How would you feel if your DP told you that the body type he's most attracted to isn't yours?

[Deargodletitgo]

This came up in conversation yesterday, that his ultimate fantasy would be with a woman who isn't quite the way I look (although I'm very much on the same spectrum but not to the degree he finds an ultimate turn on). Saying that, he wouldn't want a relationship as such with someone who looks like that apparently, and he does find me very attractive apparently and we have been very happy....

But since this admission from him I'm just feeling a bit crap I suppose. I don't tend to look at other men, whereas apparently he sure someone the other day and thought she was his ideal. I didn't need to know that at all.

Why have such silly conversations. FPS. I don't look like Kelly Brook but I've never taken offence that Dh liked her.

In this context he sounds a bit gormless and hurtful and I would be telling him so.

I think it's normal in LTRs though to be aware of what each party finds attractive? From past relationships, or discussions about actors etc? I know for instance my DH loves long legs on women and I just scrape over five foot To me, it just shows he must love me a lot and doesn't prioritise a woman's looks over everything else. He finds me attractive and thinks I am a fabulous wife who is worth the sacrifice of being with someone else with lovely long legs.

That vulva comment up thread, what the actual fuck. How could anyone bring themselves to fuck someone who said that to them? Women need to value ourselves on our own opinions, not value ourselves on men's opinions.

And that "celebrity free pass" conversations never end well for certain relationships especially short term ones. I think you'd have to be about twenty years in

He said it because he's stupid and he doesn't know when to keep his gob shut.

The conversation took place over a long car journey, and was mainly about sexual fantasies, so things we wanted to do together or had thought about - when he volunteered that he'd seen someone who was his ultimate ideal type I was a bit taken aback. My fantasies very much are centred on him and yet this was very much "if I had a chance again..." although he did say he doesn't want to sleep with any other women!

I don't have a physical type I really go for, not to the extent of really seeing someone in real life and thinking I'd climb them like a tree. So now I just feel a bit silly, like I'm fawning over him and he's making do.

What is his body type? Is it something you’d not expect? Like women at 7 foot, or very very large or small or something?

very very very large. And while I am ample of frame (something which I thought he loved about me, unlike my previous DH), I am not apparently really ample enough. Although, he also likes and wants a physically fit partner - which I am.

Is he very large and fit, or very large and lardy?

He's tall but not overly large or lardy - not plus size himself. Quite sporty and fit.

😂😂😂 OP he is just describing a weird fantasy and got carried away 😂😂

I bet he feels like a right idiot now especially as you don’t really have one 😂😂

Don’t take it to heart. It really isn’t a reflection of you. He will love you because you are you.

My ex used to say ‘your boyfriends on tv’ when Jason Momoa was on 😂😂

Men can be really weird with fantasies - because they are not real. I used to work primarily with males and the shit they used to say was 🤯 perverted

A boyfriend I had as a teen told me that his perfect woman would have blonde hair and green eyes. Kind of a shock.to me when I'm dark brown hair with whisky colour eyes😳

Quite

Tbh guys want over anything. If you put a cut in a potato and filmed something being poked into it I'm sure a % would decide to masterbate to it. Anyone in a relationship these days knows men don't look at them only and likely want over tens of women a week.

You know all these dream perfect women that men go on about? Not one of them would give them a second glance. He is a stupid man to tell you these things because his job is to big you up, not put you down. How does he think this will make him more attractive to you? He'd make my fanjo go on strike.

I know for instance my DH loves long legs on women and I just scrape over five foot To me, it just shows he must love me a lot and doesn't prioritise a woman's looks over everything else. He finds me attractive and thinks I am a fabulous wife who is worth the sacrifice of being with someone else with lovely long legs.

Exactly.

I completely agree with you, except for the last bit.

I think plenty of adults do this.

But I find lots of body types attractive and I am turned on by the person, not their disembodied leg or shoulder or bum.

My H said he preferred brown eyed "Mediterranean" brunettes.
I am short, fat ,blond & blue eyed

Thanks a lot for that, Dick

Yes, this is what pisses me off about it. It's not so much the "That woman's my sexual ideal" - because I'm a realist - but the following revelation that he would judge a woman's entire character as flawed, based on her physical attributes. That's almost a definition of sexual objectification.

If he'd stopped after the physical ideal bit, I'd have been quite happy to tell him my physically ideal man!

If you're interested, it's a young black guy I once saw cutting someone's hedge. I felt like I was looking at a god. I made no assumptions about his personality, morals or suitability as a life partner, though!

Disrespectful as hell.

My ex's type was skinny goth. I am a curvy blonde girly girl who loves pink. We didn't work out because he destroyed my self esteem. He wouldn't touch me in bed, sex was from behind, in clothes, when he felt like it. He would say "I love a woman in hoodys" and various other comments about what he preferred. "Brown hair is my favourite" etc.

It got to the point where we couldn't go anywhere (even me alone) without me thinking "he'd like her" "he'd look at her"

He took every ounce of my self confidence. The next man who asked me out, I turned him down because I thought he was joking (who wants me, a fat blonde)

So your OH is disrespectful as hell, and absolutely shouldn't say things like that.

God, that's awful, @phonetedt.

You’re way overthinking this. Don’t most people fantasize? Doesn’t mean they think you’re not enough -.it’s normal to find other people attractive. Doesn’t mean you or he would act on it

I think the context is fairly important. I know that DH's "type" is very different to me. But my type is also very different to DH, and we love each other and find each other attractive. And even if I'd been an athletically built brunette in my twenties, I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't have an action heroine body in my fifties anyway, so it's all a bit irrelevant by now anyway.

If he was saying it to be mean, that's shitty of him. But if it was just a general conversation about celebrity crushes or what catches his eye in a stranger, then I wouldn't consider it a big deal.

I think physical attraction is an important element in most relationships.

Erm maybe it's not OK 🤔

Hmm I would be concerned about this

My type is Jason Momoa and my Dh looks nothing like him, where as my dH likes Aliona from Strictly and I'm nothing like her. There's nothing wrong with that, we both love each other dearly.

But this sounds like he has a fetish for overweight women. And that sounds like someone who could potentially sabotage your weight by impacting what/how much you eat. Commenting about how your body weight isn't his ideal sounds like a way of negging you into changing more like how he wants you to be.

It could be innocuous but it depends on the wider context of your relationship