I need someone to clearly tell me what to do

[neverbegrey]

I haven't been in here for a long long time , i literaly have no one else I can talk to about this ,it's consuming my thoughts 24 /7 . I have ( or thought I had ) a wonderful caring kind partner after leaving an abusive marriage ,not perfect , he consumes far too much alcohol , but he'd go to the ends of the earth for me ,and works really hard ,my friends love him ,we've been together for 10 years and my daughter who's 25 still lives with us , he's 60 ,I'm 55.
My daughter showed me 2 videos of him walking up and down past her room , she'd just came out a shower ,I was at work at the time ,and they showed him bending down and looking through her bedroom door ( glass doors with blinds ) he'd been doing this for 15 mins. that's why she was able to video him , when confronted he said he couldn't remember doing that ,went straight to my daughter, cried and apologised, she's accepted his apology and carries on as normal ,I'm devastated , where can I go from here ?

Separately from what you do about him, for which you have already received plenty of advice, get a new door for your DD, or at the very least least get some privacy film to put over the glass. No one should be able to look into her room - be it partners, guests, workmen, any siblings etc. It's just not appropriate for a bedroom to have glass door panels.

You've done nothing wrong, but if you keep your mouth shut you will be complicit and as bad as him. It's time to pick a side.

Full sentence.

Why at 25 is your DD not working/contributing?
Get him out and together you and DD can manage, worse case, sell up.

What is wrong with you OP?!

Why aren't you supporting your DD?!

Kick him out.

Your poor daughter. Get. him. out.

I'm not surprised your partner is now giving you a severe case of the ick, OP - if my partner had been perving at my young adult daughter thru the door crack, I don't imagine that I would want to see his face again let alone have him pawing all over me.

He is a predator and is now grooming you (and probably your DD) to ensure that he isn't kicked out on his arse for his disgusting behaviour.

Don't be a fool FFS. God only knows what other little incidences "that he can't remember" there have been.

And what do you mean "people won't believe you"?! If you tell your friends and family what he has been caught doing, I can guarantee that NONE of them will tell you that as he apparantly doesn't remember, that's just fine and you shouldn't chuck him out. Everyone will quite rightfully be horrified at what he has done, and would be horrified if you stayed with someone like that and continued to put your DD at risk (and any other young people or children who visit.... what about future grandchildren...).

Think about how your daughter is viewing this, not your friends, family or anyone else. She has to live in the house with someone who is spying on her. Also why isn’t she working?

If you don't do something about this he has been given the message that it's been accepted. It's likely therefore that he'll carry on with this behaviour or escalate it.

It may feel insurmountable to leave because of the financial ties, but you can and will manage, just as countless women have before you

Your daughter is at risk while he is there. Kick him out immediately

It is easy to say “kick him out” - he owns the house along with the OP. If her dd doesn’t want to get the police involved, ira going to be virtually impossible to get him out of the house if he doesn’t agree to go.

the relationship needs to end, but it’s not that simple.

OP if you are still reading, you can ask him to give you some space and he might agree to leave for a while. Realistically, you and dd might need to move out and then try to force a sale, either he buys you out or sell up if you can’t afford to buy him out.

Is there anywhere you and dd could go?

Never mind that, I'm fairly tolerant and laid back and I'd have his bags on the lawn and have changed the locks by the time he got home. @FancyBiscuitsLevel he should have thought about where he would go if he got caught creeping round the landing with his dick in his hand before he did it. Not OP's problem. I would call the police if he didn't leave immediately, tell them what has been going on, show them the evidence, and seek a non molestation order and an occupation order while I file for divorce. Immediately.

Over my dead body would I subject any child of mine, or for that matter any woman to sleeping under the same roof as him, and sit on my hands wondering what to do. Yes it's a tricky situation, but that's life. If this is not dealt with with full force and certainty immediately it will be seen as a green flag to continue and it will ramp up. It's only going to get worse if not dealt with, far far worse is to come.

He's vile. You know what to do.

It is not your DD’s job to reassure, console or be your confidant. The decision to kick him out is yours and yours alone. I’d bet my savings this isn’t the first time he’s done this.

What did you do op?

Jesus Christ. He has shown you who he is. Your loyalty is with your poor daughter. Totally get that you're in shock but this is a situation for a kneejerk reaction if ever there was one. Get. Him. Out.

And don't wait ffs. What kind of message is that sending your dd - and him?! Manipulating you to smooth it all over. Ugh. Makes my skin crawl.

You owe him nothing. Be honest with people, explain how shocked and upset you both were if you want to. Accept the horrified responses and support that should be the immediate reaction. If they're not, you've still done the right thing. Revolting old perv. How dare he?

Sorry, just seen this is an old thread. I hope he's history and you're both OK.

He's been doing it from day 1 🤢

That is some very perverted behaviour and towards your daughter. Saying he can't remember is an excuse. I doubt this is a first and what else has hw done he cant remember. Even if hed had a few , its not an excuse. Ive been drunk but would never do anything like that. I'd break up with him

This is sickening. You must leave him