Boyfriend gone on holiday for 1 month.

[Bumblebun]

How would you feel if your boyfriend of 4 years went on holiday with his children for 1 month?
(Not quite for pleasure but more for bereavement)

You both live separately and have never been on holiday together yet.
Relationship has been rocky recently due to his recent move (which is over an hour’s drive away) and conflicting work schedules, and this means you see each other once a week for a few hours at most. No overnights. Some weeks you don’t see him due to him working overtime. This has been addressed before and there has been no improvement.

Would it be too harsh to block and delete?

"Dear John,
I know things have been tough for you recently, but the fact you haven't contacted me all/ twice in the last 2 months/ whatever time period is accurate, confirms to me that I am nowhere near a priority for you, so I think it best that we draw a line under this now leaving us both free to move on. We've had some great times together and I do hope we can remain friends. "

Did you not actually break up with him? You just blocked and deleted someone after four years?

Four years of being given the runaround! The OP has been much too nice and this man has completely taken advantage. He wanted someone he could keep hanging around waiting for him while he lived like a single man.

The blocking is long overdue.

He broke up with OP. Faded her for months / years. Moved further away. Let her down a lot. Future faked. Went away for 5 weeks without hardly a thought or call. Wouldn't let her meet his children even though she’s known him 15+ years. He was hoping OP would call time, and when she didn’t, he made it obvious he was going to call time. But even then, he CBA turning up and wouldn’t give an old friend the courtesy of an explanation.

OP’s block and delete long overdue

I guess I am out of date with modern dating practices. To me it seems odd to just block someone after four years without any kind of break up message, even just a text. This guy hasn't been a great boyfriend and certainly the relationship is best ended, but he hasn't been so awful that he doesn't deserve basic courtesy, I think.

Why he showed no courtesy to her. His manners are appalling and the way he treated her was vile.

I think under the circumstances she was very polite and very courteous.

The month long trip following his dad’s death is not a big issue IMO.
however everything else points to him not being a keeper

I wouldn’t block and delete. I’d speak to him and end it properly

Going away for a month, not on holiday, but because of a bereavement is absolutely fine in my opinion. I'd simply want to support him if he's lost someone close to him.
However, the rest of it doesn't sound good. It doesn't sound like a serious relationship.

I think he has too much on to commit to a relationship. The kids have had massive disruption. Lost their mum, now their grandad that they actually lived with for a while
He took them home to see the family they were probably close to and miss.

They don't need to process you as an addition to their family as well, and definitely not on their visit back home. It would have spoiled it for them, to be honest.

So I think he's been unreasonable in trying to keep you around rather than in what he's actually done. He should have let you go as he doesn't have capacity for a romantic relationship.

you have done the right thing. he certainly took the royal piss out of you. glad you have finally cut him off. blocking and deleting was years overdue

Thank you for all of the replies.

Clarify some things; I didn’t respond when he said he was tired and unable to see me but would try to later on in the week. I then didn’t message him but equally he didn’t message me or call or visit.

The week after he returned I spoke to a mutual friend of ours who mentioned that they had seen him a day before. She asked him about me and he replied I was well (although I had not seen him for over a month).

I blocked his number about a week ago but he returned on 08/06/24.

@sonjadog
It’s hard to have decency with someone who doesn’t even have the decency to communicate with me. If he knew he didn’t want to be with me - why string me along? Especially when he has had several chances to get away and still maintaining a decent friendship with me. Now that has severed.

His Loss.

Not the right time to do this

Well you have your answer. It was a relationship of convenience for him. When it became inconvenient or your minimal demands made too much of a demand on him he walked away but without the courtesy of a discussion.

@Opinionwontchangeluv

i get what you mean although he isn’t sad. He even was boasting to my friend about his new tattoos he got when on holiday.

I think I just made it easier for him. Save the agro and just wait for me to catch on and ghost him (as it seems he has already done to me)