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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My partner calls my son fat

123 replies

Lisa784 · 12/05/2024 18:09

I’ve been with my partner since my son was small and he’s now a teen. For the past few years my partner has been saying constant fat shaming comments to my son and although I’ve approached him about this many times my partner is convinced he’s doing nothing wrong and says “that’s just how we talk to each other”. I’ve told him I’m not happy with it and it needs to stop but he just continues or reacts bu telling me I’m overreacting or to “go f myself”

my son hears the arguments about it and tells me it’s not a big deal and even joins my partner by taking the mick out of himself but I still feel sick to my stomach hearing him say these things to him.

comments such as “it’s like looking at a concave mirror” or “you look like a whale” or “mate you have boobs” I just hate my partner for it!

i see other dads encourage their children to do lor exercise or help them make better food choices but he just constantly puts him down and I really don’t know what to do or any anymore because I constantly get an argument back. There’s so many things he’s told me he isn’t happy with me with and I’ve changed myself for him but he can’t do this one thing and stop being mean to my son. He’s great in so many other ways but I can’t allow him to be nice to me when he’s saying things like this to my son. He doesn’t do it in a mean way it’s like jokes and it’s not a nasty tone but I can’t help but feel that it is.

please someone tell me I’m not overreacting and I have reason to be mad with him

OP posts:
Cluelessaf · 12/05/2024 18:11

Surely you mean, "my ex partner"

TwilightSkies · 12/05/2024 18:11

You need to do more than just be mad with him. You need to get your son away from this horrible man right now. They only get one childhood. Don’t ruin your sons by making him live with a bully

CannotWaitToBeFree · 12/05/2024 18:14

Leave him. Is this was your daughter not son. How would you feel?

Errolwasahero · 12/05/2024 18:14

He sounds nice.

Maybe he does think it’s a joke. But the fact that he ignores your feelings about it speaks volumes.

IncognitoUsername · 12/05/2024 18:14

You have reasons to be mad with him but no reasons for still being with him.

Bumblebeeinatree · 12/05/2024 18:15

If your son is really over weight he needs help to lose it. Pretending he's not fat doesn't help it will give him ill health all his life. Talk about diets and how to get to a good weight. Obviously if he's not fat knock it on the head.

JollyJanuary · 12/05/2024 18:15

He's vile to your son, tells you to fuck off and you have changed loads of things about yourself that he's not happy with. He may be great in other ways - but he's certainly not great at being kind and respectful to you and your DS.

Kalevala · 12/05/2024 18:19

LTB. Then help your son. If it's been a few years then what have you done to tackle it? By the time children look overweight to most people they are usually obese.

MsLuxLisbon · 12/05/2024 18:21

Bumblebeeinatree · 12/05/2024 18:15

If your son is really over weight he needs help to lose it. Pretending he's not fat doesn't help it will give him ill health all his life. Talk about diets and how to get to a good weight. Obviously if he's not fat knock it on the head.

What has that got to do with how the OP's partner talks to her son?

Rec0veringAcademic · 12/05/2024 18:22

Your partner is a controlling, nasty bully and you are underreacting.

Dustpantsandbush · 12/05/2024 18:23

He’s eroding your son’s confidence. Just get rid of him. He’s a bully masking his bullying by calling it ‘Bantz’

Blueberry40 · 12/05/2024 18:23

Please leave this man. The things he says to both you and your son are awful- nothing short of abusive. Your son is watching this man and learning that it is acceptable to speak to people like that and I imagine he is probably quite scared of him. Anyone who tells you to ‘go f yourself’ should be out of your life very quickly. You deserve so much better op.

Pigeonqueen · 12/05/2024 18:24

What on earth are you doing with this dick of a man?? Absolutely vile. You need to leave and show your Ds that is not acceptable.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 12/05/2024 18:24

He should now be your ex partner. You run a very real risk of losing your relationship with your son when he becomes an adult because he will see you as a bystander.

Wooloohooloo · 12/05/2024 18:24

@Bumblebeeinatree the son's weight is irrelevant. The comments are cruel and mocking someone definitely isn't the way to help them if they do actually have a weight problem.

WhamBamThankU · 12/05/2024 18:27

A joke to your partner is trauma your son could hold for years.

ginasevern · 12/05/2024 18:28

He constantly calls your teenage son fat and tells you to go fuck yourself. Sounds like you've bagged yourself a real classy guy there.

pinkyredrose · 12/05/2024 18:29

I’ve told him I’m not happy with it and it needs to stop but he just continues or reacts bu telling me I’m overreacting or to “go f myself”

😲😡

What a horrible cunt he is. Get rid of him.

Cornflakes44 · 12/05/2024 18:29

Bumblebeeinatree · 12/05/2024 18:15

If your son is really over weight he needs help to lose it. Pretending he's not fat doesn't help it will give him ill health all his life. Talk about diets and how to get to a good weight. Obviously if he's not fat knock it on the head.

This is clearly not the point of the thread. Shaming him is not going to help him lose weight.

Justbrowsing2024 · 12/05/2024 18:30

Why are you allowing this?

CosmosQueen · 12/05/2024 18:30

Perhaps your son’s reaction to being humiliated, bullied and abused by this oaf is to seek comfort in eating as he clearly isn’t getting what he so desperately needs from you?
10 years of bullying. Poor kid

pinkyredrose · 12/05/2024 18:30

There’s so many things he’s told me he isn’t happy with me with and I’ve changed myself for him but he can’t do this one thing and stop being mean to my son.

How have you changed yourself for him?

SamW98 · 12/05/2024 18:31

Another day, another thread where a woman puts dick as higher priority to her kids.

I fucking despair when I read these threads.

Fargo79 · 12/05/2024 18:31

Will never understand why so many women knowingly expose their vulnerable children to abusive men. Why aren't you doing your job as a parent and protecting your child from bullying in his own home?

Lovinglife57 · 12/05/2024 18:32

Wtaf and you’re still with him ? You have let him do this what mother does this poor kid deserves better than both of you disgusting