How would you feel if your DP told you that the body type he's most attracted to isn't yours?

[Deargodletitgo]

This came up in conversation yesterday, that his ultimate fantasy would be with a woman who isn't quite the way I look (although I'm very much on the same spectrum but not to the degree he finds an ultimate turn on). Saying that, he wouldn't want a relationship as such with someone who looks like that apparently, and he does find me very attractive apparently and we have been very happy....

But since this admission from him I'm just feeling a bit crap I suppose. I don't tend to look at other men, whereas apparently he sure someone the other day and thought she was his ideal. I didn't need to know that at all.

When I was younger, my ideal man was over 6', slim, dark hair and eyes. I married a short, stocky, blue eyed blonde. Since then, I have found myself drawn to men who look far more like who I am with rather than the fantasy ideal. Because it was never about what he looked like, it was about how I felt with him, and people who physically remind me of him are more likely to evoke a positive response.

I would feel insecure and less valued if my partner said this to me. I'm sorry yours felt it was acceptable; he's an idiot.

Sorry, am I understanding right, he has an ideal body type in a woman he’d like to fuck, but wouldn’t want a relationship with a woman who had such a body type? So he’s classed those women as only good for sex? How fucking repulsive and misogynistic, that on top of how insulting it is to you,

Truth is, he probably knows he is punching above his weight with you, so he is trying to bring down your self esteem.

How would I feel? Insecure, which is probably the intention

He probably does find you attractive and you’re blowing this massively out of proportion.

Did you tell him what your fantasy body type is?

Some of the replies on here are bonkers 😂😂

This. I would instantly find my DP less attractive - stupidity is a big turn off.

Going against the grain here, but I know full well I'm no one's ideal fantasy woman. I don't want DH to lie and tell me that I am. It's enough that he does find me attractive and values my other qualities and wants to be with me.

I think the fact that you don't say it about men means its not ok, you need to tell him. I think its a bit OTT to expect you are your partners "ideal" unless you are a bombshell tbh.

DH likes Salma Hayek (I'm tallish and quite straight) and I like Jason Momoa (he's average height and slim) so we are very not bothered. We know we fancy each other too.

x posted with @redskydarknight totally agree

This depends totally on how the conversation came up, and how you usually speak to each other.

I can imagine ways the convo may have gone that would be cruel and disrespectful, and others that are just grown ups talking grown-uply (indeed, trustingly and respectfully).

To be anyone's 'ultimate fantasy' and 'ultimate turn-on' in any particular dimension is quite a tall order.

I'm not sure I'd have ever dated anyone if I required that of them.

Unless we are supermodels (how many of us are?), why would we set that as the bar for feeling respected?

He’s an idiot to have expressed it like that but it’s pretty meaningless really. My physical ideal bloke is Vincent Cassell but that doesn’t mean I spend my time with DH disappointed that he’s not Vincent nor would I swap nor change a hair on my husband’s head. There’s a difference between a fantasy and reality.

Best not to talk about this stuff if it’s likely to cause upset.

Just say you prefer men with a bigger cock than his . See how it feels when the shoe is on the other foot.

Oof I have always fancied Vincent (and his ex wife too 🤣)

I'm going to tell him he's a twat for telling me this

For also telling me if he ever had a free pass he'd go and find someone with that body type to sleep with too as it's his fantasy

I'd feel undermined but not surprised. If I was a man, my body type wouldn't be the kind I was most attracted to either. I'd have more of a problem with him oversharing insensitively than with his actual desire. I adore DH but his body type is very far from my usual taste. But telling him that would be pointless and cruel.

How's your DH's bod shape up against your ideal? Maybe you could explain in detail to him that you prefer a tighter butt, firm but not over-pronounced six pack, thicker, silkier hair, a stronger jaw but not to worry as you prefer not to be married to a man who would send you demented with lust 24/7 so averagely attractive DH is better for the day to day as you find it very easy to think of other things. You mean this as a compliment of course. Or a joke. Doesn't he have a sense of humour?

Tbh this^

Who gives this much thought to articulating their exact favourite body type, after the age of 12? It’s like little boys talking about what sports cars they’re going to drive when they grow up.

I don’t think this sort of thing is always a power play, I think often it just shows the man in question has the emotional life of a pubescent child.

And also, yes, why do adults have this stupid conversations? What good could possibly come of it?

I couldn’t tell you my favourite male body type any more than I could tell you my favourite colour or my favourite song. I don’t go around categorising and ranking things like that. Most adults don’t.

I nearly said this to my husband when he told me that his 'type' was blondes, immediately after having watched porn and having had sex. We'd been married over 25 years at this point. I've always been brunette.
The reason I didn't use this, frankly brilliant, retort is because I wouldn't want to hurt his feelings.
His comment didn't hurt my feelings I guess because I've never wanted to be blonde. However, had the comment been about body type, I think that would have hurt.
Use @MistyRoseBlue recommended retort @Deargodletitgo !

This.

If you ask someone about their 'dream man' / 'dream woman' , then it sounds to me like you want to know.

The various famous people I think are attractive - to look at - look nothing like my dh, and (not that I've ever had that conversation with him) I suspect if he were asked about his dream woman she wouldn't look anything like me. Because it is a fantasy thing, and just about what you look like.
But you don't find "the one", and you don't find a loving, happy long term relationship by ranking people on looks.
Relationships are about the person - whether they make you laugh, whether they are kind, whether you are compatible in terms of outlook in things that are important to you, whether they respect you, etc etc. Nothing to do with body shape.

Exactly.

I'd think my DH was a twat who didn't know when to keep his gob shut.

Its a fantasy... most of us have a preferred type but rarely are we with that - its great on paper but I am with someone for lot of other reasons too.

My GF is half an inch/an inch taller than me - that is not ideal for either of us - she would prefer someone taller, me shorter, but we love each other for lots of other reasons too.

I would be VERY attracted to Henry Cavill, but would I want a relationship with him?... Nah.

For also telling me if he ever had a free pass he'd go and find someone with that body type to sleep with too as it's his fantasy

I'd be giving him a free pass right out the door.

Oh for fucks sake. Surely no one thinks their partner is with them because of how they look? How sad would that be?