Boyfriend gone on holiday for 1 month.

[Bumblebun]

How would you feel if your boyfriend of 4 years went on holiday with his children for 1 month?
(Not quite for pleasure but more for bereavement)

You both live separately and have never been on holiday together yet.
Relationship has been rocky recently due to his recent move (which is over an hour’s drive away) and conflicting work schedules, and this means you see each other once a week for a few hours at most. No overnights. Some weeks you don’t see him due to him working overtime. This has been addressed before and there has been no improvement.

Would it be too harsh to block and delete?

Not harsh at all. 4 years in and no holiday together? Nah, move on.

I would be more concerned about the general day to day logistics than the holiday. No.to blocking. I think yhis unfair. Finish properly

Sounds like he's slow fading you OP 😢

@twentysevendresses

this is what I think and that’s why my thought is block and delete.

Don’t block and delete after 4 years - dump him first!

Who has died in terms of the deceased’s relationships with your BF and his DC?

It sounds like you don’t feel like a priority for him and that this is the ‘final straw’.

Agree that blocking would be shit: if you’ve decided to end the relationship, tell him verbally.

I mean, you'd be a dick to just block him after a four year relationship. At least have a conversation and dump him properly.

FWIW it sounds like a crappy state of affairs after this long.

Just wanted to clarify; things were not always this way.

He was more present before but due to personal issues things have become more distant and whilst I try to be supportive (as he has always been for me) I do feel this does feel like a slap in the face.

@AGodawfulsmallaffair that’s a good point. Thank you

Blocking and deleting is incredibly childish. It sounds like someone close to him has died, so it's going to be quite a sombre trip, probably with some genuine upset and you're going to add to his distress by pulling that stunt when he's away? Cruel and attention seeking, imo.

I also wouldn't dump him when he is away for a bereavement.

Honestly, I think this is a perfect opportunity to leave him alone, and see how often he contacts you. It will tell you all you need to know.

@Loopytiles

His father passed away.

I get that right now is a difficult time and I suppose that’s why I have tried to be supportive and respectful at this sensitive time; however like you all have said: it’s been 4 years and I don’t feel like we are growing or even feel like we are a family. And this trip he has now taken with his kids feels like it has confirmed that- if we were united; I should be there. If we were together; I should be there. I should be involved as well surely. But I’m not.

that in conjunction with the limited time I get to spend with him and the fact that I have addressed it before and haven’t seen improvement - I’m done.

don’t really want to wait a month to tell him but feel like texting him whilst he is grieving abroad isn’t the right way about it - so that’s why my first thought was don’t say anything and just move on. I wouldn’t block but I have deleted his number; and if he calls- I would just confirm it that I don’t think we are on the same page and I don’t wish to see him anymore.

@Ragingbull1

He has been gone for a week and I haven’t received a call or even a message. I get his upset but still…

I do also want to mention his father passed about 3 months ago and whilst he was sad; he certainly want broken up by it as he didn’t grow up with his father and didn’t have a relationship with him.

i don’t believe the lack of communication is due to him being sad as he sometimes will not message for a few days anyway. I will address it and he will make more of an effort and then slowly I feel it’s back to square 1. Now his gone away for 1 month with his ‘family’ that doesn’t include me or my son, so again - I feel like there’s no point anymore.

Have you met his father and extended family OP? If he’s gone abroad due to a bereavement, it’s not exactly a holiday.
I would probably wait till he returned home

Cross posted. That adds a different slant to things

@Kangarude

No I haven’t met his father or any of his family as they live abroad.

I haven’t met his children yet which again I have said I want to as he knows my son (due to us being friends for long before I had my son) and I have mentioned I would like to unite our family more and meet his children and it just hasn’t yet happened.

I wouldn't have an issue about going away with his children, however no overnight stays, seems a bit casual to stick with this after 4 years, doesn't seem it's going anywhere.

Don't block him. But this relationship isn't working for you so tell him it's over when he gets back.

I would have thought 4 years was long enough to wait to meet his DC.
Draw a line under this and move on would be my advice

The holiday wouldn’t bother me but the weekly schedule would. However, I don’t think you just block and delete your partner of 4 years, surely?

@samestyle

Exactly. This is the point I’ve made in the past.

I get that it’s tricky as he is a single dad with children however they are in their teens and independent. I’m not asking him to move in with me and leave them behind, but more time together would be good otherwise like you said - it’s too casual and it doesn’t feel like we’re moving or growing at all.

Absolutely disgusting you are about to block and delete your boyfriend of 4 years when he has recently lost his father. Give yourself a wobble and reality check.
Tbh he is probably better off without you if all you are thinking about is yourself in this time of grief

So your boyfriend's father has died, you don't live together and you are in a huff because you think you should have been invited along for a jolly ?

@Kangarude
Thank you. His kids have only been living with him for around 2 years due to mother being unable to care for them anymore and living abroad - so he took the kids full time.
There has been a few house moves and the kids unfortunately have moved school a few times due to personal circumstances so I felt initially he just wanted to protect them before introducing someone else to them - especially a girlfriend.

But…it’s been 4 years we have been together and whilst I can be patient; I have been thinking about this for a while. This doesn’t feel like a relationship and hasn’t for a long time.

'it’s been 4 years and I don’t feel like we are growing or even feel like we are a family.'

'A family' is not a boyfriend you go on 1 date with once a week for a few hours. It's not even a relationship. If you're not enjoying the occasional dates, dump him, even though its pretty poor timing now..

It sounds like he can't commit to a deeper relationship right now, which is what you are looking for. This relationship isn't working for you any more, so end it with him. But do it properly, blocking and deleting a boyfriend of 4 years when his father has just recently died is a dick move.