I need someone to clearly tell me what to do

[neverbegrey]

I haven't been in here for a long long time , i literaly have no one else I can talk to about this ,it's consuming my thoughts 24 /7 . I have ( or thought I had ) a wonderful caring kind partner after leaving an abusive marriage ,not perfect , he consumes far too much alcohol , but he'd go to the ends of the earth for me ,and works really hard ,my friends love him ,we've been together for 10 years and my daughter who's 25 still lives with us , he's 60 ,I'm 55.
My daughter showed me 2 videos of him walking up and down past her room , she'd just came out a shower ,I was at work at the time ,and they showed him bending down and looking through her bedroom door ( glass doors with blinds ) he'd been doing this for 15 mins. that's why she was able to video him , when confronted he said he couldn't remember doing that ,went straight to my daughter, cried and apologised, she's accepted his apology and carries on as normal ,I'm devastated , where can I go from here ?

You kick the pervert out straight away. You probably won’t but that is what you need to do. Unbelievable to be asking tbh.

Oh come on, he's a sex offender. What he's done is illegal. You should've kicked him out straight away and called the police.

Ok, clearly - you need to Leave The Bastard.

I'm so sorry though op, what a horrible shock, take care of yourself x

He's a disgusting, disturbed old man who is sexually attracted to your daughter. OF COURSE he needs to go, today.

Kick him out immediately and don't look back. Don't have anything to do with him afterwards. How horrible.

Here is my very clear advice:

LTB

I'd report him to the police as well the perverted bastard. Can't remember my arse. Was he inspecting the keyhole?

Get rid of him.

Not only does he perve on your daughter but he does so in a manner that's actually quite grim (I mean it's all grim but this is potentially criminal) and I'd be concerned for her safety.

He's not the man you thought he was. Your daughter may have more to tell you, so please give her the chance to talk to you without judgement. I couldn't trust him again.

He's probably thinking about her when he's shagging you. Is that clear enough?

She has been brave and come to you for help, if you sit back on this she will never forgive you. Ever. She's not ok with it. Don't fool yourself for his convenience. She sees you doing nothing so she's got no choice but to be ok with it even though she is being predated upon in her own home by your choice of man.

You apologise to her, tell her you'll have him out before the end of the day, and do so. Call the police if you need to, you've got plenty of evidence to show them.

Why would you want to continue in a relationship with a man who's perverse and trying to catch glimpses of your naked daughter especially as he's known her from the age of 15.

Do you want to come home from work one day to find he's gone further and tried to sexually assault her or worse raped her?

Don't say you don't think that could happen because you probably didn't think he'd be caught stalking your daughter through her glass panel perving on her.

I would report to the police as well as kick him out.
Does he have a computer or laptop ?
Goodness knows what’s on it !

Goodness me, that’s absolutely awful.
LTB

She has been brave and come to you for help, if you sit back on this she will never forgive you. Ever. She's not ok with it. Don't fool yourself for his convenience. She sees you doing nothing so she's got no choice but to be ok with it even though she is being predated upon in her own home by your choice of man.

I can tell you from experience that this is exactly how she feels OP, don't kid yourself she doesn't.

Your daughter must be feeling sick about it, even if she's not showing it. He needs to go. He must have been doing this for a long time.

Quite. This is has been going on for ages, it's just the first time she's managed to get evidence so you'll hopefully believe her.

Was she filming him from inside her room or outside? How long were you together when he moved in, did he push for it.

Yeah , your all right ,my lovely life has been shattered into a million pieces , my dd said she was frozen to the spot and was online at the time telling her friends and they told her to sit her phone in a spot she could film this , to answer a few questions , no dd said shes as confused as me because never at any point has he made her feel uncomfortable in what he's said or done , yes I showed him the recordings ( cried and said he didn't remember ) we got a mortgage last year and have loans to re decorate ,garden etc we're so financially tied together ,I'm frightened to death because there's no way I can manage by myself, dd doesn't work so doesn't contribute , I don't sleep ,can't eat and to top it off his mother has just died ,I'm going to show dd these replies, maybe shel talk more to me ,I'm so worried this has been going on for years and she's just hiding it all from me ,we're very close normally.

we got a mortgage last year and have loans to re decorate ,garden etc we're so financially tied together ,I'm frightened to death because there's no way I can manage by myself, dd doesn't work so doesn't contribute

The IMPORTANT thing isn't concentrating on the money

The IMPORTANT thing is getting away from that disgusting pervert and getting your daughter away from him too

Money can be sorted

Tell him to leave

I'd go and chat to the police and bring them up to speed

Then talk to CAB or step change about the best thing to do regarding the finances

But ""he cried and can't remember ""????

What an absolute c*nt he is

Yes, it’s complicated and messy and heartbreaking and devastating. But HE made the choice, NOT you. He chose to violate your DD’s privacy and dignity, and there are consequences for that, no matter how sorry he says that he is. Your DD gets to choose who she shares her body with. Your partner does not get to choose this.

What do you think he was doing for the 15 minutes. Of course he has taken advantage of you. Make him leave today. Your daughter will never trust you again if you don't start protecting her now. What would you do if she had a daughter, would you allow him access. Get the arsehole out your life, get serious therapy and be happy. You've both been victims to this creep.

Don’t show your dd the replies.

it doesn’t matter if she’s accepted his apology, you need to show her it’s not ok. and be clear that this is his fault, you don’t want to be with him because of his behaviour, not her fault for telling.

the financial situation will mean it’s not as straightforward as “kick him out” but this can be untangled. Does he have somewhere else to go? Family he could stay with?

The only thing to do is chuck him out. Why doesn't your daughter work? She could help contribute.

He is a pervert
Kick him out today

How can she accept his apology? What was his explanation? There is no legit explanation other than being a perv. As people say, if he feels that way about her now, he probably has done for some time. And he won't just stop. That's not how people's desire works.
You have to kick him out. The video could be used as evidence for the police. That's how serious it is.

I agree, don't show your DD these replies. She came to you openly and told you/showed you what he'd done. She's depending on you to deal with it. She doesn't need or want the responsibility of making that decision, a decision that impacts you deeply. You have to be the one to take action here. Show her that she's your priority.