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Original poster

Partner is questioning our relationship because of celebrity free pass

134 replies

Rockiepride · 17/05/2024 10:56

Last night, my partner and I were sharing a bottle of wine and watching TV.

Megan Fox appeared and he mentioned how beautiful she was, I agreed and jokes that he absolutely has a free pass for her.

He immediately asked who my free pass would be and I again joked Brad Pitt.

He then started questioning if I was being serious and how I can’t love him if I’m happy that he would sleep with her or I would with Brad Pitt (insane I know!) I stuck to my comments and said yes absolutely, thinking this was all a bit of a laugh.

This morning he has said that he doesn’t think I can be serious about him or the relationship if my view is that it’s ok to sleep with a celebrity. He said that he would never want to sleep with anyone over me, that it hurts him to think I can’t say the same, and that he needs to question whether or not we have the same morals as he’s so upset I would say such a thing.

Am I the one who is in the wrong here? I thought a celebrity free pass was a bit of a common thing (and totally unrealistic, so therefore a bit of a joke). I’ve been surprised as his reaction to this.

OP posts:
FloofyBear · 17/05/2024 15:54

WetBandits · 17/05/2024 13:11

Weird reaction!

My DP told me if I hit it off with Tom Hardy he’d be my bridesmaid Grin

🤣🤣🤣

FloofyBear · 17/05/2024 15:56

Toxicinlawz · 17/05/2024 13:40

Op does he understand that you meant it as a joke, and in no way is he free to sleep with meghan fox, should she come calling 😕 I think you may need to spell this out to him. Maybe throw in some shade her way too just to be sure you're clear but whilst you're at it... please check why he noticed she was beautiful in the first place... let's see how long the convo lasts then 🤣

Edited

Is Megan fox the person going out with Machine Gun Kelly? If so her standards are pretty rock bottom 🤣

PalomaJaneintheDales · 17/05/2024 17:01

I'm on his side, I'm afraid. The "free pass" thing when you are in a serious relationship is in very bad taste and it's not a thing to "joke" about. It's not even a joke.

blacksax · 17/05/2024 17:54

Your partner is an immature twat. Dump him.

Loloj · 17/05/2024 17:56

Gosh your partner needs to lighten up - doesn’t he get that the whole “free pass” thing is a joke?!

NeverDropYourMooncup · 17/05/2024 18:01

Limberinta · 17/05/2024 11:05

I understand where he was coming from and wouldn't like it either. I think free passes sound stupid and juvenile so wouldn't be talking like that in any of my relationships. I don't think it's the actual celebrity part that is his problem, he's probably just applying it to 'another person' who isn't you and feels hurt by that. If you care about him, you need to approach it in a caring way and actually listen to his hurt not just see it as ridiculous. Just because it was a joke to you, doesn't devalue the real feeling it evoked in him

Edited

He started it by wittering on about Megan Fox. Presumably he expected the OP to get all upset that he was thinking about her - or, more likely, he expected the OP to say 'Oh, no, I only have eyes for you, not even Brad Pitt or George Clooney could ever tempt me away from your vastly superior intellect and physicality'.

CaravaggiosCat · 17/05/2024 18:10

Haha this reminds me of the episode of friends when Ross put Isabella Rossellini on his list then she came into the cafe and wasn't remotely impressed lol.

comeondover · 17/05/2024 18:23

I haven’t rtft, but yanbu. Show him the Isabella Rosselini episode of Friends.

RawBloomers · 17/05/2024 18:54

When he said “are you serious” I think that would normally be a pretty obvious cue that it wasn’t (or was no longer) the having-a-laugh that you had taken it as and unless you actually thinks it’s okay to sleep with a celebrity if you get the chance (and some people do), you should have reined in the joking and been clear about where your limits are.

And that should still be possible now. I the question he wants answering is - is it all just a joke to you, or would you sleep with Brad Pitt if given the chance? Sp just tell him.

I think it’s an understandable miscommunication, I understand why you might see it as utterly ridiculous to think it’s real when you’re talking about a celebrity. But I also see why some people might wonder where your line is really drawn if you will talk about it like that. Celebrities aren’t a different species. They start out as nobodies and there are plenty of equally talented people who just didn’t get the breaks milling around with the rest of us. See them in the right light when they’ve put in their best effort and maybe they’ll turn your head too. what he might be wondering is - if you get a free pass with Brad Pitt, do you think you get a free pass with them too?

Sleepydoor · 17/05/2024 20:58

MonsteraMama · 17/05/2024 12:48

Love the "it's fine if you want to and are both comfortable but my relationship is better, more romantic and more truly intimate than yours because I don't do this" thinly veiled superiority of this post 🙄

Show quote history

I genuinely mean that -- I get that some people are very relaxed about these things and they feel closer by sharing but it doesn't work for me. I might think that everyone is better off not being brutally honest and maybe it is less romantic to me, I guess, but I do think and respect that some people get their feeling of intimacy from absolute full disclosure with their partner and sharing sexual fantasies about other people, etc. So, I guess I'm a bit of an asshole, but maybe not as much as you're suggesting. ;)

Sleepydoor · 17/05/2024 21:01

ThinkingOfMe · 17/05/2024 12:59

you keep romance alive by acting like you only have eyes for your partner. It seems disrespectful and bad for the relationship to comment on who you find sexually attractive,

So you both pretend that you never find anyone else attractive? How unrealistic is that.

I hate cheating, have never cheated on anyone, would never cheat even if Jon Bon Jovi of 1994 knocked on my door ..... But to never be able to watch a film or a concert or something and say someone is attractive seems OTT.

Kind of, yes. When we first got together over 25 years ago we were watching tv and my now DH turned to me and said, "I think she's really hot." and I said, "Why are you telling me that? I'm not one of your buddies. I don't want to hear about it." And that was the end of that.

Octomingo · 17/05/2024 21:06

He's ridiculous. It's a free pass cos it's never going to happen.
waits to bump into Brad Pitt in the pastry aisle of morrison's

I'm fine anyway. Dh's is now about 80.

billyt · 18/05/2024 00:00

Must have been an older Megan Fox film.

Have you seen her lately?

(misses whole point of thread Grin )

Pinkbonbon · 18/05/2024 01:42

You know he set you up for this argument right?

Either he's controlling or, he's planning on dumping you (perhaps only temporarily, so he can cheat) and wants to make it your fault.

Either way, he plays mind games, run.

GreyCarpet · 18/05/2024 06:35

Plenty of people in this thread seem to do it but I just dont get it. It's just a bit of a 'low rent' thing to talk about.

People keep saying it's a joke. It's not though. Jokes are funny. The 'joke' here actually is, "If someone more attractive than you came along and you were OK with it, I'd fuck them. So, not funny.

Furrylittlesweetpotatoes · 18/05/2024 07:15

I think he’s being a ‘bit’ precious but I have never and would never have a ‘joke’ about free passes because it doesn’t sit well with me. It’s just not funny.

category12 · 18/05/2024 07:28

It's not hilarious, but it's not really normal to react the way he has and make it a massive relationship issue.

Crepester · 18/05/2024 07:28

Exactly @Furrylittlesweetpotatoes I agree it’s not funny to me either, if two people in a relationship find it funny then that’s up to them…joke away… but if one of them doesn’t find it funny, it’s no longer a joke and should be dropped out of respect.

Whats a bit off in his case is he didn’t seem to challenge OP when she “gave” him “a free pass “ for Megan Foxx 👀 so he hasn’t really been consistent. It wasn’t until she got to her “free pass” he raised it as an issue.
Personally I’d have nipped it in the bud from the start and made it clear don’t like the free pass chat.

crumbpet · 18/05/2024 07:30

He then started questioning if I was being serious and how I can’t love him if I’m happy that he would sleep with her or I would with Brad Pitt (insane I know!) I stuck to my comments and said yes absolutely, thinking this was all a bit of a laugh.

So he asked if you were serious and even though you thought it was all a bit of a laugh and weren't being serious said yes you were absolutely being serious?

Why mess with him like that?

Crepester · 18/05/2024 07:39

Yes - that was weird behaviour! @crumbpet

I was seeing a guy like that. Like he cancelled our date out of the blue once, after me making all these travel arrangements and when I asked are you serious - he said yeah. Twice.

So I took it seriously and cancelled my train ticket later that day, then he was like blowing up my phone saying “oh you should’ve known I was joking” 🤬

He did stuff like that a few times and I eventually ditched him.

when someone asks you “ are you serious?” That is the time to say no and make it clear it’s a joke. Even if it’s clearly obvious to YOU that it’s a joke, it may not be obvious to THEM.

crumbpet · 18/05/2024 07:40

Crepester · 18/05/2024 07:39

Yes - that was weird behaviour! @crumbpet

I was seeing a guy like that. Like he cancelled our date out of the blue once, after me making all these travel arrangements and when I asked are you serious - he said yeah. Twice.

So I took it seriously and cancelled my train ticket later that day, then he was like blowing up my phone saying “oh you should’ve known I was joking” 🤬

He did stuff like that a few times and I eventually ditched him.

when someone asks you “ are you serious?” That is the time to say no and make it clear it’s a joke. Even if it’s clearly obvious to YOU that it’s a joke, it may not be obvious to THEM.

Edited

Exactly! They've asked because they aren't sure and OP has just gone yeah I'm serious. And then is now saying he should have known it was a joke? It's quite cruel really.

GreyCarpet · 18/05/2024 07:52

Exactly.

Not only that, how many times do women post on here because their partner has said something shitty and he's responded with, "I was only joking"? And how many other posters come on to say that's not a joke, jokes are funny?

How many times have I read not to accept it when a man says he's just joking? The general line seems to be that it's something men say to women to 'gaslight' them.

That he knows he's been an arsehole and, rather than admitting that and apologising, he's just made it out to be her in the wrong - she can't take a joke; she's being oversensitive; she's in the wrong.

In fact, it's often described as a red flag when someone says something the other person finds upsetting and then doubles down on it claiming its a joke.

Jokes are funny. Saying, "I'd fuck that person, regardless of the fact I'm with you," isn't funny. It's not a witty observation, it's not got a punchline and, more importantly, it's only a joke if both people afind it 'funny' and he doesn't.

GreyCarpet · 18/05/2024 07:55

Pinkbonbon · 18/05/2024 01:42

You know he set you up for this argument right?

Either he's controlling or, he's planning on dumping you (perhaps only temporarily, so he can cheat) and wants to make it your fault.

Either way, he plays mind games, run.

I don't know.

Given she was the one who introduced the 'free pass' thing and said she was serious, I'd say she was also, if not the one, playing mind games.

It is possible they were both in the wrong.

Anywherebuthere · 18/05/2024 08:04

Whatsyourstory · 17/05/2024 11:14

By his own logic he was inappropriate by starting the conversation with how beautiful Megan Fox is. So he's allowed to do that but you can't joke about Brad Pitt? Double standards for sure.

Nothing inappropriate in saying someone is beautiful.

OP was with starting the free pass comments.

acquarius · 18/05/2024 08:43

It's a perfectly rational reaction from his point of view, just like totalitarian regimes repress any jokes about a change in government, whether the individual meant it or not. The potential risks of this kind of thought is simply too great.

However, the trade-off for repression is giving up on a harmonious society or relationship. Some people are absolutely fine with this.

The ideal option is to find a mate who will not even think about any other partner.

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