationship as such with someone who looks like that apparently, and he does find me very attractive apparently and we have been very happy....

But since this admission from him I'm just feeling a bit crap I suppose. I don't tend to look at other men, whereas apparently he sure someone the other day and thought she was his ideal. I didn't need to know that at all.

@MrsJackThornton I did think about this briefly, but he's very much not a feeder, been very supportive when I have said I want to go to the gym, get fitter. And I certainly have no plans to gain weight, I have gained a little over the last year or two and was ironically wondering if he had noticed and would go off me !

I expect I am overthinking this to some degree, but as with many of the other women have shared in this thread, I think once you have been in relationship previously where you were made to feel not enough, you become hyper sensitive to things.

Yeah. My idea bloke is blond and blue eyed. My OH has dark hair and brown eyes. He teased he's not going to dye his hair and use coloured contacts to become that lol.

What are you saying he fancies morbidly obese women? That’s his ideal sexual body type?

that you’re over weight and he’s told he likes women even bigger?

Sadly many men do constantly rank, categorise, assess.. gross isn't it.
I went out with a man with autism and I loved many of his quirks. I did not love his matter of fact blunt statements about myself.

I think it’s fine to think about other men/women and find them attractive.

We’re all human and sometimes certain people just make us feel a certain way.

But you never tell your partner this and I’d like to know his reasons for thinking it was ever ok.

I wonder if you had said something about a man who was really tall or a different race, how it would make him feel.

It's an element. But it's not the reason. Or it shouldn't be.

It can be the key element people get together, and often is.

"I have always fancied Vincent Cassel."

"I have always fancied Vincent too."

@Deargodletitgo@PlainCake

Now this just goes to show how peoples opinions differ (and thank God we're not all the same) but IMO Vincent Cassel is very physically unattractive.

Looks (to me) like a deep sea fish that's been left in the sun too long (with big bulbous eyes.) And the fact that he has girlfriends 30+ years younger than him makes my skin crawl.

Ditto Henry Cavill ... Really unappealing to me ... Square face, and a thick neck, and a stocky build. I have heard some women say they fancy Benedict Cumberbatch too, and I think WTAF? 😆 He looks like a lizard (to me.)

Each to their own!

I'd tell him your ideal man comes with a bigger penis and a talented tongue, but we can't always get what we want. Such is life.

Ah see that's where you are wrong... Benedict looks like an otter. Google it 🤣

The difference with saying oh Megan fox is hot, to look at that girl over there she's my type is completely different.
How would he feel if you said yeah I love you but body wise you aren't my type I bet that would hurt his ego.. I think his comments are heartless even seemingly cruel. Why would you want your partner to feel like that. Maybe I'm different but that would hurt me big time.

Well, my husband wouldn't and never has done.
No reason for that, either.
I'd feel crap and probably leave, tbh. I got my own assets and am child free.
My husband isn't the ideal man I'd fancy either, after 20 years, just by the way.
Your partner - I wouldn't wipe a shoe over.
Suppose it's good it's just a "partner" so far.
Sorry.

Unfortunately some (and I'm gonna stick my neck out and say it's always mostly men that do this.

I once overhead my MC mid-thirties male partner take part in a conversation with his colleagues basically rating all the women at work terms of fuckability. Nice.
I was very shocked and sad about this because I genuinely didn't think my ex was like that.

This is silly.

It sounds like you pinned him down to admit that he fancied a non existent person who doesn't look exactly like you.

My DH's ideal woman is Gillian Anderson. I couldn't look less like her if I tried.

And you have been encouraged to LTB and your DH has been name called on this thread as a result.

Come on. See sense.

This! My ex husband said he likes redheads with athletic frames. I am dark haired dark eyed with hourglass figure.
We divorced! he is with an athletic redhead now. 😬

A pointless and rude “conversation” to have with your partner. IQ at about 78 I’m guessing. Or so superficial it’s dizzying. I’d be wondering what we actually had in common, if anything to be blabbing this nonsense at me.

Worse still, it sounds like a deliberate put down. For whatever reason. I’d not be bothering having sex with such an arrogant fool again.

I knew it would be very large. Because that's the one they always think it's OK to tell you about. They desire women with this body shape but equally think they're 'undesirable' so it's OK to admit to it, because you won't feel undermined by a very large woman, they're just confessing an embarrassing shameful secret. It's all sorts of wrong. Not the fantasy, but the attitude to larger women that prompts the 'confession' and prevents them owning it and dating a larger woman.

😆

There seems to be quite a number of people with partners who are not their ideal! 😬 I wonder why. Why do so many people end up with a person who looks physically like someone they never desired?

My ideal man was dark, dusky, dark brown hair, tall and gangly, and slim, with blue eyes.

DH is as white as the driven snow, with mousy blonde hair, a bit freckly, 5 ft 9, a bit chubby, (though he was slim when we met,) and not remotely dusky! 😆 (He does have blue eyes though!)

Weirdly though, as we have aged (both mid 50s now) he is starting to look quite a bit like my dad at that age. I did hear once that women, deep down, end up going for someone who reminds them of their dad!

Also, DH's crushes as a young lad were Lynda Carter, Jane Seymour, and Linda Lusardi. Dark, dusky women. Yet he got me - short-ish, curvy, and blonde. Although, he has always liked Kylie Minogue and Kim Wilde too, and I do bear a slight resemblance to them!

It sounds like you pinned him down to admit that he fancied a non existent person who doesn't look exactly like you.

Can you quote where the OP has said or intimated that please?

Yeah this is ridiculous behaviour from him - I've dated one like it. Absolutely obsessed with petite/skinny brunette influencers when at the time I was blonde and curvaceous (pear shaped, weight training kinda frame).

It's really inconsiderate of your feelings - like 'oh this is my absolute ideal.. which you will never match up to. Have fun with that information'.

Get rid. I did and my current guy just will never pass comment.. I don't think I could even waterboard a celebrity crush out of him! You don't need to put up with a man saying things that make you insecure

There seems to be quite a number of people with partners who are not their ideal! 😬 I wonder why. Why do so many people end up with a person who looks physically like someone they never desired?

Because what a person looks like is nowhere near the most important thing about them, for a long term relationship.

It might be flattering to "be asked out by the most attractive boy in your school", but that little boost to your self esteem can only last so long (probably one date) and after that, their personality, kindness (or lack of it), respect for you (or lack of it), sense of humour, drive and ambition (or lack of it), desire to want to do similar things with their time that you do (or lack of it), political and religious beliefs if either of you feel strongly, views towards fairness and treatment of other people, attitudes to people who are different from you, intelligence, the way they interact with your family, and so, so much more become more important than that little endorphin hit when asked out.

Well my DH knows I drool over the bodies of Chris Hemsworth, The Rock and many other exceptionally muscular men were as my DH has more of an DJ Qualls physique. He’s not offended just like im not offended he loves a figure like Taylor Swift not a candidate for the Rolly Polly’s.

And here we have today’s offering of ‘total shite made up by bitter poster‘

I find it weird when people have 'types'

I've been asked this question by men a few times - 'what's your type?' and I honestly don't know how to answer this. I either find someone attractive or I don't. There are certain things that I might find unattractive, but there isn't a specific set of characteristics that I specifically look for.